by Jodi Buermann, 1998

One day God wanted to hurt my eyes
And so he gave me a nasty surprise

The neighbor lady across the street
Was wearing a bikini to dodge the heat

Her purulent body was at least two miles wide
And huge rolling thighs she neglected to hide

I glanced but a second, then froze in my tracks
I was stunned to death at the figure she lacks

I couldn't move my head I was engrossed in the sight
The stretched out bikini was three sizes to tight

My eyes started to melt and my stomache to retch
As she lumbered 'round back, her husband to fetch

She pointed at me as he pulled out his gun
I was stuck where I was I could not run

He aimed at me just above my head
He pulled the trigger and a strange man lay dead

Curious as it was, they saved my life
The stranger behind me had a sharp knife

I knew who he was, I owed him rent
I was a few bucks short, the man's mind was bent

Now we are good friends, the neighbors and me
But the neighbor lady still wears the stretched out bikini.



Er..Home.

How to Be a Buermann