You know, when I first met Ayn Rand, I was immediately sorry for it.
This is because she got all huffy when I took a large Thermos Projector
from the conference room and refused to give it back. She just WOULD NOT
SEE that the projector had grown so large in the intervening time that
it simply would not fit in the door. I am shocked at how some people
have such a completely blatant disregard for reality. She then called in
her security guards who proceeded to take me down into the basement of
the convention center where there was a large vat of acid containing a
rather large quantity of acid which was bubbling due to the large
quantity of acid which had been poured into it by someone who later
poured a large quantity of acid into the large vat of acid. I was
shocked to see that in the basement of the convention center there was a
large vat of acid, and upon tossing all the security guards into the
vat, I discovered to my horror (as they dissolved into component
chemicals) that the vat had been full of acid all along, and not acid as
I had suspected. But rather, acid. So I went back up the interminable
series of escalators to the floor where the Incredible Objectivist
Objectivity of Objectivism Seminar was going on, and I discovered to my
horror that Ayn Rand had set up a large spotlight and by standing in
front of it and performing a rather rude form of interpretive dance, she
managed to replace the need for a thermos projector altogether. This is
yet another example of how women are becoming more "agressive" in the
business world. I hear that they are buying mutual funds, investing in
growth stock options, making sure it's never too early to plan for
retirement... I tell you we're headed for total anarchy when people
start dancing around nude in crowded conference halls while attentive
businessmen with cellular fax espresso machines and goatees in their
briefcases interpret the Marxo-Objectivo-Fasco-Politico-Gnostic meaning
of the shadows cast by her titties and the ensuing relations with
post-Bosnian Eastern Europe. You know, I really think they should just
release a swarm of bees in Bosnia and let everybody get stung on the
butt. That'll teach 'em. They should send OJ Simpson over there to kick
some major Bosnian ass. Hey, did you know that Bosnian for "talking hot
dog stand" is ONE WORD? They have just one word for it in Bosnian:
Sprtczk which is a one syllable word which leads me to believe that the
Bosnians sit around the breakfast cereal table and say to each other,
"Pardon me Drogo, but would you pass the talking hot dog stand? There is
a fly in my cereal and he is making lewd gestures at me with his six
legs and nine genitals, and I feel that I must suppress his freedom of
speech. But I don't want to get his nasty germs in the milk. Okay just
pass me the goddam talking hot dog stand or I'll expose the insides of
your skull to the open air and then call CNN, and then everybody and his
dog will know you wear ladies undies on your corpus colossum! That's it,
I like a good speaking hot dog stand with my Breakfast Cereal Crunchies
of God and Lifelong Happiness, it makes me feel like sweeping off the
porch. AAAAIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!! I AM SHOT! OOK!"
But for fear of getting off topic: Ayn Rand and Objectivism
-Agsts T RAPE YOUR TEETH WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER FOR
CHRISTMAS OR
IT
WON'T BE HOLLY JOLLY AND I WON'T BUY YOU THAT CAN OF COCA COLA THAT YOU
ASKED FOR YOU LIMPING BAG OF SEVERED HIPPOPOTAMUS CHEEKS QPM
--
