Youth, you gotta love it.
You face hormones, sex, school problems, integrity problems, religion, trying to find out who the hell you are and what you believe, trying to please everybody, especially your friends. Then you're confronted with more problems--rape, prostitution, drugs, violence, pregnancy, abortion, drinking. You've got problems like anybody else, and the government won't even let you drink legally so you can forget about your problems.
I keep letting myself down and disappointing myself. I'm no good at school anymore. Guys don't like me nearly as much as they used to. God seems so distant from anywhere. My friends are pretty much non-existant. With all the depressing things that have been going on lately, I can't seem to get out of this rut, and I've pretty much lost my sense of humor. "So this is growing up..."
How can you be happy with yourself if you don't have friends? I mean, I can get by O.K. if I at least have one person to turn to. But I've become so dependent on other people. I know it's wrong. I know I shouldn't depend on others. I know I should be this strong, smart, sassy, independent woman who is ready to attempt college and start the rest of my life, the regular downtown New York type of woman. And that's who I used to be, too. I used to be ready for anything, fearlessly striking out on my own and ready to attempt any dream and fight any obstacle. But that was when Trish was by my side. That was when God was kicking me in the right direction with an angel to light every path. That was when I had hope and faith to guide me.
But then again, it's just easier to disregard this as a phase that I'm going through. Because in about 6 months, school will be out again, and I'll be doing something with someone, and I'll be fine. I could probably get by right now if I actually believed that, if I actually had some sort of hope in it.
Hey, is your glass half-empty or half-full? Right now mine's bone dry, except for this little drop of residue clinging to the edge of the glass.
Like Birdie says in Hope Floats, "Childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome."