i bit my tongue and stood in line with not much to believe in
well hi there strangers. i don't know why it's been so long. but it has. actually, no. i know why it's been so long. i've started school, a 9 week freshman composition english class that is just, nothing but writing. from the time i started this class until now, i didn't write AT ALL. none of my college courses required it. so i missed it, and thats why i kept the journal so up to date. now that i have this class, i feel like im bled dry. i dont need an outlet to write. its sad, i miss doing this. but when i think about doing this, it feels so exhausting, because i can't get it all out. everything is so strange and confusing lately.
my parent's were away for the past week, and it always puts me in a weird...reflective mode. i saw everyone last saturday for a little mini party, but for some reason it wasn't fun for me. i feel like i have too much conflict with everyone i suppose. i just became a loner this week. i hate seeing movies alone, anyone that knows me knows that. but i also became movie girl this past week. monday and tuesday after school i saw two wonderful movies, playing by heart and shakespeare in love. they were both SO wonderful, and the kind of movies i wanted. which was why now nothing is appealing. i didnt go out at ALL. i went to school, saw a movie, bought crafts, did a photo shoot, and watched lots of movies at home. i rented whatever, slums of beverly hills, buffalo 66, and niagra niagra (the only one i haven't watched yet.). i just saw elizabeth tonight. ive loved every movie so far (i dont think i liked elizabeth tho) and ive been totally immersed in seeing movies, of that nature. i dont really know how i feel right now. i feel so odd. i don't want to get into it. i don't even feel safe here. my stepmother thinks im depressed. but from what i remember, depression never felt like this. maybe because matt isnt invloved. HAH! i dont like being old. i hate life. i dont know what im doing here, or what im going to do in the future. i mean really? im almost twenty. i hate everyone pressuring me to get it together. because i don't want to. but i don't want to grow up a loser. ok i can't open this floodgate, i'm too tired. i've missed this a little.
maybe i'll see you soon.
they ask me where the hell i'm going
at a thousand feet per second.
hey man. slow down
i d i o t slow down
erin.
