No waving to snipers.
No equipping seal teams with fluorescent uniforms.
No sending letter bombs via e-mail.
No attempting to strike conversations with statues.
No making deaf people listen to the radio.
No eating sushi while feeding fish.
No putting timers in random places.
No burning ants with a magnifying glass while it’s snowing.
No putting ocean mines in your backyard.
No high diving in your bath tub.
No doing long division on napkins.
No fishing in a fish tank.
No using spider web as tape.
No setting clocks to go off at random times.
No putting an oasis in your backyard.
No watching Disney movies. (Just don’t do it ;-)
No running on ice cubes.
No parachuting out of a tree.
No hanging posters on windows.
No swimming without water.
No watching TV when the powers out.
No using candles as flash lights.
No making apple sauce from pears.
No pouring gasoline on fire ants.
No using time bombs as timers.
No randomly looking at the ground.
No putting nuclear warheads in superballs.
No attempting to flag down planes with pieces of paper.
No using plastic army men to fight wars.
No claiming small islands in the name of Spain.
No claiming pie isn’t good. Every one likes pie:)
No cross country skiing in your front yard.
No putting "detour" signs in random places.
No attempting to clone yourself using a blender and two cups of butter.
No swimming in quicksand.
No ice skating on sand.
No negotiating terrorist demands while watching CNN.
No attempting to contact aliens by wrapping yourself in tin foil.

© 1997-99 Nick Boice
My god. I've done some of these...