October 29 1997
Shall we talk about love? being in love? i feel myself completley in love with morrissey. I mean, total adoration from afar. I adore leo, i adore elijah, but i seriously feel this strange love for moz. Not only do i love him as a musician, but his voice makes me..melt..and i have sucha strong physical attraction to him and...i dont remember feeling such an..unsteady powerful love for a celebrity. I can FEEL the obsession flowing through my veins. and im afraid. ya know? tonight i TOTALLY re did my moz site which you can see here. Incase ya dont know i recently saw 2 more moz shows. i fell in love. i saw one sunday and monday.

Theres something i want to discuss, but i dont know if i have the time to go indepth enough here. well ill try. Driving home from the monday moz show, i had a nice long chat with christ (i always do though, i love her. she rocks.) about my love for moz. And how i have this total seperation from tori. Everyone chalks it up to the fact that tori isnt DOING anything right now. And i think people are resentful that i dont lvoe tori anymore. Im in the process of taking down tori posters, and im going to take down my tori web site as well. I just feel the need to.

While talkign with christ i made this..well statement..about how i feel, tori was therewhen i had nothing. no music to feel extremley close to. she was there for my growth.She held my hand and showed me the way, and was always there for me to fall back on. But now its time for me to move on. ive had my time with tori. and i feel that thats what shes for. You can stay tied to her forever. thats just not healthy. you need to branch out and grow with other artists.

I cant tell you how annoyed i get with people that *truly* only love one artist. thats tori. Or there are the few that love tori and then Ani or Sarah. Tori Ani Sarah Jewel..they're all the same. Not a whole big different really. Its like liking different levels of the same artist. It doesnt make you a very diverse or flavored person. It shows how closed you are and how limited your feelings are. Unfortunatley most of my friends are like this. At least christ loves Radiohead over Tori, Nicky adores blur and yoko and even valerie had her first love-natalie. But everyone else? It aggrivates me. i dunno.

The whole..meeting of the moz fans and expanding myself to people that i usually wouldnt converse with opened up all these doors for me. so many new ideas and places to discover. not just the GIRL folk boring blah blah wanna be feminist scene. that bothers me. They talk about having these open minds. but theyre the most closed. I think thats why i get such friction with my friends. I feel like i have these spikes and every movement they make rubs us the wrong way. oh who knows.

i noticed it heavily with the paula show last night. Ill do my review soon hopefully. I felt nothing from the crowd. NOTHING. I felt nothing from paula. She gave a good show. But there was so much lacking from it. When she just stood there and sang ballads (including my favorite song) it was just ________..there was nothing in it. It was her job. an occupation. I dont know. You could say ive lost respect for anyone that doesnt have an open mind in the music scene. Anyone that adores tori and only tori (including varations of tori..jewel sarah..ani..like i said) i have ZERO respect for. I feel like smacking them and saying "wake up, there's so much more out there". Just how i feel.

Oh yeah i love moz. Today's Valeries birthday. Happy birthday sweetpea. Shes taking me to see phantom. im excited. i havent seen it since i was in sixth grade. ee. i gotta go wrap her presents. i went shopping today and used the damn credit card again! thats gotta stop. im so bad. but i hope she slikes it! im crossing my fingers. i know i hate gifts that i know someone put thought into, but that i just dont like. eh. oh well.then its halloween. wheeeeeeeee fun. ive probably pissed off a lot of ppl so i guess ill go now. I feel better getting that all out though. Woo ha. Okay bye bye!

Music~
Morrissey~Southpaw Grammar
The Smiths~louder than bombs