* The Queen Is Dead *

Farewell to this lands
cheerless marshes
hemed in like a boar
between arches
her very lowness with
her head in a sling
im truely sorry-
but it sounds like
a wonderful thing
dear Charles,
dont you ever crave
to appear on the front
of the daily mail
dressed in your mothers
bridal veil?
So, i checked all
the registered historical
facts and i was shocked
to discover how im
the 18th pale descendant
or some old queen
or other
has the world changed,
or have i changed?
as some 9-year old
tough peddles drugs
(i never even knew
what drugs were)
And so, i broke
into the Palace with
a sponge and a
rusty spanner
she said:
"eh, i know you,
and you cannot sing"

I said:
"that's nothing-
you should hear me
play piano"

isn't he just..so adorable?
we can go for a walk
where its quiet and dry
and we can talk about
precious things
but when you're tied
to your mothers apron
no one talks about
castration

we can go for a walk
where its quiet and dry
and we can talk about
precious things
like love and law and
property these are things
that kill me
we can go for a walk
where its quiet and dry
and we can talk about
precious things
but the rain flattens
my hair these are things
that kill me
Passed the Pub that saps
your body
and the church who'll
snactch your money
the Queen is dead boys
and its so lonely on a limb
Passed the pub that
wrecks your body
and the church-
all they want is your money
the Queen is dead, boys
you can trust me, boys
life is very long,
when you're lonely
life is very long,
when you're lonely
life is very long,
when you're lonely


-the smiths

(he played this
at Claremont..
that ws the only
time!)

November 10th 1997.

(sniff) Hiya. What a dull day. I slept till three. I didn't brush my hair or anything. I almost felt like i was sick and staying home from school. It's nice lovely crisp stormy weather over here. Where i wanna turn on the heater, bundle up in my robe with soup and watch tv. One of those days. It was nice. I've been naseous and sick ever since the Olive Garden so blah. Marcia was very supportive and made me cream of potato soup. Yummy. So when i first woke up my eyes and nose were all crusty and the feeling wasn't going away. I know that sounds gross, but that's winter to me. And i didn't set foot out of my house. It was almost restful. I dont know how long its been since i actually didn't go *anywhere*. I was on the phone a lot today actually. I talked to nick twice for a long time, and then with ©hrist and val.

So i was watching this talk show when my dad came home..and he got sucked into it..then Marcia came home and she got sucked into it. It was quite funny. The whole family was sitting around watching the Montel Williams show. Im getting VERY addicted to talk shows. Thats so typical. At least im not watching soaps. Right?

Then i actually helped make dinner, and i actually ate a home cooked dinner. Its so odd to actually be home. It made me realize how much i go out. It's been so long. And i made them listen to the Verve and the smiths. And..get this, my step mom..has never heard of Hanson or the Spice Girls™. So i had to drag out my spice girls™ cd for her. She actually kinda liked them. Heh. they made her dance. It was ...nice. We didn't fight at all. But the night just drageeeeeeed by. From 6:30 to 10:30 it just seemed to take forever.

A year ago tonight i was in boulder. Tonight was the first show. The show that she played my song at. I'm not as *in to* the memories as i wish i was. Must be that tori hibernation thing. blah. But it was kind of neat to relive it.

©hrist and i were on the phone for a few hours tonight talking about random babble. I just, adore how she puts up with me all the time. Heh. And i get so much "insight" into (fine gossip..) everyone. We think that everyone should know..whatever you tell one of us, the other knows. We're just cool like that.

Oh. (giggle), while we were on the phone, i was finishing up downloading to moz mov. files. They were HUGE. 5 MB a piece. Of his performance on letterman. I just watch them and giggle. I can't explain how happy they make me. Thats what those stills are of :) The way he dances around and all.It makes me all tingly and squishy. Im in search of a gif animator so i can make animated gifs of his cute little dance. But i cant find a free one! Not even shareware. Know of one? HELP! tell me! heh.
anyhow she said i was scaring her. All my little sound effects for how happy watching it was making me. It was soooooooooo good :)

I was listening to my Garbage CD earlier. I forgot how good they are. I remember at one point they were a close second to tori. With all this new music ive been heavily into..i guess i just..forgot them. They're still so good! I still need to put up new pictures but its so much work. Bah. so i put up 2 of the disneyland ones and one from TO right next to my calendar in front of me now. I must explain the TO one. (TO=Thousand Oaks). LIke an hour before the doors opened to that moz show, i was off mingling with neat and awesome moz fans and david and ©hrist got tired..i guess. And they both laid down on the ground while laughing and talking. Infact one of my new moz friends gave them clothing to use as pillows. So i took a picture of them just laying there..but you can tell they're cracking up. I find it quite humorous myself.

Oh i just DLed two moz mov. files..i should go watch them..gleeeee..whee i just watched part of Our Frank. He's so cute when he says "just no more conversation.." tee hee..ohh now im gonna watch panic. Aww..there's no moz in panic. Just a bunch of flames. Hang the DJ hang the DJ hang the DJ.

Eruh™ the crush just keeps growing and growing and growing...
There's so much tension between me and..the tori ppl. its strange.

Tomorrow Val's coming with me to see Jen play. I'm bored to go, and broke to go, (its next to my favorite music store..ee!) and it'll be raining. But i feel this strong need to support her. I don't know. Eruh™. Then the 10,000 maniacs show is wednesday. Val keeps saying im going to be bored..but if we're right in front..and val's into it..ill have a blast. i know it. ANd she says i can take pictures during the show. Thats such a thrill. I have this thing about taking pictures of performers. I think thats what i want to do with my life. Be a press photographer. I want to take these amazing live shots that capture she engery and emotion of the show. I knew i wanted to do *something* with photography. Hrm.

I just read my latest panic digest..one of my moz friends,april, she got on stage and hugged him at gainesville! Im so jealous. No fair (whimper) Ohhh..and you know how i was DYING to go to the third eye blind show last week? Well lets pour salt in dolll's wound. One of the songs in the encore was "pleade pleade please let me get what i want..". (it's a smiths song..) WHy didnt i go? WHy? Oh yeah, no one would go with me. WHY didnt i go alone? oh sad dolll..

oh yes. this days journal entry may look very on crack on MSIE. Look at it on netscape so it doesnt look cracky. Thanks :)
(yawn) i should go. G'nite everyone.
dolll

music~
the verve
Garbage
Maladjusted
Bis

* Stroke Of Luck *
Hanging by threads
of palest silver
I could have stayed
that way forever
Bad blood and ghosts
wrapped tight around me
Nothing could ever
seem to touch me
I lose what I love most
Did you know I was
lost until you found me

Stroke of luck
or gift from God?
The hand of fate
or devil's claws?
From below
or saints above?
You came to me
Here comes the cold again
I feel it closing in
It's falling down
and all around me, falling

You say that you'll
be there to catch me
Or will you only
try to trap me
These are the rules
I make
Our chains were
meant to break
You'll never change me

Here comes the cold again
I feel it closing in
You're falling down
and all around me, falling

Stroke of luck
or gift from God?
Hand of fate
or devil's claws?
From below or
saints above?
You come to me now
Don't ask me why
Don't even try

Falling...falling...
falling...falling...
falling...falling...
falling...falling

-garbage

be still my heart

* Alma Matters *
So, the choice
i have made
may seem
strange to you
but who asked
you anyway?
its my life
to wreck
my own way
You see,
to someone
somewhere
Alma matteres
in mind
body and soul
in part and
in hole
So, the life
i have made
may seem wrong
to you
but ive never
been surer
it's my life
to ruin
my own way
because to
someone somewhere
alma matters
in mind
body and soul
in part and in
whole

-Morrissey


why thank you geocities 1