‘You what? You want me to sign me?’ I squeaked.
Taylor and Ike came rushing up from behind.
‘You heard it! I told you you’d love me!’ Ike wrapped me up in a hug.
‘You....you knew?’
‘’Course we did! We just didn’t tell you. They’ve been to every concert. Even a few sound checks.’ Taylor planted a kiss on my cheek and grabbed my hand.
‘But I....this.....I.....wow!’
‘So, do you accept?’ Steve asked.
‘Of course I do!’
It took until the end of the tour for the shock to wear off but by then I was on my way back to Seattle to start recording and the daze returned.
Me!
In a recording studio!
With a recording contract!
It was too unbelievable to comprehend.
I spent the next few days preparing for everything, which entailed jotting down song ideas, finding out about all the things and other things.
The days went by in a blur.
Before I knew it, it was three weeks later, Hanson were home from tour and I received a phone call from Tay.
‘Hey baby! I’ve missed you.’
‘Hey Tay! You would not believe the things I have been doing! The studio is huge and the people are soo nice! Nicole, that’s my PR person, said that as soon as we get a song down they’ll get me an instore! Can you believe that? I mean I never thought........’
‘It’s so good to hear your voice again.’
‘Huh? Oh! Did I tell you that Steve.....’
‘It’s been three weeks, why haven’t you called?’
‘Oh, sorry! I have been so busy! I called last week, didn’t you get the message?’
‘You knew I’d be in LA last week.’
‘Oh yeah. I forgot. Look, I’m really sorry, but I can’t talk for long, I have to meet with some people. I don’t really know what for. Something to do with an album.....’
‘I miss you so much, but why do I get the feeling you don’t feel the same way?’
‘Tay! Of course I miss you! I just don’t have a lot of time to call. I’m sorry. I just get back from working and I crash. This is my big chance you know.’
‘I know. I just want to know you still think of me once in a while. I never stop thinking about you, you know.’
‘You know I do Tay.’
‘I made time for you, you know.’
‘Tay, I love you, you know that. But this is my big chance to make it somewhere. I just need to know you’re behind me.’
‘Of course I am.’ A pause. ‘Look, I’d better let you go. You seem real busy. I’ll write? And you keep at your dream. I’ll be behind you every step of the way ok?’
‘I love you Tay.’
‘I love you more.’
It wasn’t until later that night recalling the phone call that I caught onto the pain in Taylor’s voice.
I cried myself to sleep that night, thinking of and missing him, but it was too late to call and apologize.
During the next day, I vowed to find time to ring Taylor, but somehow it got away from me and before I knew it I was crashing for the night again.
The day had been pretty hectic, and a little disastrous, the song I had spent all night penning had been brutally rebuffed. I felt like crying.
All I wanted was to ring Tay, but I saw that the time was almost midnight and I knew that again I was too late.
Unable to sleep I switched on my radio.
‘ First time I saw you girl, you turned me upside me down, I can’t stop thinking ‘bout you my head is spinning round. I got to find a way to get with you somehow, girl I’m so crazy for you, you know I want you now....and every minute of every single day I’m dreaming of how it could be...... and every night before I go to sleep I’m praying that soon you’ll be here with me...... ’
I’d never heard this song before but I was hooked.
‘Heaven, heaven oh heaven can’t you help me... I looked in her eyes now she’s all I see. Heaven oh heaven can’t you help me, I’m down on my knees please help me..... ’
It was such a beautiful song, I wished I had a tape recorder there so I could have recorded it.
‘Can’t fall asleep tonight, I don’t know what to do, I hold my pillow but I wanna be holding you. And when I close my eyes I always see your face......I know my happiness is only a kiss away.....and every night here in the dark every beat of my lonely heart tells me that I need to be with you, heaven oh heaven what can I do?’
It fit perfectly.
The more it played, the more I thought of Tay and the more tears flowed.
Oh how I wished he was here with me, I wished I hadn’t of been so rude to him and not called.
I just wanted him here.
Little did I know that halfway across the country, Tay was laying in his bed listening to that very same song and thinking of me, missing me almost to the point of tears.
If only I had known, things may have turned out differently.
After a restless sleep, I awoke to find myself staring at a huge bunch of roses sitting on my bedside table.
Excitedly, I sat up and searched for a card, already assuming they would be from Tay.
I found one and opened it gleefully.
I was a little surprised at what I saw, the roses were not from Tay, but from Will.
My heart sank.
What if Tay hated me now because I had forgotten about him?
Almost instantaneously, I picked up the phone.
I knew I should ring him and apologize, begging for his forgiveness.
But somehow my fingers found Will’s number.
Later that day I received a letter.
The Bixby zip code told me it was from Tay.
I ripped into the letter without hesitation.
As I read, my heart seemed to fall through the floor.
This letter was not at all as I expected it to be, the warm, loving letter that Tay usually bestowed on me, the “I love you’s” and encouragement.
It was a brief, almost cold letter telling me that Hanson were going to England next week and he wouldn’t be home for almost a month.
song credit Nu Flavor, "Heaven"
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