i need help guys. i wasnt gonna tell anyone this cos im embarassed and trying to forget it happened..but..okay. i know my step mom has a slight drinking problem. im aware of this. On vacation we were staying in a casino so i expected her drinking and smoking. Saturday afternoon we were shopping in a shoe store. she asked me to hold her purse. I was sitting RIGHT across from her. im bored and im going through the zippers looking for money to pretendim stealing. I open up the first zipper and i find a very small plastic baggy of fine white powder and a short orange straw. I'm not stupid. I closed it up right away and pretended nothing happened.
What do i do? What if i didnt really see that? what if it was a mistake? what if it was something else? Wouldnt she have been more protective over her purse? WHAT DO I DO? SHe is whats holding our family together sadly enough. I need her on my side. I dont know if i should wait until i have more evidence to say anything to her? Do i tell my dad? does he know? What if its just a big misunderstanding. it would be so insulting she'd never forgive me[and she'd hold it against me]. I just. i dunno what to do. :\
Blah.
and one of my very bestest friends is so distanced from me lately. and growing closer to another of my good friends. And i know they arent doing it intentionally, but i almost feel like theyre indirectly picking on me. Im kind of avoiding them. too much hurt over there. Now when they're together i feel like im the 3rd wheel. ya know? It just happened suddenly when i wasnt looking. i dunno.
But things are going good with jeni. shes becoming like my life. i feel like shes my life line and all ive got at the moment. i cant decide. We talked again tonight. after i found the *stuff* i ran to her on the phone and just knowing she was there ont he other side of the phone made me feel better. I cant get involved with long distance friends again. i cant seperate myself from my real life ones.
okay blah?
the wedding was pretty. on a boat. yadada. our car broke down for 3 hours onthe way home. they charged my dad extra cos it was after hours. bye bye ------- So that was my little aol post. from yesterday. i've been sad today.My parents have been on my case all day. I didn't feel like doing anything. The biggest effort i took was taking a shower. I didn't even brush my hair. I just didn't feel like doing a damn thing. And i'm getting fatter still and i just want it to go away. But i keep eating, because i'm upset. I'm listening to Ray of Light right now. Trying to see if i can understand jeni's fascination with the title track. I just can't get into its groove. And i always thought this album was a piece of monkey doo doo other than the power of goodbye, but i have just discovered a new favorite. Skin kicks my butt. its so wonderful.
do i know you from somewhere why do you leave me wanting more?
So anyhow. yeah. And incase you haven't heard Scott Weiland got arrested for posession of heroin today. Very sad. I've had to talk about it a lot with all the fans. Since im one of the "authorities" on scott, a lot of people ran to me for answers and support. I've seen the pain and frustration its causing them. I feel very bad for them. And for scott. The media is going to eat him alive, his wife will probably say goodbye..his career is going pattot. Its like watching his life fall apart. I just want him to be well, and happy. Like tara said. "i dont want him to be another cobain" Julie thinks it will push him over the edge because he takes critics comments so personally. I dont know. And yeah, the selfish part of me is angry that his show this coming saturday is most likely not happening. I wanted to see him too. I just. Blah. Yeah. I dunno.
Then there's jeni :] Like i mentioned before i feel like we're growing closer lately. or im just growing closer to her. Or becoming more dependant on her. I'm not sure. I'm really confused about us right now, but she never says anything directly, so im still in even more wonderment. i dunno. I've been laying it all out on the line with her recently. I feel really insecure. Almost like shes saying "whoa wait a minute, i dont want this" and im getting carried away and dependant. I wish she'd just like tell me everything [hints] and would put my worries to rest. Ah well.
I'm having this amazing bond with jackies strength lately. its strange. I cry every freaking time i hear it. And then when i was mourning the whole scott thing i made it into a parody for that. I have too much time. yeah. erin 02/6/98
why do all the things i say/sound like the stupid things i said before
This is something i posted to the MMC:
So that was my little aol post. from yesterday. i've been sad today.My parents have been on my case all day. I didn't feel like doing anything. The biggest effort i took was taking a shower. I didn't even brush my hair. I just didn't feel like doing a damn thing. And i'm getting fatter still and i just want it to go away. But i keep eating, because i'm upset. I'm listening to Ray of Light right now. Trying to see if i can understand jeni's fascination with the title track. I just can't get into its groove. And i always thought this album was a piece of monkey doo doo other than the power of goodbye, but i have just discovered a new favorite. Skin kicks my butt. its so wonderful.
Then there's jeni :] Like i mentioned before i feel like we're growing closer lately. or im just growing closer to her. Or becoming more dependant on her. I'm not sure. I'm really confused about us right now, but she never says anything directly, so im still in even more wonderment. i dunno. I've been laying it all out on the line with her recently. I feel really insecure. Almost like shes saying "whoa wait a minute, i dont want this" and im getting carried away and dependant. I wish she'd just like tell me everything [hints] and would put my worries to rest. Ah well.