What follows is the MST3K style of criticism of an add that appeared on several newsgroups. Very funny! :) --------------- (Fade into the Satellite of Love, where Tom Servo and Crow are looking at a magazine.) Servo: Wow!!! Check out the chips on this baby! Crow: Man, she could feed an army! Servo: Hurry up and turn to the centerfold... (Joel enters from stage right.) Joel: Hi, guys, what are you reading? Servo: Oh, uh, nothing... Crow: Yeah, and you can't stop us from doing it, either! Joel: Let me see that... (takes the magazine) Playbot?!? You guys aren't old enough to be looking at this... Crow: It was Tom's idea! Servo: I just wanted to read the interview with Bill Gates - *you* were the one who turned to the pictures. Crow: Did not! Servo: Did too! Joel: Knock it off, guys. So my two little bots are growing up, huh? Guess you guys have some questions for me... Servo: Umm, no, actually I think we've got it covered, Joel... Crow: I have a question! Joel: Ok, Crow, go ahead. Crow: Ok, say I went into a bar, and met this really cool lady bot. We have a few jolts, then she wants to go back to my place. What do I do after that? Joel: Well, you go on back to your place, and then you watch TV. Crow: And? Joel: Um, you talk? Crow: C'mon, Joel, get to the good stuff! What about - you know? Joel: Oh, that... I don't think you're ready to start learning about preventive maintenence yet. Maybe when you're older. Hold on, the Mads are calling. (The viewscreen opens.) Frank: Hello, Joel, Tom, Crow. How are you today? (Joel and the bots regard each other for a second.) Joel: We're fine, except for being stuck in outer space, I guess... Crow: Yeah, what kind of question is that, blubber boy? Joel: Crow... Frank: Well, Dr. Forrester wanted to know. Oh, here he is now - I'll let him explain it... Dr. Forrester: Good evening, my little pet project... Tonight, we're going to change the pace a little. Instead of our normal experiment, we're going to patch through a netnews feed that we picked up. I think you'll find it... TERRIBLE! Muah-hah-hah-hah! Hit the button, Frank! (Lights begin to flash on the SOL.) Joel & the bots: MOVIE SIGN! WE'VE GOT MOVIE SIGN! (Everyone clears the set, and Cambot moves through the tunnel as the doors open: 6 - 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1. And the theatre comes into view, as Joel enters, carrying Servo, followed by Crow.) Joel: I hope this won't take long; I've got to go brush my teeth. Crow: Yeah, and make sure you use mouthwash this time, halitosis boy! In article <30C7098F.6C5D@cris.com> bigzoo@cris.com writes: >From: bigzoo@cris.com >Subject: LATINO WOMEN AWAIT!!!! Servo: But what are they awaiting for? Crow: A clue? >True Love International has currently compiled a photo booklet of 100 >Latino women from Central and South America Crow: As opposed to 100 Latino women from, say, Tibet? > who have contacted us in the >past 3 months seeking correspondence, romance, and meaningful >relationships with men of all ages and all cultures. Joel: How about someone stranded in space, with no-one to keep him company? Servo: Ah-hem! Joel: Oh, sorry, guys. >We have also compiled an additional list of 300 women who sent letters >but did not include photos. Crow: Can you say dog meat? Servo: You don't know that, Crow. They could just be shy! Joel: Then why are they seeking romance and meaningful relationships through a mail-order bride company? Crow: OW-WOOOO! OW-OW-OW-WOOOO! Joel: Zip it, Crow! >So that's 400 Latino women in all........ Servo: And if you order today, we'll throw in 10 Russian girls, absolutely free! >WHY LATINOS? Because they are the most beautiful, sensual, and >emotionally supportive women in the entire world! Joel: Sure, tell that to Juan Peron. Crow: Oooh, good one! > They are feminine and Servo: Duh, they're women! >sweet........ Crow: How do you know? Have you tasted them? Servo: That's disgusting! Crow: Bite me! >AND BEAUTIFUL!!!!!......... All: I'll bet! >and they know how to take care >of their men! Servo: C'mon, what's to know? Just feed him and sleep with him; he'll be happy! > They are kind, loving, romantic, and filled with a >mothering instinct that every man, at some level, desires. Crow: Every man? Joel: Especially Oedipus! >True Love International has made a committment to focus our services on >the Latino Women because........ Crow: You're getting kickbacks from the governments south of the border? Joel: None of them speak English? Servo: You can't get any other kind to talk to you? Joel and Crow: Yeah, that's probably it... >well........... Servo: I don't think we're ready for that deep of a subject... Joel: That's really bad, Tom; maybe I should reprogram your humor center. >they have gone to our >hearts Crow: With a switchblade... > and their dreams and desires are REAL!!! Joel: You know, that's my problem... I have all of these imaginary desires that keep me from fulfilling my real ones... >The cost of both booklets--100 w/photos and 300 wo/photos--is only >$29.00. Crow: Wow! Only $29.00? How many do you get to choose for that? Joel: Crow, they only send you the booklets - you have to do everything else. They aren't actually selling women. Crow: Geez! What a rip! >If you wish to order, please send a check or money order to True Love >International, P.O. Box 9241, Saginaw, Michigan 48608. Both booklets >will be shipped immediately upon receipt. Joel: The checks in the mail... Servo: Does anyone else have a craving for tacos now? Crow: These guys should run for office! >Thank You! Joel: At last, it's over! Servo: I'm not sure - was this more or less terrible than 'Manos, Hands of Fate'? Joel: What do you think, sirs?