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You don’t have to die to be an angel.......
a cause from your point of view. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if Taylor was unsure, or could not remember of the cause of his downward spiral. Although.....Taylor may be an exceptional case, what with all the pressure he is constantly under with being who he is, and of course, all the pressures build up and all it needs is one little thing to make him crack.’
Headlines screamed the news the next day, “Taylor Hanson suffering depression”, “Pop-wonder Taylor Hanson can’t handle the strain” or even, “Taylor Hanson attempts suicide.”
‘Hello, um, I was wondering if Peta was there.’
‘Dad?’
Destiny made her way through the hordes of reporters that had been camped in the lobby of the hotel Hanson were staying in for two days now.
‘Dest.........’
‘Tay, you’d have to be one strongest people I know. With all you have to go through......I.....you, you and your brothers make me strong, the power of your music and your amazing gift to bring happiness to people...what it has done for me. I have found faith and the right to believe in life because of you and your music.’
Ike spent the day curled up on the floor outside Taylor’s still locked door.
Was that someone crying on the other side of his door?
‘I know Chris. I know. But there’s not much I can do. No one seems to know when he’ll come out. We can’t.....I know that....it’s not that simple.....ok. Cancel the tour. Yes. That’s right. Cancel the Albertane tour. We’ll have a press conference tomorrow. I have to go now. I’ll talk to you soon. Bye.’
Walker nodded slowly.
He could understand what the doctor was saying, but he could not see how it was helping his son.
‘So, I think that whatever is causing Taylor’s depression is a combination of all the stressful things in his life at the moment, although I don’t think Taylor realizes that. Statistics state that most depression sufferers develop the condition almost instantly, but when, thought regrettably if, they recover, it takes months, maybe even years. I must tell you that over twenty-five percent of sufferers do not recover, and that almost half of those go on to commit suicide. Sad statistics I know, but I must inform you of all the truths of the matter.’
With that piece of information, Diana felt her heart lurch.
‘S..s...suicide?’ she whispered numbly.
‘Mrs. Hanson, it is only a small percentage of people that commit suicide. Most people recover, if only slowly, and you must remember that.’
Walker cleared his throat.
‘So, we don’t really need to worry about Taylor, ah, doing anything like that? You’ll help him recover before he gets that bad?’
Dr. Hasten bowed her head.
‘Mr. Hanson, it is with regret that I tell you I can not help your son. While he is locked up in his room and not willing or able to communicate with anyone, there is nothing I can do. All my work revolves around the co-operation of the patient. You or other people close to Taylor need to get through to him before I can.’
Walker sighed and his heart sank lower.
Ike broke down when he read the last one.
He had no idea where it had come from, but for all he knew it could be true.
For all Ike and the rest of his family knew, Taylor could have attempted suicide......and succeeded.
‘I’ll just get her for you, who is it calling?’
‘Ah, it’s a friend. Taylor.’
‘Ok......uh, sure.’
Taylor held his breath.
‘Hello? Who’s this?’
‘Peta? It’s Taylor? Hanson?’
‘Taylor! Oh my god! You’re, you’re alive! Oh my god! How are you? Are you ok? What’s wrong? Oh no.....it’s not.......’
Taylor could barely keep the tears and pain from his voice.
‘Isaac, what is it?’
‘Can I talk to you?’
‘Sure.’ Walker wearily offered his son a seat next to him.
‘What’s troubling you?’
Ike shuffled uncomfortably in his seat.
‘Ah, I was just wondering what the doctor had to say.....about Tay.’
Walker placed his head in his hands.
‘Nothing really. Nothing helpful anyway. She said that Taylor is probably suffering depression because of all the stress he is under. But there is nothing she can do, with him in that room and all. She said that he probably didn’t even realize what he is going through, most sufferers don’t, they just keep...’
Ike broke his father off.
‘I think I know what’s wrong.’ He whispered cautiously.
‘They fall into it so quickly.....huh? Did you say anything Isaac?’
‘I said I think I know what’s wrong.’
She made her way, sobbing bitterly up to Hanson’s floor.
It was the first time since that night that she had worked up the courage enough to go and face them again.
Somehow she had known things were not going to be alright, so she had kept her distance.
But she felt terrible and when all the things about Taylor came out she had wanted to curl up and die.
Why was he doing this?
Over her?
Of course no one questioned her as she went through to Hanson’s room, no one knew she had anything to do with Hanson.
Let alone Taylor’s depression.
‘Oh Ike! What have I done?’
‘Destiny, please, I...I can’t see you right now.
‘Ike! Ike wait! You can’t hate me for what Taylor is doing! I know it’s all my fault but there was nothing I could do! You know that! What could I have done? No one had any idea.......Ike?’
But Ike had the door half shut.
‘Destiny, I know it’s as much my fault as yours, I know that. But I just, I don’t know, it’s just not the same any more. And, I really don’t think it can ever be. Taylor, well, as much as I loved you....’
Destiny cringed.
‘Loved Ike? Does that mean....... What does that mean?’
‘Taylor is my brother, and I miss him terribly. All that matters now is getting him back. Getting him out of that room and well again. Nothing else matters. Nothing.’
Destiny shook her head.
‘But...but he’ll get better soon, and everything will be back to normal.....’
Ike shook his head angrily.
‘Nothing will ever be the same, can’t you see that? Taylor may never fully recover! He may stay in that room his whole damn life! No one knows! Not one bastard knows anything! Not even the slightest thing that can help him!’ he screamed.
‘You don’t know how it is! Your brother, locked in a room and no one knows whether he’s ever going to come out! No one can even tell me why he’s in there! The have no idea! All these brilliant pyschiatrists, and they don’t know a f*@!ing thing! The only thing they can tell as is that Taylor probably doesn’t even know why he’s in there! Ha! Thanks for that! That’s just bloody wonderful isn’t it? Good thing you and I know why he’s in there isn’t it? Or where would we be then? Hell, no one even knows if he’s still alive in there! For all we know he could have jumped out his window four days ago!’
Destiny’s hand flew up to her mouth and she gasped in horror.
Ike shook his head, this time in disgust.
‘You wouldn’t have any idea. Not a clue.’
And he slammed the door in her face.
Taylor sat with the phone up to his ear.
‘Believe....’
‘Taylor, I believe in you.’
‘In me. In me.’
He spent the day wondering, sobbing, and sometimes talking to his brother through the silent door.
‘...I blew up at her. Even though I know it is more my fault. I just....it’s just that I feel like I never what to see her again. It’s weird.’
Silence.
‘Oh god Taylor! Please! sob, I, oh god....what have I done? Taylor.....’ Ike broke down.
Taylor couldn’t remember what was on the other side of the door.
Only the sobs that floated through day after, no, had days passed?
He couldn’t remember.
Hour after hour?
Week after week?
And why were they crying?
Who was it that was so sad?
Walker hung up the phone and buried his head in his hands.
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