Your attention please! There is a most terrible threat to our very nice
country and it lies IN OUR MIDST! NAZIS!! They are putting people in
sealed chambers and then farting them to death! They are cooking baked
chicken and then marching around wearing spiffy costumes! ALERT!! THIS
MEANS WAR!!! Now, if you see a nazi, KILL! If you see somebody that
plays a nazi on TV, even if they are not really a nazi in real life,
kill someone who is standing next to them to even things out! If you see
a spider, pull off four of its legs and then HAVE IT SHOT because now
it's a SWASTIKA! We must rally together against this horrible threat!
But actually we must do it non-violently! If you hear anybody singing a
song that sounds like people marching, sing Grateful Dead songs at the
top of your lungs! Scream the theme to Mr Rogers' Neighborhood at them
until they stop oppressing migrant farm laborers and so-called
"niggers"! We need our country's natural resources, including the
following: arable farmland, oil (not to be confused with
african-americans), clean water, and most importantly, Jesus! That's
right! Jesus was not a Nazi, and you shouldn't be one either! Can you
imagine Jesus with a bottle-brush mustache screaming ZEEG at the top of
his lungs at thousands of adoring fans? So ACT NOW! Be on the lookout
for any and all nazis in your area, or they will have parades or
something!!!! You may laugh at me now, you may say I'm a crackpot, but
mark my words, by 1998 everybody will be a Nazi EXCEPT YOU and you won't
get invited to any parties and popular TV will not address your issues!
SO HELP OUT, BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE! You have nothing to lose but a bunch
of dirty Nazis.
In loyal service to the American Dream,
-agsts T Oagany, QPM