If you fall victim to this terrible horrible disease, do not hesitate to CALL NOW! Our operators are standing by, drool running down their faces, ready to plunge, TEETH BARED at your neck at any moment, rip out your terrible phobia, and let you have a normal life. Our operators are standing by. Do not hesitate to turn friends and family into Tactical Nuclear Weapons. When they came to put nuclear powered submarines inside my monitor so every time I stepped away for a few minutes they would read all my PRIVATE email, I WAS ARMED TO THE TEETH! I sold them some new drugs, made out of their own foreheads GLUED to their eyeballs. Eyeballs, by the way, are a terrific household cleaning product. Just put them within 1 inch or so of any surface and they will splash fluid on it which is a terrific solvent. Especially if your eyelashes have brushes on them, with scrubbers so you can do all the household chores you need, all just with your EYELASHES! ONLY NINETEEN NINEY FIVE BUCKO! And if you're prehensile, why you can do anything! Off topic, except for prehensile eyelashes, which can crush small animals do death in nine to fifteen seconds flat, row a boat, comb your hair for you, brush your teeth with your EYELASHES (Using Crest Toothpaste), pin you to the ground and make you watch "Falcon Crest" etc etc.

This is a good way to ruin someone, by the way. Make them watch Falcon Crest 24 hours a day, 7 days a week until the show IS their God, they live by Its Precepts, they can talk like all the characters, can't remember who they are, etc., then make them get a job as a public speaker, with no teeth because you have knocked them all out and tattoed "Falcon Crest" on their forehead.

This is what I want to do with my life. Tattoo "Falcon Crest", with the quotes, on people's foreheads, most likely driving the majority of them permanently insane, until I am slain by my progeny.

-Daedalus "Falcon Crest is a HORRIBLE DISEASE" Damocletian QPM -- 1