From: "jumpin' jack blackmer QPM" <6067drous@taurus.cc.umb.edu>
Subject: YOUR MOTHER DIES FROM LOSS OF BLOOD AFTER I STABBED HER IN THE SNATCH WITH A PICKAXE
Date: Tue, 05 Dec 95 09:04:04 0400
Now that that has been settled, let me call attention to your mother's cock, which I am now sucking this very second while 100 niggers and Pink videotape machine creating telephone reciever monsters look on in complete shock. Her dick is approximately 100 meters from base to tip, and I think it's a gonna... Scuse me...
***NO PEEKIN'!***
So anyway ding-dong face, vassal to me and all who stand before you, faggot on the end of a hook, nigger who psychoanalyzes airplanes for the Con, square box of granola and ground up dick hamburger, come and FUCKING HIT ME WITH YOUR FUCKING CAR you sniveling little gummi worm. You made the threat, now CARRY IT OUT, be a MAN for once in your worthless meaningless life, since "Bob" knows you could never be a Yeti at least stand up on the two feet that you have, stop slithering on your belly like some grotesque parody of an atrophied runt centipede with no legs because it ate them all off rather than hurt anybody's feelings, rather than be *impolite*. Don't you think it was impolite to make that threat? WELL for the sake of all the Wolves For Wotan up above, all the Slinky Kool Kats for NHGH down below, and all the half-ass confused rather-bite-off-their-own-dick than perform a decent rape-slaying but actually to wussy to bite off their own dick KindaSubgenii inbetween, your Brothers of the Same Kiddie Pool, your Kindred LackofSpirits, FOLLOW IT THROUGH!! Get your wussy tv-watchin', wife-dry-humpin' carcass over here and KILL ME whydoncha? Hit me with your goddam car, I dare you! I'd bash in the windshield with my BARE TEETH and rip out your eyes and amputate your dick and sell you used to the salvation army before you could say "Oh Lordy ME", I don't care if you got a tank! I'm faster than LIGHTNING BEING PURSUED BY ANGRY JELLYBEANS, I'm meaner than a supernova with a hangover, I reprogram missiles sneakin' up behind me to go back no their makers and blow up the entire US government without even noticing that I'm doing it, without even waking the neighbors from their sunday tea and cupcakes, I buy crustmas wreaths for Dolly Parton's breasts, one each and she wears 'em in PUBLIC, if you think for ONE TEENY TINY atom of a atom of a crumb of a millet seed of a second that you even exist, let alone have half the guts to come get me, well goddamn it, DO IT! DO I HAVE TO USE ALL CAPS TO GET MY MESSAGE ACROSS?
You just sit in your house with your sister for a wife chained up in the basement with no food, and your drooling mutated inbreed kids who have more slack in the corner of their eye than you'll ever have in your DICK, and you post happy-go-lucky meaningless egotistical crap reminiscent of Zachary Carleton on Prozac with a lobotomy and his balls cut off, and you think "hee hee hee I'm a doctor! I makes munny! I supports my family! I is a good doggie!" and you post and you post and you post while mutants everywhere are being literally drawn and quartered by the CON right in front of you and you're TOTALLY OBLIVIOUS! You make me vomit 180 times in succession. You give people unnecessary rectal exams, I've heard the stories they tell around the base, I've heard firsthand accounts from guys who would NEVER admit that kind of thing unless they were severely emotionally scarred by their experiences. Let me tell you this: Unnecessary rectal exams do not make you a "Jumbo Airforce Ranger". Uncle Sam does not want this travesty, what could you be thinking?
Do it. Get over here and hit me because I just can't go on living knowing that a disgrace to fathers, sons, yetikin and Good Guys in general like You Truly is crawling his wriggly way around the earth spreading Normalcy, AIDS and despair. Do you know how many Yeti have committed suicide because of your crusty ass?
Folks, he knows, but I bet you a flower and a star and a bucket of Secretive Goo he won't admit it on the Internet. I'm not kidding here. At least 3 of his patients, 2 of his relatives and 5 of his "friends".
Here is a copy of the suicide note of Sven Svengali, one of Not Rob's alleged friends, who was found having apparently tied his face to the third rail of a new york city subway:
To Whom it May Concern: Nothing matters. Everything is futile and useless. I know that I cannot live through another unnecessary rectal examination. I thought that man had human decency and compassion for squirrels and butterflies and all forms of compassion-worthy creatures, especially me as I gave him my life savings, but it was all a LIE! A wretched lie. I have tried martial arts, but he knows more about anaesthesiology than I ever could, and my limbs fail me. Even now I cannot remove the image of that gleaming metal probe with all the attachments from before my eyes. Dear Christ in heaven, I know that all those who take their own lives are roasted for all eternity, but better that than to let that man near me again. Goodbye.
-- Sven Svengali
Folks, this man died in vain. Not-Rob discovered the note, and hid it, and no one ever saw it again. And he flushed the body, and it was never found. Please, if you have any compassion for poor Sven, help me bring this fiend to justice. And not human justice, Yeti justice. Yes that's right, we're gonna cuff it out man to man. Him and his car against me with both arms and legs duct-taped to my ass so I can't even move. We'll see who wins.
So get over here and DO IT, foul and loathsome wretch. I cannot have satisfaction afore I give thee a sound thrashing.
Note to alt.slackers: I bet his next tactic is to say "Aw, you're not worth it."
***editor's note: He actually DID*** Agsts Q "Ain't nobody eatin' MY face, yo" Damocles QPM
P.S. got your dick caught in the disposal again, Rob?