when i was a little girl you used to answer my prayers. i guess i wasn't asking for much. i guess i didn't remember what i even asked you for. but for some reason, when you and battlecat rode up victorious, i felt like it was all ok again. well i grew up, and you got cancelled. i bet now you're overweight, with a big beer belly, and when little kids appraoch you you belch in their face.
fantasy heros always end up like that.
there's this fourteen year old boy i've discovered as of late. i've been reading whats on his mind. he fascinates me. half of the time i'm like .... in total disagrement to the point where its almost funny, but the rest of the time im in amazment that he is fourteen. i've been absorbing people lately.
thoughts right now
what will become of me?
become of her?
become of we
my hazy groggy memory of that...is us turning to each other...when you realize what you're hearing. when it starts to register. when you hear a friend of yours exclaim "what the fuck?" ..... when you realize, you actually kinda like this song. even though you always hated it before.
every day i fall deeper in love. its such an odd love for me to be in. because i rarely love - platonically. my love is usually reserved for romance. but not this love. i love these boys. they both amaze me every day. every word, every thought. i want to be a part of them. sometimes i feel like it would all be ok up there. kinda how he-man would make me feel. sometimes i wish i could just be a stuffed animal sittiing on his dresser drawer.
i'm kind of sleepy.
are you ever afraid to say something? even tho this is your goddamn journal, and you want people to read it...as you type whatever happens to flow to your fingertips you think...god..someones going to think im crazy? or the person i just wrote about is going to take that wrong..or its going to freak them out.
i hate that. i usually just keep on typing. Can't stop whats coming.
i'm not one to hold back anything though. i bare my soul to everyone and anyone. i don't quite know why i do it to tell you you the truth. i just do.
i watched a leauge of their own randomly yesterday. there is nothing i love more than flipping through the cable channels and finding a movie i can just sit down and watch. because i dont have much else important to do. a leauge of their own is one of those movies. i don't know why i like it so much. i just do.
etienne has been really good lately. i dont know why. just the feel of it. today i saw an old friend randomly. i dropped off christmas presents. it was strange. i felt like i knew better. i felt like only popcorn chicken could make me feel better. and little earthquakes. i dont know why i listen to it lately. it can be really good when i want it to be. i suppose.
its only a phase
i remember when i was fifteen and i was a new tori fan, i was really dramatic. everything was dramatic back then. and one day i discovered upside down. and i wrote this really ... corny and descriptive story about how the song just got inside of me. with the flow of the melody. and i could feel it running through my veins. like it was keeping me alive. and that it was making me feel beautiful. and i could just feel the song running through my body. i thought that made that song extra special
but by now i've learned that that just happens with songs sometimes. you can't tell when or where it will strike. its completley at random. but its the best feeling in the world. it doesnt happen to often. but its euphoria when it does. maybe its like making love to a song.
maybe
why do my entries alway seem longer than anyone else's that i read? i only read like four people regularly. and they fascinate me. i always wish they'd write more, more often. and there are people that i wish would write regularly. if i was a teddy bear i would make him. and the other more.
i found the secret to life
i found the secret to life
cheers,
erin
