drooling
locking self in file cabinet
locking coworker in file cabinet
beating up little brother
photocopying feet
picking nose with pick-axe which is named that for a DAMN GOOD REASON
destroying plants and other foliage
getting married to wall
zoning out under flourescent lights
hallucinating
being raped by pig
being eaten by horse
mailing self to foreign country in box
mailing file cabinet to pig as punishment
crossbreeding coworkers
performing medical experiments on subordinates for personal curiosity
vivisecting a pig to annoy coworkers
praying
declaring self to be the new "kwitzas haderach"
metamorphing into a "sand-worm"
decorating office with paperclips
decorating office with own bodily fluids
driving forklift around in circles
driving forklift over coworkers
throwing coworkers in threshing machine
running over head of coworker with lawn mower
causing staplers in shipping department to stampede
selling soul to Satan using a fake name
raining
snowing
eating lampshade
turning into short man
using company-owned chainsaw to mangle coworkers and then eating their entrails in religious ceremony intended to turn self into a short man
coworkers must die in some way
animating corpses of coworkers and getting them to do all your work
for you so you can go home and insert disks. Amen.
-QPM
