November 3rd Part Two.
So it's some odd hours later and i've just had a good hard sobb cry, break down. whatever. My face is all puffy and my eyes are all bloodshot. Woo im attractive. I just had a long talk with someone that i really value as a friend. And i dont know him terribly well, so you could say that he had a valid outsider opinion on me. I know im a tough one. I know im bitchy. Ben said something like the Victim goes on the rebound and becomes the victimizer. I try to validate it in my head. I was ALWAYS the victim. I was known as one of the nicest people..ever. period. People used to tell me i 
was too nice. Its odd for me to think that people dont associate the word nice to me. When someone says "nice" i am the farthest thing from their mind. I validated it that, my being a bitch was the only way that i could stay strong. The only way for me to take care of myself. I don't know how many times ive said that. So it was odd for someone to outright call me a egotisical pretentious bitch. To tell me to grow up. These were all things i knew about myself. And things that i figured my friends had accepted as traits of my personality. But from what im hearing, none of my friends really like me. And i dont know what to do. I dont know how to change. I have tried in the past when ive had my bitchiness rubbed in my face, but i think i have a really strong personality and how do i just dismiss my personality? and make it go away? I dont even know if thats possible. I dont feel like dealing with this. I dont like knowing that no one likes me. Im this evil domineering presence. Im sorry. Make it stop. Im trying. But the thing is, i dont want to back down in what i feel. I still feel strongly about what i wrote in my previous journal. It may not be the most mature response, but my natural instinct is to be hurt and..yeah, even betrayed. You knew me, you knew how i'd react. Whatever. And i still hold strong to how i felt about last week. But now. what do i do? I can't change my mold. What's next?
Music
Maladjusted~My Moz