CAT RULES...

1.Remember that you are a creature of beauty and intelligence. If the computer fails to cooperate, sigh and turn your head away ever so slowly. Maintain your dignity at all costs.
2.Flip your tail at the computer's screen if it fails to acknowledge your regal presence adequately, then naw its electrical cord.
3.Never sit on top of the monitor. You may fall off. But do make sure to drop as much cat litter into its vents as possible.
4.Never eat shrink wrap. It's too hard to digest. Try disk labels instead.
5.Never stick your nose inside a printer that goes "clack-clack", especially, when it's going clack-clack.
6.Walk over the keyboard only when you have cat litter between your toes.
7.When spitting up fur balls, always do so behind the computer, where no one will ever find them!
8.If the computer gives you a hard time, tear its plastic face off (you know, the one that lists the model number). Bat it around on the floor. Then eat it.
9.While dropping a dead mammal on the keyboard when someone is typing rarely fails to illicite some type of response, most humans will misinterpret the action. They will think you are offering them a token of affection when what you are actually trying to tell them is that they should stop fooling around with the computer and go hunt for some small rodents before they and their family starve.
10.Never underestimate the power of stepping on someone when she is trying to use the stupid computer. Should she try to remove you from her lap, grab a lampshade with one paw, flare your back feet in her face, and mew your heart out. Eventually, she will return you to her lap. She will apologize, pet you, and feel guilty for having taken you from your mother at such an early age.
11.Don't let a human con you into thinking it's okay to stroke you with one hand while typing on the computer with the other. You want to be stroked with both hands! You are a direct descendant of the Egyptian cat goddess Baset and deserve no less. Should the human persist in giving you only half her attention, rise up on your hind legs and position yourself so that your body obstructs her reach of the keyboard. Flap your tail in her face to make sure that she devotes her full attention to you. If all else fails, walk on the keyboard.