sweetest one.
what bizarre timing. i just finished watching 'what dreams may come' and i still dont know how i felt about it. it had a bizarre effect on me. almost, bittersweet sadness? where i was in tears, but smiling. and it continued as i read your letter. i was smiling so wide, feeling silly for smiling at a machine, and crying at the same time. so, if i act a little bizarre, you know why. hah. and for some reason madonnas 'drowned world' is ..on repeat. because its good. i dont usually like this song. hmmm...
the new tour makes me want to vomit. too much stress to handle.... sunburns. i hate that. technically being a red head i burn easy. and it increases my freckles. did i mention that i hate them? i wish i could burn them off or something. my hearing has just come back. yay concerts. billy corgan is such an odd beauty.
i love more pink. whenever i go on vacations or anywhere pink and more pink always come along. although,take to the sky is not afavorite of mine :] hee. but that version of here. in my head. its perfection. my keys squeak and stick. i need a new keyboard. but im so USED to this one. i think i would hate a new one.
im sleepy today too. my schedule needs to die. up till 6 now, sleep till 2. what kind of a life is that? a jobless life. i need one. ugh. oh well, maybe ill wait till after my birthday....[i'm not like this all the time] yay madonna
i want to see idle hands. no one will go! i know i can force them to go when we go out for my birthday, because thats my 'anything i want' day (im really big on being a princess on my bday. hahaha..thats why i hated having the club show on my bday last year) and i know i can see idle hands then..and they said ok..but it was followed by 'are you really gonna make us?' so i guess...i would feel bad if i did. ugh. why does everyone have such contempt for it?
i dont know if i hate ebay or not. i bid on unnecessary things, but then i get $70 in the mail today to keep my checks from bouncing and i get happy again...and then bid again. hahaha...god the keyboard creeking is getting worse...when i sign on stan says 'dolphins are intelligent and friendly' and cartman says 'intelligent and friendly on rye bread with some mayonaise.' i dont know why thats my start computer wav. it just is. hahaha
i reallllllly love kroq. i really do. i dont like radio anywhere but here. the djs. i could listen to jed talk for hours. i love him. and john frost is a genius. love it. the block party weekends were kicking my ass this weekend. so good. and since i can only listen to tapes in my car iusually have one i listen to for a month then i pull out a new one. right now its a silverchair neon ballroom/manson mechanical animals. rock n roll man.
no new music for you? aw. bury the hatchet comes out today, so im gonna have to go buy that with my nonexistant money (lets hear it for creditcards i shouldnt have)..i hope its good. but i love the cranberries..soo..and i just ordered ben lees last album...just cos...i should have but i did. hah. what are you looking for ?
...heh, the edited version
i've been talking to people much younger than me lately. younger by 6 and 7 years. two people to be exact. and it seems that, in a sense, i'm opening their eyes a bit..but at the same time they're opening mine. they make me feel important. they make me feel like what i have to say has some sort of value. that i can help them. its an amazing feeling. ive never felt like what ive said had any importance, or any type of impact. its nice. i feel so maternal towards them. they really are amazing. one ive only been talking to over the past few days (ok at like 4am) but...she really has had a profound effect on me...
but i feel like my advice and insight into the human workings is only valid to them because they arent here yet. most people i know are where i am, or beyond. and im just a little nothing. blah. fuck that.
im listening to august and everything after. adam duritz just writes perfection.
did i mention that i hate my directionless and meaningless life? and i hate my relationships. i hate the way my friends always find someone better than me. i hate the way the people i care about move on from me. and i hate the way i hate people that care about me. and i drop and destory them. because i can.
i just want a little passion, to hold me in the dark.
it seems like i should say, as long as this is love, then its not all that easy...
never had no one ever
erin. with a really rufus e.
