Well I was a very fat baby,actually, and my first memories stemmed around food and the desire to get more of the things with high caloric content. My parents tried to guide me into other patterns, but before I was 6 years old I'd lied and stolen to get what I'd wanted (twisties and white bread). My mother died at that stage and my weight grew as a consequence of neglect, and the brute force of my father,whose own eating habits are shameful. Always wanting to be slim I alternated between starving (quite little) and bingeing (lots and lots). Oh, did I gain weight. I had so little contact with my body, whilst growing up, I think because I was physically abused quite often, maybe, but I was just not conscious of it till around 15 and I caught sight in a mirror and I realised I was immensely obese. The prying eyes around me made me even more self conscious and ashamed, although I wanted to please people and was outgoing I also ate and stole to eat, secretly and furtively for days and days,
whenever left alone, or when I'd constructed time to be alone.
Craziness!
I ate more when unhappy, or with time on my hands. Hmm.
I love my self and can't believe I've been so blind to my ways, I thought I could have my cake and eat it too. A stupid doctor told me at 15 that I'd only live to 20, and every year after that has been a blessing, but I continue to abuse my body. I'm 33 now, and have been going to OA for 3 years, off and on, but was recently diagnosed with a fatty liver,oh, when I think about the roomfulls of butter I've devoured, no wonder! So now if I eat any of that stuff my body rebels and I still play around! How much learning do I need to get to fight this disease?
I know it'll kill me, and it's not that I'm saying obesity is bad, I'm saying how you get obese is. And I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Being a BBW has also given me insight into a marginalised group. It has made me very political and involved in human rights as I can empathise very easily with groups or individuals whose cases bring them displeasure. I can't say that I wish I was different, I am what I made myself, the last few years certainly. I have to take responsibility and accept my body and love it for what it is.