I understand. Not a lot of people have the temerity to go several hundred miles out of their daily routine, just to save the universe from HORRIBLE CREEPING SOUL-SUCKERS. Oh, that couldn't possibly be true, ha ha, that "Video Christ Danielson", he's such a kidder. Oh yeah, it must all be a JOKE! Just like the Church, right? Oh, it's all a joke, besides, there's a new episode of "The Simpsons" on TV tonight!

Or perhaps you may look at my "surreal" writing style and my outlandish ideas and put the IGNORE label on me. And I see your point. After all, the concept of hideous abominations lurking in Paskasketoon, Sasquatchewan bent on THE END OF ALL SLACK is a little hard to take. After all, there IS no such place! I never heard of no Sasquatchewan!

After all, this Video guy is just "insane", right? Or "on drugs", as so many of you put it. He's just saying these things because he can't deal with "real" reality, right? Yeah, if he had to go get a "real job" in the "real world", he'd be sorry! He's no REAL MAN! Real men bash themselves in the face with sledgehammers for a living down at the slag pit, like me! Real men are defined by their capacity to suffer needlessly! What does this guy know, it's better just to ignore him, he's just a figment of your imagination, he's just a stupid wanker, he's just wasting your time, he's just ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQPMRSTUVWXYZ a million a million la la la la la... Go ahead and come up with ALL the excuses you like, after all, we NEED more excuses for complacency, excuses for going to our shit job another day, excuses why we need another cigarette, excuses for not living our lives to the ABSOLUTE FULLEST, sucking the sweat from God's hairy cheek, screaming and laughing and shouting and reveling in joy! After all, we've all got to remain civilized, right? We can't do what we REALLY want, we can't just go jump in the car and have an adventure on the spur of the moment! After all, we've got the job in the morning, we gotta do this all the things we gotta do touch the puppet head, after all if we don't let bubba fuck us up the butt with his crowbar machine, and go play in the primroses or something, he might get upset or something, we might hurt his feelings. They're depending on you, you can't just let them down and go gallivanting off on some frivolous adventure, those Sacred Quests, Holy Romps, capers scams and fornications, well people don't do those in REAL LIFE. Besides it's much safer to just watch others do them on the telly, worship our icons instead of becoming them, you could get KILLED up there in Paskasketoon! And I hear there's nobody to tell you what to do! Now freedom's all well and good, but not that kind of freedom, the freedom to go on reckless, irresponsible romps in the countryside, the freedom to fight Snurgs in the savage tundra of western Canada! No no, the freedom you want is the freedom to buy a cheeseburger whenever you "want" one, the freedom to wallow in misery, the freedom never to STAND UP! After all, isn't laziness and cowardice what America was founded on?

Besides, there ain't no such things as Snurgs, I never read about them in any White Wolf publication, and if there really WERE such things I would have heard about it on the news, right? Or I would have heard about it SOMEwhere, I'm not gonna go believing in no alien space monsters, who are you trying to kid? I've got my nice comfortable one-room reality right here, and you're a JERK for even SUGGESTING that there were wide vistas of unknown experience outside of my room! If I want strangeness, I'll get it through accepted channels, all packaged and safely "fictional", thank you! I don't need no joy, wonder and Slack in my life, that's just kid stuff, who are you trying to kid, ME????

etc etc etc...

The door to the universe is YOU, kids. All you gotta do is grab your lucky rabbit's foot and a big bag of Frop, kiss the spouse and kids goodbye (or heck, BRING 'EM WITH YOU), get in your car, put on that MANIC GRIN, and DRIVE BABY DRIVE! SEIZE THE SECOND! DO IT NOW!

You should have a few weird adventures on your way up to Cambridge. Buy a little notebook before you leave, and write them down. These things are REAL easy to forget, if you're not careful! Also, send me an email before you leave, so we can arrange where to meet, and I can have time to prepare for your arrival.

OTHER THINGS TO BRING:

Weapons. Guns are largely ineffective against Snurgs, but work fine against their minions. Swords, knives and clubs are much better. This is mainly a reconnaissance mission, so you probably won't need any, but it's best to be sure.

Warm clothing.

Food, gas, and emergency money.

Blue paint, preferably cerulean blue.

Paintbrush, large one.

Your Book of the Subgenius, if you have one, as well as other works of poetic and/or religious nature. Whatever moves you personally.

Talismans, again if you have them. No cheezy fakey "Oh, look at the new talisman I got! Isn't it pretty?" talismans please. Only ones that WORK. If you don't have any, that's okay, we can make some for you when you get here.

Flashlight, compass, snowshoes. that should do it. Anything else you think of, feel free to bring it.

Daedalus Damocletian QPM 1