I have always been fat. My father was fat all his life. I never knew most of my fathers family, but those I have seen pictures of were also large. My mother was fat when she was younger. Her mother was fat as were the majority of that generation. But my mothers siblings were all small. So are my siblings. Genitics plays a role, but to what extent, and which genes are the controlling factors, no one knows. Or they aren't saying. I have always been on a diet, some of them by choice, and some of them imposed, especially when I was younger. Though my mother's motivations were love and concern, the results were feelings of self loathing and worthlessness and failure. At 40 I may understand and be able to deal with these issues. At 10, I couldn't. All I knew is that I was not accepted. When I failed at dieting, these feelings became more pronounced. The question might be asked "Why did I fail at dieting?" I don't know. I was certainly motivated, if by nothing else that for acceptance. I even went so far as to have gastric stapeling. It was very successful...I lost over 150 pounds. I also lost most of my hair, was always tired, bruised easily, developed all kinds of other "internal" problems. In the last eight years I have gained most of that weight back - not by 'pigging out', but by eating healthy, normal meals. In fact, I usually eat less that others around the table. My body has it's set point, and struggles to get back to it, no matter what. I decided to live healthy, and not worry about where on the scale that set point is.
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