so now the trip is over. it was a really odd trip. the trip wasn't really all about tori. it was about spending time with people i love, and seeing america. thats really what it came down to. Jessen said something like, after all that it took to get to these places, and all the drama that was going on, it became hard to believe that we were going to be seeing tori that night. My favorite memories of this trip have nothing to do with the shows - its with the people i met, and the wonderful hugs they gave me.
don't get me wrong. The tori experience was amazing. i wouldn't trade it for anything. Its just, it wasn't all about tori this time. On the west coast, the reason i cried so much in san diego, was that i had become so attatched to tori. I looked at the whole situation in an entirely different way this time. My feelings for her had changed. Shes just simply amazing. shes just a wonderful person. The shows were wonderful, and im so happy i went. But it was just..different.
after i spoke with her in columbous, things didnt feel very, closed. It was a really uncomfortable feeling. The way tori acted about my letters made me feel like i needed to go back and speak with her one more time about them. Something i knew i wasn't going to be able to do. So it was a very akward uncomfortable ending. But, she fixed that.
When i got home from the airport, i was looking through all my mail, and i had this large, flat, manilla envelope. It didnt have a return address, and i knew it was something promotional. I remember thinking, " i didnt send away for anything.. " and i pull out this 8X10 of tori.
it had writing down it the entire way. I read "erin sometimes we.." and i freaked out. I started yelling for jason and asking him 'what the hell this was" and he started freaking out too. My dad and jason read it before even i did. It took me along time to absorb what this amazing woman had done. She wrote me back. She read my portfolio - my work, and the letter i wrote about being an artist, and she wrote me to give me advice. It totally blew my mind. I just started crying. That gesture meant more to me than anything ever had. She is simply wonderful. I had to think long and hard about telling people about this, or even scanning it. This is so personal to me. But i figure the only people really reading this page will be those that i hold dear to me, and people i'd want to tell about it anyhow. And there might be some random people, but to get here they would have read my entire story, and so its ok. Anyhow, if you'd like to see what it looked like, click here
this note was mailed from grand rapids, on the day off after indy. 2 days after i gave her my portfolio. she even wrote out the address on the envelope herself. I dunno. its so. damn. moving. does that make sense? when it hink about it it just blows my mind. I wish i could thank her.
............
anyhow. so i'd like to thank everyone for the laughs and the hugs and the memories. Danica and Mel and Carolyn were the most comforting. I hope they understood how much that meant. Siobhan and Dor and Jessen and Kellie made me the happiest. Matt and Gina and Emi and Tony made me laugh. And, i know im leaving people out. But i love you all. Thank you for the memories. Really> i can't even get this all out right. Thank you.
love always,
erin dolll.
we're alive
you are alive
still alive
