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Part II
Chapter 1 - The End of a Dream?
Taylor and I continued to date until about July 1996 when he and his family started discussing moving to LA to record ‘Middle of Nowhere’, Hanson’s big break. It was the best three months; I never wanted it to end. Taylor was my whole world, and he took my mind off leaving Anaheim. He even wrote me a song; ˜I Will Come to You.’ It was to be put on ‘Middle of Nowhere’. Taylor was majorly excited about going to LA of course, it might be the break they were looking for, and having been rejected by 12 other record companies, he wasn’t about to let this one go. But he didn’t want to leave Tulsa, this was his home and after living all over the world at times he was ready to stay in one place. He also didn’t want to leave me, and I didn’t want him to go. I didn’t find out for sure if they were going to LA until a few days before they left. It was a pretty sad week. The Thursday before they left, I was sitting on my bed looking through photos of Taylor and I in New York when I heard the doorbell ring. I raced downstairs and opened the door to see a very upset Taylor standing there. “Hi Tay! Tay? What’s wrong?” He took my hand and led me up to my room. “What? Are you sick? What… Oh. You’re going aren’t you?’ A lump formed in my throat and I could barely choke out the last words. He didn’t say anything, just looked to the floor.
*Taylor*
Why does it have to be so hard? I love her so much; I don’t want to leave her. Why does it have to hurt so much?
*Peta*
I felt like a huge weight had been dropped on my shoulders and I sank to the floor. I started to cry. “Hey..it’s ok.’ He came down onto the floor beside me and held me close. I couldn’t stop sobbing. “No it’s not! You’re moving and you’ll be famous and you’ll forget all about me! I’ll never see you again!’ I cried louder and he hugged me closer. “Shhhhhh, Peta! Please, listen to me!’ I managed to calm down enough to look into his eyes.
Chapter 2.- Losing Taylor
He was crying too. “Look at me. I love you Peta; I love you so much it hurts. I know I have to go, but I promise I’ll be back. I’ll never, ever forget you, please don’t think that! You mean the world to me and I’ll do everything I can to make sure we will be together always. Please believe me!’ “I love you more than anything Taylor!” I sobbed. We kissed for a long time. We held each other for a while longer before I asked him when he had to leave. “Saturday.’ He told me. “Oh.’ The day after tomorrow. I had one day left with him. I couldn’t take it. “I promise I’ll be back, you know I couldn’t leave you forever. We’ll visit and write and I’m going to dedicate ‘I Will Come to You’ and our first live show to you.’ He promised. I tried to smile. “Oh Taylor, what will I do without you?’ “Just remember, ‘When you have no light to guide you, and no one to walk beside you, I will come to you, oh I will come to you. When the night is dark and stormy, you won’t have to reach out for me, I will come to you, oh I will come to you...’ He sang the whole song to me and we held each other close. He told me he had to go but to meet him at the park near his house tomorrow at eleven. That night I played the copy of “I Will Come to You’ Taylor had given me over and over again and cried myself to sleep. I went to the park at eleven and waited for Taylor to show up. I was still waiting at half past twelve. At one o’clock he still hadn’t shown up and I fled home in tears. Mom asked me what was wrong but I was so upset I shut myself in the bathroom and wouldn’t come out. I cried so much I didn’t think I could ever cry again. I started to think back to the time that I first met Tay. A similar thing had happened then too. “Why do I keep doing this?’ I asked my reflection.
Chapter 3.- Too Stubborn.
“Is he really worth it?’ But I knew the answer. Soon after, mom came to tell Taylor was here to see me and he was pretty upset. I wanted to tell her to make him go away because I was angry but I wanted him so bad I couldn’t. He came and knocked on the door. “Peta?’ I didn’t answer. “Peta, please?’ When I didn’t answer a second time, he said, “Ok, don’t answer then, just listen to what I have to say. I am sooo sorry about today at the park, I don’t know what to do or say, I know you’re angry and I deserve it. I know I can never make up for it or for me going away, but please know I love you and I would never hurt you on purpose. Peta?’ I was crying so hard that I couldn’t answer even if I wanted to. “Peta? Ok, well...I’ve gotta go. I love you; you mean everything to me.’ He waited a bit longer before saying, “Well. See ya sometime I guess. I’ll miss you babe. A lot.” I heard him say something to mom then the front door slam. I realised I had to see him! I quickly unlocked the bathroom door and flew down the stairs. I flung open the front door. “Tayl....” I was just in time to see the Hanson van go around to corner. I sank to the ground. “Taylor! I have to see you! Just one last time!’ I sobbed.
*Taylor*
Why am I such a jerk? Not that I blame her for not wanting to see me, or even talk to me. I haven’t even left Tulsa but it feels like I’ve already lost her. Why was I so stupid? I love her so much, why did I have to hurt her so bad?
*Peta*
Mom brought me inside and I went straight to bed, but this time I had no tears left to cry. The next morning I woke up and it took me awhile to gather my thoughts. Then I remembered Taylor.
Chapter 4 - Too late.
“Oh my god! He’s leaving today! I have to see him!’ I flew out of bed and was showered and dressed in record time. Mom and dad had already left for work and Ben was at a friend’s house. I scoured the bench for a note from Tay, saying what time they were leaving but I couldn’t find one. I rang Tay but the machine picked up. “Damn!’ I slammed the phone back down.
I didn’t know what else to do so I jumped on my bike and rode as fast as I could to Taylor’s house.
When I got there, there was no car in the drive and the place looked deserted. I knew I’d missed him.
I must have stood there, in the driveway, for a full two minutes just staring at the house and Taylor’s bedroom window. A few tears escaped and ran down my cheek. I had just lost the person who meant everything to me and I was too selfish to even say good bye. I was about to turn around go home again when I noticed an envelope on the front doorstep. “Someone must have given them a going away present but missed them.’ I thought. “I’d better take it to the neighbors to mind it.’ I dropped my bike and went to pick the letter up.
I was about to shove it in my pocket when I noticed it was Taylor’s handwriting and it was addressed to me. I opened it and read it.
Dear Peta,
I waited as long as I could but you didn’t come. I know it was my fault and I am so sorry, I know I hurt you and I wish I could make it up to you. I left a message on your machine. Did you get it? Please know I love you and I am coming back. I understand if you don’t want to see me again but I don’t feel that way at all. Our plane will probably already be on it’s way to LA by the time you get this so I guess this is good bye. It’s not the best way to say it, but it’s not forever unless you want it to be. I’m sorry I broke your heart. It’s breaking mine too. I love you more than anything,
Please forgive me,
Taylor.
By the time I’d finished reading the letter, the words were all a blur. I loved him so much, why had I been so stupid? I thought of him, sitting on the plane, halfway to LA and my heart felt like it had been smashed into a million pieces. “Oh Taylor! What have I done?’ I sat on the doorstep and cried for a full ten minutes before an elderly neighbour came out and saw me. She took me into her house and told me to tell her what was wrong. I didn’t know her very well but I ended up telling her the whole story,
right from when I first met Tay. She was really understanding and told me that Taylor would be back for me, she knew it for sure. She told me Taylor and her were really close and he’d been over that morning to say good bye and had told her about me. She said he was very upset. We talked for a long time and she assured me Taylor would never forget me and that he loved me a lot. As I was leaving, she told me to check the envelope Taylor’s letter was in. I did and inside was a gold chain with a small gold heart on it.
Chapter 5 - Together Forever.
Inscribed in one side was ‘Together Forever’ and on the other was ‘I love you, Taylor’. Mrs Halway (the neighbour) helped me do it up around my neck, as I was so upset to do it myself. I was crying again and could barely manage a thank you. She hugged me. “Shhhh dear. It’s ok! You’ll see, it will all work out and all this will seem so stupid. Shhhhhh.” Suddenly I remembered Taylor left a message on my machine. I had to get home. I thanked Mrs Halway and rode as fast as I could all the way home. I made it inside and pushed the button on the machine. “Hello? This is Carol. I just wanted to let you know....” “Damn!” I pushed fast forward. “Rob, this is Max...” “Ugh!’ I hit fast forward again. There were only three messages; it had to be the last one. “Hello? Is anyone there?’ A pause. I held my breath. “Is anyone there? It’s Jeff, I was just wondering if....’ I sank to the floor. I had missed him again. Jeff’s message was still going. “I hate you, you stupid machine!” I was so angry I ripped the machine off the wall and hurled it at the floor. I ran to my room and cried. Mom came home and wanted to know why the answering machine was in a thousand pieces. I told her the bogeyman had done it and to go away and leave me alone. She knew I was upset so she didn’t tell me off, I just had to buy a new machine. I stayed in my room all night and mom had to bring my dinner up for me. Every time I heard the phone ring I sat up, hoping it was Taylor. It never was.
Chapter 6 - I Will Come To You.
*Taylor on the plane*
Oh god, I miss her so much already! I just wish I had a chance to say good bye properly. I know it must have been hard for her, but why can’t she see it was just as hard for me? I didn’t want to leave her; I need her too much. And why won’t everyone just leave me alone? “We’re only trying to make you feel better.’ Yeah right! Nothing except Peta could possibly make me feel better. I miss her so much. Peta, if you’re listening, I love you forever. A tear escaped and rolled down his cheek but he was too upset to even brush it away.
*Peta*
Taylor did ring, the next morning, but I was out and I missed it. He couldn’t even leave a message on our machine. (Thanks to me, we didn’t have one) I desperately wanted to speak to him but didn’t know where to contact him. I tried Walker’s mobile but it was never turned on and I even tried Mercury Records Headquarters but they didn’t give out that kind of information. I tried all their friends, family and everyone I could think of but no one could give me any information. I was feeling totally hopeless when I heard something on the radio that caught my attention. I turned it up to hear Rick Dee say, “...a new teenage band we think are gonna make it big sometime in the near future. They go by the name of “Hanson’, which coincidentally is their last name, and they’re three bros from downtown Tulsa Oklahoma. Apparently they’re pretty big “a cappella’ wise in their hometown and are now trying to hit it in the big time. We wish them the best of luck with their new album, ‘Middle of Nowhere’ and here is one track off it. Give it up for Hanson!’ They started to play a song I vaguely recognised. As soon as Taylor started singing I knew what it was. They had remodelled it a bit but it was still my song. ‘...to guide you and no one to walk beside you, I will come to you, oh I will come to you...when the night is dark and stormy, you won’t have to reach out for me, I will come to you, oh I will come to you...’ I cried the whole way through the song; it was as if they were playing it just for me. ‘..oh I will come to yoooooooouuuuuuuuuu.’ The song finished. “Oh Taylor! I miss you so much!’ I sobbed.
Chapter 7 - Taylor’s Heartache.
I was just about to turn my radio off when Rick said, “Now, that was ‘I Will Come to You’ by Hanson, great song hey? Well, apparently, it is dedicated to, (sorry ladies!) a girl called Peta who is a close friend of Taylor, the middle Hanson. Well if she gets a song like that dedicated to her I’d say they are a bit more than friends wouldn’t you? Ha ha! Anyway, it seems Taylor and Peta are apart at the moment and Taylor is missing her heaps, ahhhhh! He gave me this message to pass on, so Peta, I hope you’re listening! Taylor says he is sorry and misses you so much, he hopes you can forgive him. He says he wants to speak to you ASAP, so if you are there, stand by the phone for a call from him. Well there you go folks! An aspiring pop group and a broken relationship all rolled into one! Taylor, we were glad to help, hope everything turns out ok and we wish Hanson the best of luck. We reckon they’re gonna be big! Rick Dees and the weekly top forty returns soon!’ I was sobbing uncontrollably. I managed to make it to the phone in the hall and I sat by it all day. Finally it rang. I had to compose myself. I picked it up. “Hello?’ “Peta? Is that you?’ It was Taylor. “Yes.’ “Oh my god, I miss you so much, I can’t believe I’m actually talking to you!’ “Me neither.’ I wasn’t trying to sound cold but Taylor picked it up. “Oh god, I am so sorry! I know I hurt you and I understand if you never want to see me again, but please, please know that I don’t want that at all! Peta? I love you, you know that don’t you?’ “Why weren’t you at the park?’ I choked out. I was trying my hardest not to cry but it was getting to be impossible. “We had to meet Christopher to go over some last minute details. I tried to get out of it, I really did! And I tried to reach you but you’d already left. I’m so sorry! I know I’ll never be able to make up for it, or that I left you but I am coming back, you know that.’ “Yes.” “Why are you acting like this? Don’t you believe me?’ “I... do… b.b.believe you, it’s j.j.just....” “Hey, don’t cry! It’s all right. I wish I were with you! Please… Peta, did you get the note?”
Chapter 8- I’ll make it up to you.
“Yes, thank you, I love the necklace, it means a lot to me.” “Did you hear on the radio too?’ That broke me. I started to cry. “Oh Taylor, I miss you so much! I’m sorry I acted like a bitch, I hate myself for it! We never even got to say good bye! I miss you so much!” I think he must have been crying too. “I miss you too! God I wish I was there with you! Can you ever forgive me?” “Yes! Of course! Can you ever forgive me?’ “What for?” “For acting like a total bitch! I was so mean to you!” “Hey, it was my fault! But if it means that much to you, I forgive you for acting like a bitch!” he forced out laugh. I tried to laugh too but it wouldn’t come out. “So, can you come?” he asked me. “Huh?” “Come over here? Oh, didn’t you get my message?” “No, it got wiped. I, um, kinda got upset and broke the machine after that.’ He laughed. “So that’s why I couldn’t leave a message this morning!’ “Yeah… ’ “Well, um, I left a message to ask you if you could come over to LA next week, we’d pay your airfares and everything, you just have to ask your parents. It’s kind of a “please forgive me’ type thing.” He conceded. “Tay! You don’t have to do that! I forgive you!’ He was silent for a moment. “Don’t you want to see me?” “What? Of course I want to see you; I couldn’t want anything more! I don’t think I could live another day without you!” “Oh, you just sounded as though the thought didn’t exactly thrill you that’s all.’ “Tay, do you really think I’d turn down an opportunity to see you? After not even saying good bye, I NEED to see you or I’ll die! It’s like you took a part of me with you when you left, I miss you so much!” I started to sob again. “Hey babe, Shhhhhh! It’s ok! I have to go now, I’m really sorry for hurting you so bad, I just hope you can come next week. I need to see you.” “I love you Taylor! I promise we’ll be together next week, even if mom and dad don’t let me! I’ll hitch hike if I have to!” “I love you Peta, but I have to go.” “Don’t go! Please!” “I have to, I’ll see..” He never got to finish the sentence as the phone cut out.
Chapter 9- Stuck in the ‘Middle of Nowhere’.
I held onto the phone and cried for a full ten minutes until mom came home and found me. I asked her if I could go and she had no hesitation in saying yes. Her only problem was Diana and Walker paying for it. The next few days were like hell, I wasn’t able to contact Taylor and he only rang me once, for five minutes to see if I could come. He said he was really busy. It upset me a bit but I knew I’d be seeing him in a few days. I was to leave on the Friday of the next week and the Wednesday before; mom came home for lunch, bringing an express post parcel. It was addressed to me. “Who’s it from?’ I asked. It wasn’t my birthday and I hadn’t sent away for anything. “Don’t know, open it. Oh, we’re going out for tea tonight, are you coming?’ “Whatever.’ I barely heard what she said; I was too intrigued with my parcel. I took into my room. I turned it over and over in my hands, trying to find a return address but the only one I could find was “Los Angeles Mail Centre.’ “I know heaps of people in LA, it could be from anyone!” Finally, curiosity got the better of me and I ripped it open. Inside was a CD in a clear cover. “What the...? Oh, it’s probably a chain letter!’ I grumbled. I turned the package inside out looking for a note but couldn’t find one anywhere. “Damn this!” I whacked the CD into my stereo. It went for about twenty minutes and contained five songs; ‘Thinking of You’ ‘MMMBop’ ‘Weird’ ‘Speechless’ and ‘Where’s the Love’. It was a copy of some of the songs Taylor, Ike and Zac were recording for “Middle of Nowhere.’ I had heard all of them before but they had obviously been reworked and sounded heaps better. That night, I played the CD over and over again, I didn’t go out for tea, I told mom and dad I was sick. I don’t think they believed me but were sick of me so didn’t argue. Finally, Friday arrived and mom and dad took me to the airport to catch a 7:45 plane to Los Angeles International Airport. Just before we left, Tay called me to tell me that they would be there to pick me up before they had to be at a mall appearance that afternoon. The plane trip was as boring as ever and I was so restless, I could barely sit still the whole way. The plane had barely touched the ground and I was already out of my seat and ready to jump off.
Chapter 10 - Why does it have to be this way?
I flew out of the corridor and into the terminal as fast as I could, but when I actually got into the terminal, I felt as though I had hit a brick wall. I skidded to a stop. He hadn’t noticed me yet, he had his back to me and but as much as I wanted to rush up to him and never let go, I couldn’t. I froze, for some reason I couldn’t move. I just couldn’t walk towards him. Zac spotted me and hit Tay. Tay turned around and smiled. When I didn’t smile back, a sad and almost hurt look clouded his face.
*Taylor*
Huh? Why isn’t she happy to see me? What’s wrong? He started walking towards me. “Peta...?’ A tear slipped down his cheek.
*Peta*
As much as I wanted to run to him, throw my arms around him and bawl my eyes out, I couldn’t. I stood rooted to the spot. I noticed Ike and Zac give each other funny looks. Move! I willed my feet. But they wouldn’t. “Peta? God I missed you so much!...What’s wrong?’
*Taylor*
I missed her so much, but she can’t even hug me? What is wrong? Why is she acting like this? Why does it always have to be like this?
*Peta*
“I.I..don’t know.’ “Aren’t you happy to see me?’ “Yeah, I mean of course I am, I just, oh I don’t know.’ I started to cry. Taylor came and hugged me but for some reason I didn’t return it. “Peta? What is wrong?!’ he dropped his hands to his side and stared at me. “Why are you acting like I’m from another planet? What do I have to do to make you see what you mean to me?” I couldn’t answer. Tay started to get upset. “Why did you even bother coming here if you were going to do this? Do you want me to feel even worse than I already do? What?! Peta, please?!” Again I couldn’t answer.
Chapter 11 - Gone too far.
“Fine! You can just catch the next plane back home as far as I’m concerned! I love you so much, but you just can’t see that! I don’t know what else to do!”
*Taylor*
I guess now I’m the one who knows how it feels to have your heart broken.
*Peta*
He turned and started walking away. I broke out of my trance and started chasing him. “Taylor! I’m sorry! I really am! Taylor!” I managed to catch hold of his arm but he shook me off and kept walking, without even looking back.
I sank to the floor and bawled my eyes out. I had done it again! I had acted like a total bitch and hurt Taylor. And this time it didn’t look like he was about to forgive me. I hated myself so bad I wanted to throw myself through a window. I sat crying until Ike came and pulled me up. He tried to console me.
Zac, he said, was off trying to find Tay. He told me Tay had been really sad all week and the only thing that kept him from getting really depressed was the thought of seeing me. He said I must have had a good reason to act like I did, but I was pretty mean. I meant everything to Tay. I told him I had no idea why I acted like I did, all I wanted was Tay back, I loved him. I told him I knew I had really blown it this time.
“I wanted to be angry with Tay for leaving, I knew I shouldn’t be, but I wanted to. I don’t know why, I just did. But really, all I wanted was him back! I miss him soooo much! Ooooooh! What’s wrong with me? Why did I do it again! Tay doesn’t need me. He needs someone better! I love him so much, but I hurt him so bad! Why does he even bother?!” I cried even louder. (People around started giving me dirty looks). Ike hugged me and tried to get me to calm down.
Chapter 12.- True love and Forgiveness.
I heard my name. “Peta?” It didn’t sound like Ike. I looked up. Tay was standing beside me with tear streaks all down his face. “Are you ok?” he asked, trying not to cry. I couldn’t answer him; I just stood up and threw my arms around him. We held each other for a long time. “I forgive you.’ He whispered into my ear.
*Taylor*
I love you Peta, and I know we’ll always be together, forever.
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