Back to the Dream Page
Chapter 10
Holly insisted that she was fine the next day and went back to the training grounds that morning. There was no way she was going to listen to her students or Isaac, Veronica, and I and admit that she needed a break. No, she pushed herself to her work, drowning her pain in the work and trying to push away those who cared about her.
All of us played with the charade for a few days, giving her the benefit of the doubt and giving her the space she asked for… But what were we trying to do in pretending? We were all concerned and didn't know what else to do; she wasn't going to listen. It took another battle.
The Nica didn't wait long before retaliating for their loss. It had been barely more than a week actually. Holly demanded that she be part of the team that went to fight despite that Isaac had been already been willing to stay behind with her. She wouldn't hear any of it though. She wanted to be there when we introduced Michelle to battle, Daniel's apprentice, but we all knew it was more than that. Michelle had been training with the team for years now. She'd already fought before alongside us so it wasn't going to be a shock for her. The only difference came in Michelle's higher status but we gave into Holly's excuse. We didn't have the heart to tell her otherwise.
Again, the battle was in the middle of a cold, winter's day. The elements weren't working with us this time however, and an icy rain tested everyone's patience. The cold downpour quickly turned the ground underneath to a muddy slush that sucked us deep with each step we took making movement difficult. The rainwater that was unfortunate enough to hit people instead of earth came down in freezing sheets, further slowing all of us down with our water logged clothing and slippery grips on weapons. When weapons proved to be more detrimental than useful, magic became a primary way to fight. The air crackled with electric volts, both from the hands of humans on earth and in the skies above. Beams of Light and Energy were directed every which way and many people were forced to leave the battle injured and incapable of fighting anymore.
I flashed Michelle a quick smile as we both finished off another opponent before I turned to see where everyone else was. Isaac was working behind me, drawing up the Energy within himself to spout Fire from his fingertips. Michelle and Veronica worked together to take some of the natural elements into control, using strong gusts of Wind to strengthen Water's onslaught on the enemy. It took me a bit longer to spot Holly and I found her some distance away.
She was fighting a man that was almost two feet taller than herself. The man was laughing at her, anticipating her every move and deflecting each one. The more he taunted her, the more she was driven to make mistakes, wasting energy in attacks that couldn't hurt him, still using her sword as her main weapon. Swinging that blade around was costing her and her movements were getting sluggish. It didn't surprise me when the man finally just knocked the sword out of Holly's grasp. What did surprise me was when she calmly knelt down and bent her head forward, as if waiting for the brute to decapitate her.
Even as I started running to get to her side, I knew I'd be too late. So instead, I shot a beam of Light to knock his sword out of his grasp and temporarily blind him. The man backed up, startled. I picked up Holly's sword from the muddy ground and drove it into his gut. Without watching for the man's fall, I turned to Holly and created a protective dome around us. "What the hell was that all about?" I yelled at her.
She looked at me, as if she was still in shock for what could have happened just then.
Quietly, I asked her. "Holly. What was going on in that head of yours? Did you want to die?"
She looked up into my eyes. "I don't know."
I clenched my jaw. "Come on. We're out of here."
Despite her exclamations, I teleported the two of us out of that place and back to my place. "Go get washed up. I don't want you to catch a cold. And when you're done, come back out here so we can talk. And don't you even think of leaving without seeing me first."
From the look in my eyes, she knew better than to protest and it was a good thing she didn't. I was so furious, I was shaking the entire time I took my quick shower to get cleaned up. When she came out of the bathroom, she found me in the kitchen putting some water to boil. "Ryan?"
She was wearing only a towel. "Here. Take these." I handed her a T-shirt and a pair of sweats that were exactly her size. She questioned me by raising an eyebrow. "Get dressed and I'll answer your questions outside. I think we both have some talking to do."
She nodded and retreated back into the bathroom. When she came out again, I was already in the living room waiting with two cups of hot chocolate. I waited until she was slowly drinking from her steaming mug before speaking. "You know, you're making it very difficult to be keeping my distance from you when you're obviously hurting inside." A faint spark lit her eyes when our eyes met and I took that to be a good sign. At least she could still argue somewhat… "Hear me out Holly. I don't know what stunt you were pulling out there but it sure looked like you wanted to get yourself killed. Unless you were going to go for some surprise act on the man, you would have died out there and I don't know about you, but I don't think I can handle anymore deaths."
Still, she sat there, unable to tear her eyes away from mine and yet afraid to keep looking because she knew I was right. I took in a deep breath and continued. "The night Daniel died, I had a dream. Kris came back to tell me that I couldn't count on her helping me anymore. She said I was dwelling too much in the past on the what if's. She's right. I was.
"When we first met, she quickly became one of my most trusted friends. I could tell her anything and she wouldn't judge me. Whenever I needed someone to just hear me out, she'd be there when no one else gave a care in the world that I was hurting. When she left, my world crumbled. I mourned for a long time but in the end, moved on. She would have wanted that, I knew. She had no place in her world for a guy who kept looking back and wondering what if. She'd gone through that before and I wasn't going to follow in her ex's footsteps. I tucked away my memories as best I could and placed it somewhere deep in my heart where the pain wouldn't hurt so much. Sometimes though, the question would come up in the most random way. Would she approve of what I was doing with myself? Was I doing the right thing?
"Seeing her in that alley tore me up. The shock of seeing her again overwhelmed me. Memories that I'd kept hidden from myself emerged and I was amazed at myself at how much I'd forgotten. And then I noticed that she was hurt and in a strange way, it gave me hope. Here was my chance, I thought, to help her out the way she helped me. But she didn't need my help in the way I thought."
I sighed and looked away for a moment, needing the time to gather myself together after having drawn up the memories again in telling them to Kris's best friend. When I looked back, she was still watching me, waiting patiently for me to continue. "All throughout my training, I had depended on her calm voice to guide me and assure me that I was doing the right thing. All of a sudden, she was always with me again and I could trust her to be there for me. I wanted so much to yell at her when she said that she had to leave me alone again. Wasn't the pain I went through the first time enough? Why did I have to go through it again? She said that I needed to grow up some more and that the only way I could do it was if I stopped looking back. I'm trying but it's hard. I know it's hard for you too Holly. It has to be. That's what toughens us up for the difficult life we lead. But we must move on. I know it's only been just over a week but Daniel and Kris and everyone else is counting on us to move on."
"I know," she sniffled, tears slipping down her face as she silently wept. She looked down into her empty mug. "It's just that, sometimes, I hate him so much. How could he do this to me? To us? I thought he loved me. He said that to me so many times. But if he loved me, he would never have hurt me by leaving me alone. He wouldn't have taken me up only to tear at my emotions and kill my heart the way he did.
"And then I remember that I loved the man for more than half my life. It's just so hard accepting the fact that when I wake every morning now, he's no longer by my side. It's difficult knowing that when I come home, he won't be here, waiting for me with loving arms. It was hard enough losing my best friend but at least Daniel had been there to comfort me. Now with him gone, it's different."
"Look, I know it's a poor substitute for what the three of you shared, but I'm here now. I'll always be here for you if and when you need it. Just ask. It's a little hard to help you when you push me and everyone else away though," I said as I moved over to sit on the couch next to her and comfort her as best I could.
"I know, and I'm sorry. I just thought it'd be a little simpler and easier if we just moved on quickly and left the past to the past."
"We all need our time for mourning Holly. Even the most strong-hearted person needs a time to cry sometimes."
After a few more minutes, she'd stopped her crying and looked back at me. "So what now?"
I let a smile slowly creep onto my face. "I have an idea… Let's get you home so you can change into some more comfortable clothes unless you're okay going out in those."
"It depends on where we're going, which reminds me. Where did you get these clothes? They certainly can't be yours."
"You're right. They're not mine. Those were Kris's. She left them here long time ago just in case she ever needed a quick change if she couldn't get home." Holly raised an eyebrow to that. "I'm serious. Nothing ever happened between us so don't get any ideas. I'm sure she told you everything anyway."
"Of course. I just wanted to make sure she was right about you."
"About what?"
"That you couldn't lie."
"Guilty," I laughed. "I'm just terrible at that so I don't even bother trying anymore. Besides, I have my reputation of being an honest person to keep."
She joined me in laughing and stood up. "So where are we going?"
"It's a secret. I just wanted to know if you were okay in those clothes or you wanted to change before we go."
"Are you changing?"
I looked down at my own sweats and shirt. "Nope. I think I'm good."
"Then I'm sure I'll be fine as well."
I grinned. "All right, then away we go," I said as we left my apartment to go downstairs and get my car.