One reader wrote, "My boyfriend is away in the Air Force and every day is a new struggle. He brings out the best in me. When I am with him I feel worthy and hopeful, and I have something to offer to the world.
"I see my friends at college with their boyfriends and I wish that my boyfriend could be here with me. It is hard to not become resentful that we can't be together."
A common saying goes, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." A more ominous one says, "Out of sight, out of mind."
Job relocation or a move for any reason may separate you from your loved one. How do you nurture your relationship from a distance? How do you deal with the fears and insecurities? How do you use the time while you're apart?
With time or space between you and your loved one, relationship principles don't change. However, the heartache of separation does bring several issues into sharp focus. Being alone without the other, each of us needs to draw from a personal well of self-esteem and from God for comfort and patience.
In biblical law newlywed husbands were not conscripted into military duty. Leaders understood the necessity of bonding in the new family. At this tender time the separation would bring hardship, as well as the risk of permanent loss without posterity.
In recent times, newlyweds are often parted for military leave. And the cosmopolitan world of business holds no soft spot for pining couples. Love is often left to fend for itself.
Loving couples who are separated don't need to feel apart from each other. The ties that bind two hearts are tighter when they are made to stretch. The feelings of closeness magically seem to intensify in the desire to be reunited.
Romeo exclaims, "Parting is such sweet sorrow." The longing to be with your loved one keeps your loved one predominant in your thoughts. When couples are apart they hope to remain a part of one another's lives and thoughts.
Long-distance phone bills can mount up quickly. Other ways of keeping in touch can be just as romantic, without having to be expensive. William Wordsworth penned to his wife, "Fail not to write to me ... but give me your heart that I may kiss the words a thousand times!" (from Love Letters: A Romantic Treasury)
In SoulMates: Honoring the Mysteries of Love and Relationships, Thomas More expresses how letters are personal encounters. "They require a certain level of artfulness and thoughtfulness in expression. Then they remain to be reread ... these aspects of the letter invite soulfulness."
Couples can find many creative ways to span distances. Carefully hidden notes or mementos can work like time capsules, to be discovered later. E-mail is a great way to keep in constant touch. Romantic communiques show that you keep one another in your thoughts.
Expressing your commitment strengthens love while you're away from each other. Trusting and being trustworthy are the traits of noble character that solidify your future togetherness.
When you pray for your loved one, your heart crosses the distance. Asking God's blessings for the other keeps your thoughts in positive hope. It's a good reminder too of God's hope that we will someday return to Him. We can also receive comfort through His spirit whenever we draw near to Him.
An important aspect of waiting is that we take care of our own needs. We need to maintain a balance in each area: physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. In spite of future hope, we need to live in the here and now. There are responsibilities we need to manage every day. Actively serving our fellow man is fundamentally grounding for every area of life.
Reunions come with a unique, sweet spirit. The time back together can be precious moments to treasure in years to come.
Take time to get to know each other again. It really is best not to rush things when you get back together. Rather than making vows and binding commitments, use this time to build relationship skills together. Sort out facts from fantasies. It takes a lot of time to develop a healthy relationship in person.
There is a tendency for reunited couples to want to make up for the physical absence all at once. It is better to seek balance. The four areas are just as relevant for building a relationship: physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. If you find all your activity focused on physical togetherness, the other areas will suffer neglect. You can find many meaningful ways to spend your time together.
Love Letters: A Romantic Treasury is a smaller-than-pocket-size edition of excerpts of letters from famous writers, poets and lovers. My wife and I enjoy reading it to each other on dates.