"This Time Around"
By: gb
Ryan continued to watch Gillian sleep as he smoothed her blanket around her. Her peaceful face showed no sign of her displeasure awhile ago when he had told her how beautiful she was to him.
His mind returned to his thoughts about her from a few moments ago.
Gillian seemed to have this urgency about people noticing her and Ryan had often indulged it when the mood had struck him.
She commanded attention when she entered a room.
Hayley's issues had somehow seemed more important than clothes and hair and he had to admit, he had sometimes found Gillian silly with her constant need to look good and have center stage. But it had just seemed that the more Ryan focused on Hayley, the more Gillian obsessed with her appearance.
Ryan knew he was only kidding himself if went under the assumption that no other men noticed his wife- David certainly had and Jake and Mateo; the list was endless. But it seemed only Ryan's attention she had wanted even though she had caught everyone else's eye. She had pushed every right button to make him jealous and every time, she had succeeded. No one else had ever been able to do that to him!
"That's because you're in love with her, buddy!" he said out loud to himself.
Sajan stirred from his place on the bed and watched him now.
Ryan smiled wryly at him and looked back at Gillian.
She was different now.
Still fabulous in her style, she no longer wore that look of hope when she saw him. She didn't parade in front of him in skimpy, tight clothes and flirt endlessly with others in a tiring effort to make him see she was beautiful. Her clothes were tight and skimpy just because she liked them and she was indifferent to his thoughts now.
The change had happened after Ryan had gotten out of jail and after he had kissed Hayley.
Plainer, simpler Hayley who hadn't ever seen one Paris runway or had her hair set by Jose Eber.
That one gesture had taken all the enthusiasm out of Gillian's routine. She had wanted nothing more to do with her appearance or Ryan's attention to it.
For the most part, expensive, fancy, sexy nightgowns had been replaced by plain bathrobes and t-shirts and boxer shorts. Designer runway ensembles had made way for her simple hospital candystriper uniform that everyone had to wear.
Her pride had forced her to focus on her career and issues with more substance.
He looked at her pajamas now lying on the floor next to their bed.
She had returned to some of her sexier styles, but now he knew that it was for her alone that she dressed and some stunt to get his attention.
She had grown up along the way and he had missed it though it had happened before his eyes.
He turned to her face again.
"I made you feel bad, Princess," he whispered in understanding. "And you got even by becoming even more beautiful by allowing your true caring nature to show through by being a nurse and helping others and then telling me to take a hike. Gillian, your beauty is just so obvious, but I guess it kept me from seeing that there was even more beauty inside. I'm sorry I called you beautiful and always treated you like that's all there was. I guess in my mind, that was just easier to accept. But I never should've stopped looking.
You're not lifeless like a painting or a flower, garden, or castle and I certainly never was able to forget you. You are very real to me, I promise. You can't help that you've got it going on. Not many women would feel sorry for you, Baby. Who could compete with those eyes and that smile?! I'm proud that our baby will have you for her mother. I'm scared I won't be so hot as her dad...but you'll do just fine as her mom."
From his place on the bed, Sajan mewed as if he understood what Ryan was trying to say.
"Looks like you're getting a little sister already, Buddy." he teased him.
He stopped talking now and realized that he hoped when he went to take a shower the next morning, he would find Gillian's makeup all over the counters in piles too high to take in in one glance!
He looked over at her dressing table and saw her many perfume bottles sitting on top of them.
He had to fight to keep from bursting out loud at a commercial he always used to see came into his mind:
"I can't seem to forget you...."
end of part 48
(to be continued...)
Next time: Ryan explains himself a little to Gillian and they share their news with the other residents of Wildwind!...