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Day of the rose.......
The day dawned.
The world was there.
A sad procession passed through the quiet Tulsa street.
‘Roses. So many roses.’
‘It should have rained. On a day like today. For the sun should not shine it’s heavenly light on such a day of tragedy and sorrow. A day when the world is a place of unjust and deceit. A day where the rise of the sun itself brings with it indeed a beginning, but far greater of an ending. And the ending is what we all feel. Not the beginning. The ending of a young life, a promising young life, a happy young life, an inspirational young life. What this young life gave to the world, the gift of music, the gift of joy and for some, he gave so much more. Through his music, his image, and mostly through just him, Taylor Hanson gave the world his all. Something we will all feel deeply is gone.’
.... There’s a candle burning in the world tonight
The ceremony was a beautiful one.
‘Though the beginning we aren’t seeing is even more important than the ending we are. For all things end, but only some can begin again. As unjust as it may seem, what we must do is look for the ray of hope that shines with every day of despair. We must take into ourselves the belief that it takes a special person to leave the earth so young, for God only takes the best. Though he has room in his heart for all mankind, his arms are only so big at any time as to shelter the most precious. Here he looked down and found an angel, simple and pure. And with this, we can see that Taylor is simply moving on and starting again. He has found a better place. In the harmony of God’s world.’
.... Sometimes I stare out my window
As the priest stood down from the altar and he stepped up, Ike held the eulogy he had painfully written the night before in his hand.
‘Ike?’
.... Tell me
The door slammed behind him.
Ike bent down to pick up the Star of David choker that had fallen to the floor.
....Now the times in frightening
‘Yes. We’ll miss Taylor, and all he was in our lives. He is something no one can replace, and no amount of time can take away the pain his loss has caused us. But we must all remember that for all our tears, there is someone who will cry no more. For all our sorrow, there is someone who is happy and will never feel pain or hurt or sorrow again. And that is the one we will cherish in our hearts, forever. Not in tears, not in regret, not even in memory. But in love, light and life itself. Taylor. Forever.’
Yes.
A bright sunny day, the sky cloudless, a crystalline blue that reminded Ike of only one thing.
Taylor.
It was as if Tay had lent his eyes to the sky.
That he, as the sky, was looking down on his family, from wherever he was now.
Telling them that it was going to be ok.
He was ok.
The pain was gone.
Fans and haters alike.
The world was there in the TV cameras that lined the sidewalk.
In the papers that filled the stands.
In the ears that listened.
In the roses that filled the streets.
The world was there.
But Taylor wasn’t.
And that was all that mattered.
A mother, a father, three sons and three daughters.
A grandfather, a grandmother and a pop.
Uncles and aunts, cousins and friends.
All carrying roses.
Red, white, black roses.
Red for Tay, and love.
White for sorrow, and peace.
Black for the day.
‘Tay always liked roses. He was only to macho to admit it. Wonder how they knew.’
‘Fans found out everything.’
‘No. Not everything. Not the roses. Tay never let them know about the roses. He kept it a secret.’
‘Then how did they know?’
The day was filled with roses.
For another child who vanished out of sight
And a heart is broken, another prayer in vain
There’s a million tears that fill a sea of pain....
Full of song, prayer.
Full of love.
It was something Taylor would have enjoyed, as best as one can, only he wasn’t there to see it.
My thoughts all drift into space
Sometimes I wonder if there’s a better place....
The torn and crumpled piece of paper that had taken him so long to write.
In fact, it had taken him fifteen years to write.
And though not his own, a whole lifetime.
Taylor’s.
And as he took his stand, he looked out into the cathedral and saw the faces of the people he loved the most.
His mother, his father, his brothers, sister, aunts, uncles, cousins.
His grandparents from Michigan.
Everyone and anyone he had ever loved was there.
Except one.
He looked down at the piece of paper in his hand and cast it aside.
All the words, all the heartbreaking words were not enough.
They did not show what he was feeling, did not show what was going through his mind, or least of all his heart.
No words he could ever write would.
‘Yes. It should have rained today. It should have been stormy and black and poured with rain. It should have been as dark as night and thunder should have rolled through the heavens. I don’t really know why, but it should have been that way. I guess because rain is the saddest weather. It’s like the heavens crying.
You know, Taylor used to love the sky. The wide blue sky, or the heavens full of stars. He would sit and just stare up there forever, just thinking he would tell me. I never really understood why. He just used to do it. Even in the worst storm, he would sit by his window and watch the lightning streak across the sky. His eyes would light up and he’d ask me, ‘Isn’t it amazing? Isn’t it beautiful?’ Of course I never paid much attention to him. It seemed kind of weird to me. I mean what’s so good about a storm? Rain and stuff? The only thing that ever crossed my mind about storms was how I didn’t want to power to cut out while I was in the middle of chapter thirty seven on my novel. But Tay would sit there, usually pen and paper in hand, writing, doodling, coming up with ideas for songs, and he would stay there and watch out the entire storm.’ Ike paused to take a breath, and to wipe a few stray tears away.
‘So, I remembered last night, Tay’s fascination with the sky, and I sat and watched the storm. It’s cruel, really, how I needed to remember, how it took me until after he was gone to see. It’s sad how things like that work. How it’s only after the moment has passed we really treasure it. Like birthdays, or weddings, or kisses. Only after it is gone do we take the time to cherish it, only to wish we could have it back. When we could have savored it at the time. But in all honesty, I believe that this was something not meant to be cherished in the moment. This was something made to be remembered, something only for the memories. Anyhow, as I sat there watching, it was almost as if I wasn’t remembering, it was as if it was all suddenly coming to me then and there. Something the sky had brought me, something straight from the stars and the heavens. And in some weird way, straight from Taylor.’ Ike could see his mother and his father and siblings in the front pew, tears streaming down there faces, pain etching deep lines.
He could also see his younger brother, Zac, curled up the ball he had been since that night.
That night that had taken his brother.
And his light.
And the sight tore at Ike’s heart.
‘It was as if a voice floated into my head, as I was sitting there. I don’t really know if there was one, but somehow I think I heard it. A familiar voice, one I’d know as well as my own. Telling me to be strong, telling me to live on, be happy, smile again. For the voice was smiling and the darkness had gone. Everything was ok.’ Ike struggled to get the last of the painful words out.
‘The darkness had gone. And as I looked outside the window I noticed the clouds were clearing. The stars were starting to shine through, and I realized. For the first time I knew......my brother, my soulmate, Taylor wasn’t meant for this earth. He was meant for the sky. He was meant for the clouds and the stars and the rain. He was meant for the sky, to fly free. And today, as he finally took to the sky, he leant his eyes to the sky, to look down on us, from his New World. As a sign. A sign that he was finally free. Finally happy and where he should be. And Jessie, today, he is now flying with the angels.’
He shook her hand away.
‘He’s gone Destiny.’
Ike heard the sound of running feet.
Where do fallen angels go
I just don’t know
Where do fallen angels go
They just keep fallin’....
The sad faces and the tears and the pain, behind him.
Ahead lay the blue, blue sky, Taylor.
And the roses.
The day was filled with roses.
And Zac knew Tay was there.
The cool metal burnt his hand.
He let it fall back to the floor.
Can’t ignore the facts
There’s so many people
Just slippin’ through the cracks
So many ashes are scattered
So many rivers run dry
Sometimes your Heaven is Hell
And you don’t know why
So listen
Where do fallen angels go
I just don’t know
Where do fallen angels go
They just keep falling, falling, falling......
Can you hear me
Can you hear me
Somewhere out there there’s a shining light
And I got to be with you tonight
And with all we’re nowhere
We still pay the price
Yeah the Devil seems to get his way
In downtown paradise
Where do fallen angels go
I just don’t know
Where do fallen angels go
They just keep falling, falling, falling......
Where do fallen angels go
I just don’t know
Where do fallen angels go
They just keep falling, falling, falling......
There’s a candle burning.... (song credit to Aerosmith, “Fallen Angels”)
Yes we will.
Forever.
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