Author's Notes ^_^ (gyaa, long again -_-):
Category: Shounenai with angst and het (I know, het is evil, -_-
but the shounenai wins! ^_^v).
This fic is a sort of prequel to "Tegami." It and other fics in
the same series can be found at my web site:
http://touyaxyukito.com
I based this fic off of episode 27 of the anime. But if you
haven't seen it, I think I explain enough in the fic for you to be
okay. Basically the same thing happens in the manga (the first chapter
of tankoubon 4).
Just a note about the title. "Kimi ga ita SHIIN" is Touya's
single. I thought this fic followed it very well. While not a
songfic, it couldn't hurt to listen to it while reading, or reading the
lyrics before or after. The lyrics as well as an English translation
can be found at Rabi-san's CCS site:
http://oldcrows.net/~rabi/CCS/cd/touya01.html
This may be confusing, so I'll explain it here. Everything that
happens in the present is written from Touya's point of view. All the
flashbacks are written in third person.
Many thanks to Zoisite no Miko-chan for putting up with beta
reading this, and my other fanfics. Doumo arigatou gozaimashita!
{{{ZnM-chan}}}
C&C welcome and appreciated. I can be reached at
andrea.doolan@utoronto.ca.
Cardcaptor Sakura and its characters are copyright CLAMP,
Kodansha, and NHK. CLAMP is god.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kimi ga ita SHIIN
(The Scene With You In It)
By: Andrea Doolan
Rated: G
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh god. She's here. Oh god. What am I going to do? To say
that her reappearance surprised me would be an understatement. It all
but gave me a heart attack.
Kaho...
After all these years... How long has it been now? Two? No,
more like two and a half years... To come back now...and for what?
Why *now*? Though I think I can guess the answer...
She looked so happy, smiling like she did. While I just stood
there like a total idiot. I didn't even say anything. And
Sakura...she just wouldn't stop asking me if I knew "Mizuki-sensei." I
had called her that once, too.
Now that she's back, I can remember her words with perfect
clarity. The night we broke up, she said to me, "When we meet again,
you'll have someone you care about. And I'll have someone, too. We'll
be good friends."
Friends?! Dear god, after what she did to me? What does she
expect? That I'll just go up and say, "Hey, Kaho! How's it going? I
know you broke my heart and all when I was fifteen, but let's forget
all that! I'm glad we can just be friends!" God...
Though I can't deny that at least part of what she said is true.
I do have someone, someone I am able to call a close friend and perhaps
more. Admitting to myself that I love Yuki was hard enough. Telling
him...I don't think I'll ever be able to do that.
Ano yatsu. She's here because of *her*. What Sakura has gotten
herself into, I'm not quite sure. It has something to do with that odd
nuigurumi of hers. And that Li kid (he annoys the hell out of me). I
know that Kaho possesses some sort of odd power...like I do. However
she can help Sakura, I'll be grateful. I don't think I'll be able to
protect her from what is to come.
Today's meeting. It brought back so many memories. Memories I
thought I had gotten rid of, but are coming back with a vengeance. That
fateful night...
~*~*~*~*~ Flashback ~*~*~*~*~
*SLAM*
Touya slammed the door to his room with a powerful shove. He
didn't want to talk to anyone. He just wanted to be alone. He wasn't
going to cry. He hadn't cried since he was ten years old...since his
mother had passed away. Nevertheless, tears were streaming down his
face, and he couldn't stop them.
Their conversation kept resonating through his mind...
"You're going overseas!? When?"
"Tomorrow."
How could she do this to him? Didn't she love him? As much as
he didn't want to at the moment, he loved her. Didn't their love mean
anything? If it did, she wouldn't be going away. She wouldn't be
leaving him here with a broken heart. It was almost like it was a game
to her.
"We had our fun..."
What the hell was that supposed to mean? And her words of
encouragement did absolutely nothing for him.
"When we meet again, you'll have someone you care about. And
I'll have someone, too."
Touya shook his head in disgust. He could *never* love after
Kaho. She had been the one true love of his life, the person he was
meant for. It was like she had known this all along, known that they
were going to break up. If this was the case, then why? Why did they
bother going out at all?
At that moment, a knock came at his door.
"Touya-kun, can I talk to you?"
It was his father. He still didn't want to talk to anyone. "Go
away!"
"Touya-kun, whatever it is, I'm sure I can help."
"GO AWAY!"
The knob to his door slowly turned, and Fujitaka stepped in
cautiously. He saw his son sprawled on his bed, head turned towards
the wall, sobbing.
"Touya-kun..."
"I don't want to talk about it!"
Fujitaka sat down on Touya's bed, and started stroking his son's
hair. "You'll feel better if you do."
Touya didn't turn around. "You wouldn't understand."
Fujitaka gave a small smile. "You might be surprised."
Touya sighed. There really was no use getting mad at his father.
He had been there for every up and down in his life. Maybe it wouldn’t
hurt to tell him.
Still facing the wall, he said, "Kaho and I broke up."
A look of surprise came over Fujitaka's face. "Do you want to
tell me what happened?" Things seemed to be going so well between
them, too.
"That's just it, nothing. She's going overseas. *Tomorrow.*"
"Ahh..." said Fujitaka, with understanding.
Touya now turned around on the bed to face his father.
"Tousan... Why is she doing this? She said she didn't tell me
eariler, because it would worry me. Well, how does she think I feel
*now*?"
Fujitaka could see the anger in Touya's eyes. He knew he would
have to choose his words carefully. "I think because she truly thought
this would be the best way. After a year, she knew you would take the
news really hard. She wanted your last days together to be happy, not
sad."
Touya contemplated this information. It seemed to make sense.
"But it hurts so much. I wish we hadn't gone out at all..."
Fujitaka's expression became stern. "Don't say that. Do you
think I should regret marrying your mother, even though she died at
such at young age?"
Touya was speechless. Fujitaka's expression softened. "I didn't
think so. Touya-kun, you know the expression, 'It's better to have
loved and lost, then to never have loved at all?'" Touya nodded.
"It's true. Look at what would have happened if I hadn't married
Nadesiko-san. I would have lost many happy times, as well as not
having two wonderful children." He smiled.
"I guess so," said Touya.
"You had many happy times with Mizuki-san, didn't you?"
"Yeah."
"Can you really say you regret that?"
Touya sighed. "No..."
"Good. It's those times that are important. You should never
regret anything that brings you so much joy."
"But...it still hurts."
His father smiled. "Of course it does. And it probably will for
a long time. However, after some time, the happy moments take over
from the pain. And instead of feeling sad, you'll feel glad for having
that person in your life, for however brief a time it may have been."
It was Touya's turn to smile. "Is that how you feel about
kaasan?"
Fujitaka nodded. "Un."
"Arigato-, tousan."
Fujitaka pulled his son into a strong embrace. He knew his son
had much healing ahead of him, but he also knew that he would be okay in
the long run.
~*~*~*~*~ End Flashback ~*~*~*~*~
I was depressed for a long time after that. Tousan helped me,
though, and eventually I got through it. But I never expected to see
her again.
I really didn't think I'd ever love anyone as much as Kaho,
despite what tousan kept telling me. Never in a million years did I
think I'd meet anyone like Yuki...
~*~*~*~*~ Flashback ~*~*~*~*~
"Attention class!" called the teacher from the front of the room.
"We have a new transfer student joining us."
Touya looked up idly from one of his textbooks. This was really
nothing new. Transfer students almost always came at the beginning of
each term. But what he saw absolutely stunned him.
"His name is Tukisiro Yukito-san. Please try to acquaint him
with the school."
Touya sat there, mouth agape, and eyes wide. He just couldn't
keep his eyes off the new boy. Here, at the front of the room, stood a
smiling grey-haired angel. To Touya, he seemed to glow.
"Tukisiro-san, will you please take a seat behind Kinomoto-san?
It's the only free seat in the classroom."
"Hai, sensei."
'Oh god, what a voice!' thought Touya. And he was coming to sit
behind him? Touya didn't know if he could take it.
"Hajimemashite!" said the grey-haired boy to Touya, as he stuck
out his right hand.
Touya kept just staring for a moment before realising he was
being rude. He took the offered hand. "Kochira koso."
At that moment, a spark seemed to travel through their joined
hands. Both boys just stared for a moment before Yukito took his seat.
They both smiled. After the initial meeting, friendship seemed to come
easily between them. Both felt immediately comfortable in each other's
presence.
On that first day, Touya thought, "I think I'm in love."
~*~*~*~*~ End Flashback ~*~*~*~*~
It was really amazing. Now that I look back on it, I can't
believe I used to think I wouldn't love anyone but Kaho. Yuki changed
all that. And if I was to hazard a guess, I might say I love him even
more.
~*~*~*~*~
It's been one day since the meeting. I get home around midnight.
I'm exhausted from my part-time job, and all I can think about is
sleep. Working at a bar can really tire a person out.
As soon as I close my door, I hear a knock.
"Hai?"
Tousan comes in with a worried expression on his face.
"Touya-kun, how are you feeling?"
"E?" I ask, surprised.
"I know Mizuki-san is back."
My expression becomes downcast. "Ee. I met her last night."
"And how are you?"
I shrug. "Not too bad, really."
"Are you going to talk to her?"
I look up at this. "I'm not sure."
"I think it would be best."
"Tousan, it's been over two years. I'm over her. Her coming
back just...surprised me."
Tousan walks over to me. "I know. But I still think you should
talk to her. You owe her that much."
"I...I don't know if I can."
"Touya-kun, you need to be able to bridge the gap between a
relationship and friendship. This will be the first step."
I nod. I know what he's saying, and it makes sense. If nothing
else, I have to tell her that her prophecy came true. I do have
someone else I care a lot about.
~*~*~*~*~
It's another beautiful day. I only had to work a few hours at
the aquarium today, so I have a little free time before meeting Yuki.
Not surprisingly, I end up at Tsukemine Jinja.
As I walk onto the jinja grounds, nostalgia sweeps over me. I
almost feel like it's three years ago, and I'm coming to pick Kaho up
for a date. I shake my head at that. Things have changed too much.
"To-ya."
I spin around. God, she always manages to surprise me.
"I wasn't sure if you'd come."
I don't know what to say to that. I almost didn't come, but I'm
here. She motions for us to sit on a bench underneath one of the grand
trees.
After we sit down, she smiles at me. "You're looking very good."
I nod in response. "It's been a long time, hasn't it?" I nod again.
"To-ya," she says, looking sad for a moment, "do you hate me?"
I look at her, shocked. "No," I say eventually, "I could never
hate you."
I huge grin appears on her face. "Yokatta ne! I was afraid you
might, but I didn't think I was wrong about us becoming good friends."
"I'm not sure why I'm here," I say.
She looks at me. "Because at one time we shared a deep love for
each other. Something like that just doesn't go away."
I feel a little stunned. "But now that former love has become
the love one feels for a good friend," she continued. "Deshou?"
I nod again. "Why did you come back?"
"I think you know why," she responds, now looking down. "To-ya,
I promise to do everything in my power to help her. I'd never let her
get hurt."
"Arigato-."
"And To-ya...I'm sorry for causing you so much pain before.
However," she says, now smiling up at me wildly, "my other prophecy
came true, too, didn't it?"
I'm stunned again. Of course she already knew. "Aa. What about
you?"
She's still smiling, and flashes me the "v" sign. "I met someone
in England."
I raise one of my eyebrows. "Another one of your students, no
doubt," I say jokingly.
"Maybe," is her only response. But I can tell from her eyes that
I've hit the mark.
"Speaking of which," she says with more of that evil look in her
eyes, "I believe Tukisiro-kun is waiting, isn't he?"
I can't help but blush. She escorts me to the front gate, but
before I leave, she leans in to whisper something in my ear.
"Don't wait too long to tell him, okay?"
I look down at her, completely taken aback. I don't think she'll
ever stop surprising me. But I smile in spite of myself. "Aa."
A few minutes later, I walk down the fairly busy street lost in
my thoughts. I look up when I hear "Oi! To-ya!" and see an arm waving
from down the street. Yuki. After all I've been through, I have a lot
to thank Kaho for. After all, the pain she caused me brought so much
more love and joy into my life.
Someday I'll work up the courage to tell you, Yuki. Someday...
~*~*~*~*~
Completed: 2000 nen 7 gatsu 24 nichi
Music I was listening to: Various Sailormoon/Fushigi Yuugi/Marmalade
Boy songs
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