Introduction: As noted on the UnFAQ page, Bruno and Mack are a brace of Enforcers on retainer to the Unnamed List. While Molly discovered them, the poor creatures find themselves used, willy-nilly, by the List at large. Their primary function, of course, is to provide incentive to recalcitrant slash writers. April, on taking her own sweet time in completing "Predatory Desires," received their first visit. Then Fenris sicced 'em on Molly and Molly returned the favor and...  Any way, starting with the aftermath of their visit to April's, we have here, on-going...

Overheard at April's...  by Leslie GS

"Well, that's a friggin' relief."

Or at least that's what his companion understood him to say through the exaggerated fangs protruding from beneath his upper lip.

He continued, "I mean, if we had had to... *do* somethin', the rest of them mighta hurt us. Do somethin' permanent-like, I mean."

His partner grunted his agreement.

"They mighta been okay with, I dunno, a couple kneecaps, y'know, like that. But if we had come near the typing fingers..."

Shuddering, the listener took to the air, fleeing the thought as well as the bushes under April's window. His companion followed, still babbling as best he could, being dentally-challenged.

"I mean, criminy, junior-fuckin'-Lacroix, Nick deBrabant, is tough enough to take on, and I don't like thinkin' about doin' his old man without maybe a cohort or two of back-up. And *they* coulda been pretty damned pissed if... you know."

His partner flew faster, away, away, so that he had to call after him.

"But by all that's UnHoly, if we had had to take that woman out *before* she'd finished "Predatory Desires," we coulda had the entire UF List on our asses! Without HunyGlide™!" he shrieked, terrifying himself with his own worst nightmares.

There are things even Bruno and Mack, Enforcers Extraordinaire, fear to face.

An UFfer Birthday! ===H===  by Molly Schneider

"Are you sure this is the right address?"

"Are you calling me an idiot?" Bruno loomed menacingly over Mack, eyes glowing... well, orange, really, since he wasn't all that mad. Still, he couldn't let insubordination like that go unremarked.

"No, of course I ain't." Mack was miserable. The tartar had built up on his fangs again and they were stuck half-extended, causing a constant seepage of drool that was ruining his night...and his suit. "What are the instructions again?"

"Look," said Bruno with exaggerated patience. "Brick. Twine. Note. Honey sticks. It's simple."

"Oh, yeah... What's the note say again?"

Squinting, his fellow Enforcer read slowly from the paper. "'Happy birthday, La Fenris'--fenris? ain't that a name for a wolf or something?--anyway: 'Write another story soon or you won't have another one. Enjoy the honey sticks.'"

"Won't have another birthday? Are you sure we're not supposed to, you know, *take care* of her?"

"Not yet. She's got a year to come up with something." A fiendish grin distorted his already warped face. "But then, she's ours!"

"A year. Oh, that's good." He really didn't feel his aching fangs were up to much ripping and tearing soon.

"What the hell kind of Enforcer are you, anyway? Come on, give me the brick--"

CRASH!

Re: An UFfer Birthday! ===H===  by Fenris
(Aka: Dances With Legbreakers)

...meanwhile, on the other side of the window...

"Lor, is this Chinese food any good?" Jon called into the living room from the adjoining kitchen.

"What Chinese food?"

"The Chinese food in the carton with your name on it."

"Well, I don't remember buying it, that should tell you something."

"Yech. Hey, come in here and smell this hamburger. Tell me if you think it's still OK."

Fenris, comfortably ensconced on the sofa and recovering from a pleasant birthday-dinner-induced sugar and caffeine buzz, snoozing little black dog in lap and TV remote in hand, was disinclined to budge--certainly not to make a special trip just to smell some suspect ground beef.

She opened her mouth to inform Jon of this, when one of the living room windows exploded inward in a spray of glass and wood. A heavy object thumped to the carpet a few feet away from her. Tybalt shot straight up into the air, barking hysterically, using her stomach as a launching pad and driving his little hind feet in with surprising vehemence as he did. He hit the ground running and raced to the window, never once pausing his continuous machine-gun yammer.

"TYB! SHUT UP!!!!!"

The schipperke ignored her and danced under the window, still barking non-stop as she cautiously picked up the large object. It was a brick. Twine was wrapped around it, and stuck under the twine was a folded-up piece of cream colored paper and a small bundle of what looked like slender red and gold plastic straws. Looking out the window, she saw two hulking figures standing out in the road, menacing and shadowy. It looked like they were arguing.

She reached down and pulled the note and the sticks from under the rough twine. Looking at the little sticks, she groaned and unfolded the piece of paper. As she read it, she yelled to Jon and J.R, who were upstairs calling the police and loading rifles,

"Never mind, guys, they're fictional. I'll take care of it."

Having pulled the plug on the home militia, she headed out to the front porch to see if there were any more birthday surprises pending. There was nothing new on the porch, and she walked to the edge of the porch steps and peered at the two menacing figures in the road, who still seemed to be arguing about something. One of them turned his head and as he did, the light from a streetlamp gleamed off his extended and yellowing oversized fangs. Recognition and indignation hit simultaneously, and instantly conquered common sense. She drew in a deep breath and bellowed at the lurking figures in a tone of voice usually reserved for Tybalt at his worst moments.

"MACK!!!!"

"Oh, shit," Bruno muttered, shooting a baleful look at his partner. "Damn it, Mack, can't you go whammy a dentist and take care of those frigging teeth?"

"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE IN VIRGINIA, YOU SON OF A BITCH!! And don't think for one *SECOND* I don't know that's *you* with him, BRUNO!"

"I *told* you we should leave, but no..." grumbled Mack, earning a murderous look from his partner.

Bruno snarled, "Don't sweat it, Mack. Hey, we're still Enforcers, right? That's still a mortal, writer or not. We're in charge here, remember that."

"Yeah... I guess." Mack didn't sound very sure.

Bruno prepared to try and salvage the deteriorating situation. He hated threatening writers, mainly because if they had half a brain they would realize that, terrifying as an angry Enforcer was, it didn't mean squat when a writer had the power to retaliate by penning them into truly horrible situations... And you couldn't simply suck one dry to keep her from writing, that just guaranteed the others would descend on you like a flock of harpies. Harpies with keyboards--and very fertile imaginations. He drew himself up to his full imposing height, crossed his arms and flared his eyes bloodred as the royally pissed-off UFer stormed up to him.

"Bruno!! You and Mack were supposed to go straight back to Virginia after you left Molly's and keep harassing April about finishing her story, not come here and chuck rocks through my fucking windows!!!"

Bruno glared down balefully at the white-haired virago, and snarled, "Hey! You sent us all the way to Arizona to lean on Molly, and when we got there she'd already posted her story. I don't like looking stupid. I figured the least we could do for her was offer her a freebie delivery."

"What? It's not *my* fault I couldn't reach you on the cell phone. Why can't you guys get some decent cellular service going?"

Just then Mack chimed in, inadvertently spraying his disgusted partner and the equally disgusted human with a fine mist of vampire saliva.

"Those roaming charges add up, you know. It's not like we're getting rich accepting assignments like these."

Fenris removed her now useless glasses, curled her lip at the spit-smudged lenses and shoved them into a jacket pocket. Then she squinted up at the two vampires.

"Well now, speaking of assignments... so, you accepted an assignment from Molly and decided to toss *my* contract right out the window, huh, boys? I am really disappointed in you." She narrowed her eyes. "All right, what did she promise you? A series of PWPs? Let me guess, you get to suck your way through a beauty pageant? A lost South American tribe worships you as gods and sacrifices a nubile young thing to you every night? Uncle is forced to run around in a dog collar and obey your every perverted whim?" She paused for a second and looked thoughtful, then shook her head and continued, "So, am I getting close?"

Mack winced, then blurted out, "No, it was *worse* than that! She didn't bribe us, she threatened us! You can't blame us for crumbling--she threatened to slash us with the Teletubbies if we didn't do this! She even wrote the first page and *showed* it to us." He shuddered, forgetting his irate partner and the furious human in the wake of that trauma.

Bruno rolled his eyes and decided to take control of the situation before all hope of intimidating this woman was gone. He fanged up, eyes flaring red, and reached out to grab a fistful of wool jacket in one hand, but it was too late.

"Oh, no," she hissed at him. "You don't get it, guys. Don't fuck with me, Bruno, I'll invent a post-apocalyptic hell story and bury you under the ruins of the Vatican for a few centuries. I'll have a covert government research agency catch you and run experiments on you that'll make the Mary Kay chemists blanch. I'll create an insane magician who turns you into gerbils--no, goldfish--no, SPONGES. THEN I'll slash you with the most nauseating children's icons I can find! Molly may have dibs on the Teletubbies, but trust me, I'll find worse."

Appalled, Mack looked like he was on the verge of flight. Conversely, a slow grin spread across Bruno's face and he leaned down until his nose was an inch away from the startled UFfer's face.

"But you have to *write* something in order to do all that to us, don't you, sweetheart? So I guess we're safe."

She gaped at him, speechless. Bruno smirked, drew himself up and dusted his hands off. "Well, honey, we're on our way. Hasta my onions."

They jumped into the air and were gone. Slowly, the stunned look turned into a glare, and she hissed after them,

"Don't consider yourselves too safe, boys. I feel a little motivation coming on... If you're not back in Virginia and on assignment by morning, you're going to be pulling a train with the Smurfs. Oh, yes."

She stormed back into the house, and yelled upstairs.

"Jim! Get off that computer, I need to use it. Now."

Get Smart; Or Take Orders the Rest of Your Eternity  by Molly Schneider
(follows Dances with Legbreakers)

Bruno waited, fuming, through the various clicks and computer-generated female voices until he finally heard the aggressive tones on the other end:

"Collect? You have the balls to call me collect?! What--vampires don't carry pocket change?"

"You owe us, after what that wolf-woman put us through!"

"Hmmph! I still don't see any good juicy slash with her name on it dropping to the list. What did she do, sic that pint-sized excuse for a dog on you?"

"She threatened to slash us--with *Smurfs*! And Mack don't feel all that well, and frankly, we're getting sick and tired of dealing with you writers."

"Oh, really? Then why, out of all the job offers you must have, do you keep accepting ours?"

She had him there. For one brief moment Bruno wondered just how hard it would be to take out LaCroix and steal his money... He shuddered. Since he was already pale, he turned a shade of green that hadn't been fashionable since 1973.

Molly took advantage of the sudden silence. "Look, forget Fenris for the time being; she's got six weeks to come up with a story for the Pillow Book. Take the night train to Tombstone--"

"Night train? What night train?"

"Geez, Bruno, what did you do in your mortal life? There's *always* a night train. Anyway, go to Tombstone and have Doc fix Mack's fang problem. Then get your butts back to Virginia and work on April; she's claiming 'writer's block' again. Got it?"

"...Yeah, OK. What about the Smurfs, though?"

"Remain open to new experiences, Bruno; it's the best advice you'll ever receive."

Click.

"So what did she say?" Mack whined.

"We're gonna get your fangs fixed, then it's back to Virginia."

"The Smurfs--what about the Smurfs?"

"Shut up, Mack."

Molly stared at the phone thoughtfully for a moment. Bruno hadn't answered her question, but in her guts she knew. She just knew.

Grave-robbers. No question about it.

Tombstone Intermission by  Leslie GS

Waiting in a dentist's office makes even a vampire nervous. Mack fidgeted in the excruciatingly uncomfortable chair, while Bruno flicked through a tattered "Good Housekeeping" magazine which had been issued when Ronnie Reagan was in office. He glowed with that oh, so irritating I-floss-every-day-don't-you-wish-you-did-too aura.

Attila the Hygienist, ensconced on her side of the admitting counter, peered at them from over the tops of her rhinestoned cats-eyes spectacles. The Enforcers weren't quite sure what species she was. Definitely not vampire, but human wasn't very high on their list either. She'd been here waiting for them, after they'd arranged a midnight visit with the Doc, the dentist Molly had directed them to go see. Neither of them had used his services before, Bruno because he was hyphenated* about caring for his teeth and had never had a problem. And Mack because, well, because oral hygiene was not his strong point. (Actually, it has not yet been discerned what Mack's strong point is.)

Their super-sensitive hearing was treated with the fat, thunderous rumble of a Harley Davidson hog. The chest vibrating burble shut off abruptly and shortly thereafter the front door to the office swung open and a man in sleek, head-to-toe leather strode in. His head swiveled to turn an insectoid stare at them, eyes concealed by deep black shades. Both Enforcers blinked, but were not, naturally, unduly alarmed. Then the biker whipped his glasses off, turning an intent stare onto Mack and his descended, yellow-encrusted fangs. He wasn't too scary-looking even then, really, kinda like Steve Martin with dark hair. Then his eyes lit up with an unholy fire and both vampires edged back in their seats.

"Fire 'em up, Gladys!" the Doc chortled gleefully. "We got us some tartar to sssscrrrape!"

The hygienist giggled, a horrible little girl giggle, and scampered into the back office. The ear piercing, tooth vibrating squeal of a dental drill soon followed. The Doc turned his gaze onto Mack and, quite frankly, leered. Licking his lips lasciviously, he murmured, "Let me go slip into something a little more comfortable, big guy. I'll be *right* back." With an impish wink at the horrified Mack, he oozed into the back office.

"I don't wanna do this, Bruno," Mack declared with a tremor in his voice, standing up as though to leave. His companion rose with him and shoved him roughly back into his seat.

"I don't care what you want, you wimp. If you'd *brush* like I told ya..! You *will* get those damned tusks of yours dealt with. We just *got* to be at the top of our form, here, and *soon*!"

"Mama said you were supposed to take care of me," Mack whimpered.

"Look," Bruno hissed, leaning down until his nose was a scant inch from his partner's, "it's this... or Teletubbies and Smurfs..." and his eyes widened with an imperfectly suppressed panic, "...or worse."

Mack cringed back, heedless of the chair from Hell's plastic structure digging into his spine. "What could be worse?" he whispered, saliva spraying past his unretractable fangs, misting his companion's cheeks with a fine sheen.

Bruno reared back, running his palms roughly down his dampened cheeks, temporarily pulling his eyes into the mournful, red-rimmed cast of a bloodhound.

"Dammit, Mack, I'm an Enforcer, not a psychic. *But*!" and here he dropped his hands and the haunted look of a man who has never before spent much time contemplating the future but now senses something ominous lurking just over the horizon molded his face into a mask of tragedy. He turned his uneasy gaze back to Mack. "But... that accursed Pillow Book is due to come out in May. I have a very, very bad feeling about this."

Mack tried to become one with the plastic of his chair. "You mean..?" he whispered.

"Yeah," Bruno gusted, shoulders slumping. "Molly, mistress of mischief and mayhem, as well as that grinning, honey-steeped sadist, Les... they're gonna use us, bro. And use us hard. If they don't start seeing those stories promised them... *soon*."

The Doc popped in through the door to the waiting room. He was still wearing his tight, sleek black leather pants, now topped by a pure white dentist's smock. "Next!" he chirped, eyes bright with anticipation.

Mack jumped up, and with a last wide-eyed stare at Bruno, meekly preceded the chuckling, hand-rubbing dentist into his office. Bruno felt a momentary pang of pity, but it didn't last long. The Doc had nothing on UFfers intent on obtaining their fix of Nick/Lacroix slash. He didn't even rate...

Bruno slumped back into his chair, Mack's terrified whimpering from the other room falling on deaf ears as he contemplated their future.

"Use us..." he mumbled to himself. "Hard. Smurfs... Teletubbies... without HunyGlide™..."

Bruno buried his face in his hands, trying hard not to hear the whine of the drill shrieking counterpoint to Mack's despairing moans and the Doc's fiendish snickers of delight.
~~~~~~~~~~~
The Doc appears courtesy of my favorite part of "Little Shop of Horrors."

(*hyphenated - I am unsure if this is Les-speak or vernacular. In case it is a appellation which exists only in my own mind, it comes from the hyphen between "anal" and "retentive." You *do* hyphenate "anal-retentive," do you not..?)

How would the Nu-Nu figure in? Ewww.  by Cousin Shelley

~Over the hills and far away
Teletubbies come to play...~
One day something strange arrived in Teletubby land.

"Tinky-Winky!", said the fat, fuzzy, triangularly-topped creature as he plucked the envelope from the sky and peered inside.

"Eh-oh! Wun away, wun away!" he said as he dropped his purse and the contents of the envelope on the too-green grass. The soft-spoken alien mutant thingee tripped over a brown rabbit as it sped off toward the mother ship and its three equally brightly colored pod-siblings.

The fat rabbit watched the purple blob waddle out of sight, and sniffed. It hippity-hopped over the contents of the envelope and proceeded to chew on a weird, giggling flower. Fortunately, it was only a rabbit and wasn't disturbed by the implications of the items on which it had just deposited three perfectly round poop-pellets:

A cluster of foil-wrapped condoms and a photograph of two vampires, Enforcers to be sure. They looked ugly, they looked mean, they looked dumb, and they didn't look like they'd be terribly gentle no matter how fuzzy or doe-eyed the object of their attentions might be. And one of them had fangs as yellow as the laughing-baby-sun on a bright big-hug morning.

~Time for Tubby bye-bye, time for Tubby bye-bye~

And of course sometimes it is not the writer's fault that the UF list is denied their rightful due of slash. Bruno and Mack can be quite useful in those situations as well...

My Place or Yours?
   OR
Mack and Bruno meet Hell's Angel
By: Jadelyn Ashkevron

The computer screen was the only light in the large room. A figure was seated in the over stuffed swivel chair in front of that screen, feet up on the side of the desk, contemplating the words printed on the screen.

To: "Silver Jade" silverjade_@hotmail.com
FROM: "Grendal" heapatrubl.bc.ca
SUBJECT: Re: (none)

hi sweets!
look, really sorry about the disk, but i couldn't help it, i had to see what you'd been going on and on about. i'll return it monday at school, promise. see ya later!

grendal

Her eyes narrowed as her anger at the impetuous young twerp who had sent the note rose to the surface. He was going to pay, and he was *not* going to like it.

Moving the mouse across the screen, she hit a few buttons, and a new message appeared on the screen. This time, her lips twisted in a smile. Suddenly, a loud banging began at her back door. Getting up quickly, she made her way to the door just as her guest raised his hand to pound on her door again.

Bruno opened his mouth to speak, and realized he was looking at empty air. He tipped his gaze down - way down. There, standing in front of him was a dark red-haired girl. To call her anything else would have been laughable - she couldn't have been more than fourteen. He began laughing, a low, deep sound in his throat that made the girl's face twist into an expression of anger and, when the laughter increased, rage.

"Hey, Bruno, what's so funny?" Mack asked from behind the bigger Enforcer. The stairway was cramped and barely fit the two vampires.

Bruno moved slightly out of the way so his partner could see the pint-sized girl-child standing in front of him. "She-she looks like Fenris' dog!" he gulped out before surrendering to his laughter again, Mack joining him.

"I did not make you come here to be laughed at," the girl said, glaring up at Bruno through smoldering grey eyes. She reached up and grabbed the front of Bruno's coat, choking off his laughter and drawing his face down to her level; which, incidentally had him completely doubled over. "I wanted you here to take care of some business," her deadly tone broached no argument.

Wrenching his coat out of her surprisingly strong grip, Bruno drew himself up to his full height, thereby smacking his head on the relatively low ceiling of the stairway. Mack smirked, trying to contain his humour at the fact that this tiny girl could intimidate his partner.

"Now, if you would follow me...?" the girl said, turning and walking down a long hallway and back to the main portion of the house. She flicked on a couple of lights as she moved through the house.

"Ya know, girlie, we don't make trips all the way up to the Great White North because we like it," Bruno said, trying to make himself the assertive one. He looked around the house, and even his limited acquaintance with interior design was impressed; to his right, as he came out of the dark hallway, was a doorway into a small bathroom; directly in front of him was a spacious kitchen, painted in yellow with cute, multi-coloured froggie curtains; and to is left was a large room, obviously divided into three separate spaces: dining room, computer area, and living room. An entertainment unit containing a large television also held a huge stereo through whose speakers The Tea Party was softly playing.

"Look, Bruno," she rounded on him, her index finger pointed accusingly at him. "First of all, I am *not* going to allow you to call me 'girlie.' I am eighteen years old, and will not stand for it. Second," she turned around, leading the way into the living room and folding herself gracefully onto a high-backed, Victorian, wing chair, "I knew you wouldn't pass up the opportunity to come here, as far away from the rest of the UFfers as possible, not to mention Uncle," she smiled at the shiver which ran through the pair at LaCroix' nickname. "And third," she softened into her oh-I'm-a-little-girl-and-you-can't-refuse-me voice. "I like you guys, and the rest of the list has been so mean to you, I wanted to let you have some fun." She smiled, but it had very little warmth to it.

Cautiously, the pair of Enforcers came and sat down on the medium blue love seat facing her. "So, who are you again?" Mack asked through the oversized fangs protruding from his upper lip. Bruno rolled his eyes and thought about smacking his partner. Anyone with half a brain could see that they were in the presence of the youngest of the list's authors*: the not-so-infamous Silver.

Ignoring Mack's question, Bruno asked, "Why do you think we'll do what you want?"

"Because, I'm going to ask you retrieve something for me, and I want you to do it any way you like," Silver said, noticing the sudden gleam that came to both of the vampire's eyes at being given free rein. "Yes, that's right. I don't care *how* you deal with him as long as you don't kill him," some of the gleam left, "and you return the disk he has in one piece. Understand?"

Bruno nodded. Mack looked at his partner with something akin to incredulity. "You're letting this girl talk you into doing something for her? I thought you wanted to take her out as soon-" Mack was cut off by the look on Bruno's face, which spoke volumes more when his fangs extended. "Okay, okay, we'll do like she wants."

"I'm glad you two are agreed," came Silver's amused voice. "Now, this is the picture of the guy I want you to deal with, and here is his home address, phone number, and work number," she told them, handing over the appropriate items. "He goes by the name Grendal, but his parents and most of his enemies call him Travis. I want that disk back by tomorrow night, as well as a photo of what you did to him," a wicked smile spread across her face. "I can't wait to see the expression on his face when he sees I've done what I promised I would."

"What is this guy to you, anyway?" Mack asked, curiosity getting the better of common sense.

"He's my boyfriend," Silver said, her grin widening.

Bruno looked at the evil expression on her face and swallowed. Hard. Whoever this guy was, he felt sorry for him.

(* - okay, since nobody disputed the fact that I claimed youngest, I'm keeping it that way!! *g*)

Slackers  By Molly Schneider

It didn't matter that they were each a foot taller than her, Molly's Russian heritage made her capable of looking down her nose at anyone, even the hulking Enforcers who fidgeted nervously as she paced a deliberate circle around them. They'd purchased expensive sunglasses in a tourist shop as a concession to the locale but instead of blending in with the Phoenix population they only looked like a diseased version of the Blues Brothers.

"Do you know what I've been hearing lately?" she finally asked.

They looked at each other.

"I hear that you've agreed to be the 'personal' Enforcers for Amy and Shan..." She idly inspected the teakwood letter opener on her desk, then wheeled on them. "IS THIS TRUE?"

579 pounds of Enforcers jumped and hit the floor in unison.

"Watch it," Molly said. "I've got neighbors, you know. Well?"

"Amy's just such a cute little thing," whined Mack.

Molly quirked an eyebrow at Bruno. He was, after all, the more sensible of the two (which wasn't exactly saying much). Bruno looked down at his shoes. "I think Shan likes me," he confessed in a throaty whisper.

She rolled her eyes. How old did you have to be to be an Enforcer, and he was falling for womanly wiles? "Well, snap out of it," she said. "The Pillow Book deadline is April 1st, so you'll have a lot to keep you occupied, harrassing writers."

"No... not *writers*..." murmured Mack.

"And War's coming up soon. We may need you for that, we may not, but I want you to be prepared. Got it?"

"Yeah, we got it," Bruno grumbled, adding "ma'am" when her eyebrow rose again.

"Well, hang on to it, then. That's all. Dismissed. Oh, and boys?"

They hesitated at the door.

"Lose the shades. Buy yourselves Diamondback t-shirts and flipflops instead."

Yes, There Is A Virginia  By Molly Schneider

Slap, slap, slap... the eerie sound of a couple of big guys trying to be sneaky in flipflops. Well, Mack was still trying to be sneaky; Bruno had given up in disgust. Mack gave his partner a sympathetic look. "Ouch," he said. "Bet that hurt."

Bruno glared at him. His normally greased-down hair looked like it had been run through a salad shooter; his official-issue black Enforcers' overcoat hung in tattered shreds.

"It's not that bad," Mack offered helpfully. "It's kind of a punk look, you might say."

Bruno glared at him. "I'm not going near this writer's house. She has connections."

"You don't know that. I'm sure those F-15s were supposed to be out there."

"Uh-huh. On night maneuvers, right?"

"Well... yeah."

"Uh-huh. Right."

Mack consulted his list. "We can go back to Arizona and take care of Laurie."

"Then there's that wolf woman... and Silver Jade; I don't know where she lives, though... hey, how about Amie? That's way down in New Zealand!"

"Do they have an Air Force?"

"I don't know. But it's an island; they probably have um, hula girls or something."

"Women!" Bruno spat out.

Mack hastily readjusted his tactics. "Sheep! They have sheep!"

"Yeah...?"

"And we're already wearing flipflops."

Two hulking shapes rose into the sky, heads filling with visions of coconuts filled with sheep's blood, and little paper umbrellas...

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