My Story

Firstly I would like this story to be looked on, not as a sad one, but as one of triumph.

As I was growing up, I was not a really big girl, a little overweight (as is my family tendencies) but was in control of it, it wasn't posing as a problem at school or anything. At the age of 9, at easter time, I came down with severe apendicitis and was put into hospital where I had them removed. Whilst there, and being easter, all of us kids were showered with easter eggs from the doctors and nurses there. We thought it was wonderful and got to know a few of the staff really well. My parents got along with several of them also. They were all so nice to us. After leaving the hospital we kept in contact with one of the doctors, I didn't know why, but my parents liked him as a friend.

After a while, Bob (the doctor) started visiting more often, then started taking us out to the park, swimming, and places like that. I thought nothing of it, and nor did my parents, but then after about 6 months Bob started molesting me. That is when the food started. He would threaten me so to scare me not to tell anyone so when I would go home, I would eat for comfort not realising the fast effect it was having on me. Over a period of several months I gained enough weight to be really noticable, and whenever Bob would see me, he would tell me how fat and undesirable I was getting and to go on a diet. Well the fact he was less interested as I gained weight made me happy, it was my light at the end of the tunnel.

After 2 years, at the age of 11, somehow we got him out of my life but the weight gain kept happening. I found so much comfort in food and it was like a protective shield to me. I have been through a lot in life, sexually abused by one other man at the age of 13 and raped twice before I turned 17. I started getting tattoos at the age of 14 also as a protective agent. I thought if I looked rough and tough that no-one would come near me, how wrong one can be. I was still eating my little heart out for comfort up till the age of 21 when I took a stand and was not going to be self destructive anymore. I realised the weight gain had not stopped any desires at all, just that I was desired by a different group of people. Up until the age of 21, my parents had no idea of the torment I was going through at such a young age, as most parents don't. One thing I have always expressed to my daughter and other children I have been in contact with about abuse is "no matter what, if you tell your parents about it, even if they do not believe it 100%, it usually puts enough doubt in their minds to not put you in that vunerable situation". At 21, I took Bob to court, I lost the case due to it being too long after the fact, but since then the welfare agencies have been watching him like a hawk, and for me, food was no longer a comfort agent, it is there when I am hungry. My weight has been stable now for about 4 years and am slowly becoming more confident about myself and the way I look.

I have come from being a vunerable victim that turned to drugs and food, to a business lady who feels pretty damn good within myself and want others to feel the same way. I have found help in my volunteer work with abused children, talking to a lot of people, and a hell of a lot of soul searching, but no matter what, I made it through.

I am a BBW and proud of it.

I am also very passionate about helping those who have been abused. During my volunteer work I did a couple of television appearances on child abuse and uncontrollable children as well as a lot of requests from drug rehabilitation units for my volunteer help and working with psychologists and one appearance with the Minister of Youth and Community Services at the time. I have not done any work in this field for many years, but will do again.