~ ~ ~
watching "can't hardly wait", i came across a scene where
the stripper angel (played by "dharma and greg's jenna elfman) told preston about a situation she was in concerning scott baio off "happy days". the line that sparked in me a remarkable sense of truth was when she spoke about fate only taking you so far, then it was up to you to make things happen.
being a true believer in fate, and hanging on to that thought, this page will be dedicated to anything i may devise about fate and the role it plays in our lives....
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I believe fate is found, and destiny created.
Life brings you so far, then it’s up to yourself to take those last steps.
So little has happened in my short years, so little to write, yet I believe there are but a few instances where hesitating on the doorstep of destiny let fate slip from my hands.
Yes, I can write, and people praise me.
I can write well, I have a good imagination, vocabulary, poetic nature.
Yes, I can write, but no, I cannot live.
All I write, if I could live but a page, a word, a single letter, I would give everything.
For it is one thing to dream, it is another to live.
Sometimes I fear I have written myself a prison.
Words and words of things so badly wanted, that nothing is allowed in.
Too scared to risk living the words, I simply box myself up in them.
It is like the love I want to feel, yet am scared to for the day that it fades.
One knows roses die, yet one never likes to feel the thorn.
Or see the petals fall.
~ ~ ~
N
o sad songs tonight
‘Are you ok?’
A nod of the head, a wave of dismissal.
Yes, I’m ok.
No I’m not.
Laughter, smiles, all around.
I’ve worn them all out.
They don’t care.
They don’t even ask any more.
This morning when I arrived they’d barely spoken.
Hello to everyone else, I just stood there.
I wondered why.
‘I’m sorry. I didn’t know. Are you ok? Do you hate me?’
Yes, it’s fine. You have my blessing, go for him.
What can I say? What can I do? I am the one who should be sorry, I’m the one he doesn’t know is alive. I’m used to it by now.
Laughter.
Thank god it’s mine.
Thank you, you make me laugh.
Either that or cry. Why am I here?
I think people are talking behind my back, mean things.
I thought that was all over.
Some people never change.
But at least I am laughing.
Thank you, I am happy.
‘You’re chirpy.’
I guess I shouldn’t be.
Why won’t she talk to me?
But I don’t want another lecture from Miss LoveExpert.
I can’t look at him. I mustn’t.
I didn’t want to speak to her, I knew this was coming.
Even though they said it wouldn’t.
Had it all figured out what I’d say to you. Why would he talk to me? He never has before.
But thank you for the laughter.
Why does this always happen to me?
It’s going to rain tonight.
At least there’s comfort in consistency.
~ ~ ~
how is it possible to miss
something so terribly
even after never having
it to begin with?
~ ~ ~
today I visualise the world around me, not as a
person , but as a writer
some things call to be imagined, some to be seen,
others just to be dreamt
what do you do when
dreaming is all you know?
~ ~ ~
I had a fight with my friend today.
I don't know why really, it was just a time to vent.
For her faults are that her life is working out, for mine it's not.
She told me that I think too much.
I should just let things pass me by or I am going to be unhappy for a long time.
This scares the hell out of me.
It also scares me not to feel what she feels, she has someone, and why it is that she doesn't seem to be able to let me feel that way.
To need someone.
But teach me not to think.
~ ~ ~
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