Cannon in D  

The Last Will and Testament of an Extremely Distinguished Dog

EUGENE O'NEILL

"I, because the burden of my years and infirmities is heavy upon me, and I realize the end of my life is near, do hereby bury my last will and testament in the mind of my master (and mistress). They will not know it is there until after I am dead, then, remembering me in their loneliness, will suddenly remember it as a memorial to me.


I have little in the way of material things to leave. Dogs are wiser than men. They do not set great store upon things. They do not waste their days hoarding property. They do not ruin their sleep worrying about how to keep the objects they have, and to obtain the objects they have not. There is nothing of value I have to bequeath except my love and my faith. These I leave to all those who have loved me, to my master and mistress who I know will mourn me most.


Perhaps it is vain of me to boast when I am so near death, which returns all vanities to dust, but I have always been an extremely lovable dog.


I ask my master and mistress to remember me always, but not to grieve for me for too long. In my life I have tried to be a comfort to them in time of sorrow, and a reason for added joy in their happiness. It is painful for me to think that even in death I should cause them pain. Let them remember that while no dog has ever had a happier life (and I owe this to their love and care for me), now that I have grown deaf and lame, my pride has sunk to a sick, bewildered humiliation. I feel life is taunting me with having over lingered my welcome. It is time I said goodbye before I become too sick a burden on myself and those who love me. Dogs do not fear death as men do. We accept it as part of life, not as something alien and terrible which destroys life. What may come after death, who knows? I would like to believe that there is a paradise where one is always young and full-bladdered, where all the day one dillies and dallies with an amorous multitude, where each blissful hour is mealtime; where in long evenings there are a million fireplaces and one curls oneself up and nods and dreams, remembering the old brave days on earth, and the love of one's master and mistress.


One last request I make. I have heard my mistress say "We must never get another dog. I love him so much I could never have another one." Now I would ask her, for love of me, to have another. It would be a poor tribute to my memory never to have a dog again. What I would like to feel is that, having once had me in the family, now they cannot live without a dog. I have never had a narrow jealous spirit . . . .


He can hardly be as well bred or as well mannered or as distinguished and handsome as I was in my prime. My master and mistress must not ask the impossible. But he will do his best, I am sure, and even his inevitable defects will help by comparison to keep my memory green. He may prove himself quite worthy of comparison, in some respects, and for all his faults, I hereby wish him the happiness I know will be his in my old home.


One last word of farewell, dear master and mistress, whenever you visit my grave, say to yourselves with regret but also with happiness in your hearts at the remembrance of my long happy life with you: 'Here lies one who loved us and whom we loved.' No matter how deep my sleep I shall hear you, and not all the power of death can keep my spirit from wagging a grateful tail."

ETHYL: Tribute To A Four Legged Friend
The Last Will and Testament of an
Extremely Distinguished Dog


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Counter re-set July 22, 1999.

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