Updated June 2, 2000

Live by your words,
struggle to set an example.
Smile on things you treasure,
laugh with those you love-
hate only those who have earned it.
Let your anger flow through your eyes
and pierce the hearts of those you loathe.
Your honor restricts you,
your morals keep you in line.
Struggle to realize your ends,
use the means you have chosen.
Your eloquence melts hearts
and stills others in mid-beat.
Quiet as you ponder,
silent as you think, fingers tapping.
I await your response,
my mind striving to follow the meandering paths of yours.

Endearing are your quirks,
befuddling are your actions.
Each day brings new surprises and joys,
new obstacles to overcome.
Every day I know you more thoroughly,
every day I love you more.
I smile as thoughts of you fill my head,
as memories are triggered.
An argument with you breaks my heart,
bitter words fill me with melancholy.
I reflect on my past wrongs,
strive to never repeat them.
My temper betrays my sense,
I fall into the clutching hands of pettiness and anger.
Apologies abound,
yet they can do little to correct these wrongs.
Know always I regret hurting you, that I forgive you for the same.
My world is shadowed a rose-colored hue
with you in it.

While I am often perplexed at your actions,
or distrustful of your motives,
I remain bound to you.
Never am I left without an explanation,
or at least an attempt at one,
and more often then not, am brought a greater understanding
through your words.
You assurances as to the love behind your actions quell my fears.
My trust in you is endless,
my love for you eternal.

Open your eyes,
quick, don’t fall into her trap.
Fangs and claws reach at you,
guised as love and tender caresses.
Don’t be deceived,
please, be aware.
Don’t repeat your mistakes,
don’t let your hope get the better of you.
Your friends are left alone,
watching you in the clutches of a monster.
Listen to your sense,
at very least to the words of others.
Don’t let yourself be hurt again,
bitten by those poisonous fangs,
impaled on those rose-scented claws.
Your heartstrings run deep,
your love your vulnerability.
Protect yourself-
don’t fall into the trappings of lust.

Who are you as that man?
What is this stranger brought into our lives?
Has she transformed you,
or have you kept yourself cloaked?
Who is the real you?
My recollections of you,
your actions and thoughts these past years,
disagree with the “you” of today.
Where is your humor, your laid-back approach to life?
Is this intensity from within,
or a result of another?
I miss you, whoever you were.

It was always superficial between us,
fun, laughter, silly pranks; never more.
Still my love runs deep,
and I am concerned.
Are you happy?
Does that relationship bring you joy,
does that abuse bother you?
Is it all silly banter, or is it a guise for seriousness?
Please, talk to me.
Don’t put on your optimistic face,
or hide your hurt deep inside.
Let your feelings out,
open the floodgates of your heart.
Don’t worry as to your vulnerability,
you can trust me.
My tears have flowed freely before you,
my broken rambling has met your willing ears.
Let me do you the same favors,
open yourself to me.

Perhaps you are too much akin to myself,
perhaps I am overly concerned for a friend.
My general avarice for attention could sour my attitude to you-
or is it something else?
Am I justified in seeing you as controlling and manipulating,
as monopolizing the attentions of another?
I will quell the negative feelings inside me,
give you another chance.
Perhaps this unfamiliar situation causes your overdone friendliness,
Perhaps my own mindset taints my view of you.
My irrational jealousy may be coming to a head here,
it could be that you are the easiest enemy.

My loathing for you runs deep and true,
a giant river, its hundred of tributaries multiply with the days.
I no longer question the motives of my hate-
you have taken the thing most dear from me.
You have caused my more pain than I ever before felt.
No, it is no solely you at fault,
but you are a primary contributor,
and a convenient scapegoat.
I am not alone in my dislike for you,
it comes also from the most unanticipated factions.
A professional, an adult, a mentor. She views you as mean and controlling.
An ex, now my friend, sees you as psychopathic and revolting.
People entirely uninvolved stand from the sidelines
and comment on your hate-worthiness.
One who does not hate loathes you.
Those you, in your self-indulgent quest for glory, have snubbed and ridiculed
stand justified in their hate.
And she, who you claim loves you,
commented on your mean streak and disagreeable qualities upon
your first meeting.
A gargantuan militia has built up against you,
I can only hope its full force will bring you to
your knees as you feel it.
I smile at your downfall.

While thoughts spiral through my head,
my mind confused and lost,
you keep me safe.
Wait only for the end,
or perhaps the beginning of something new.
The happiness I have stems from your love,
my smiles are for you.
Smile through the pain of your heart,
laugh through your tears.
Wait and watch- protect yourself.

Tears fall form a face in pain,
quietly dripping.
I feel my heart breaking
the schism tears me apart.
Not to satisfy my desire for love,
only to criticize my feelings,
you lash out in anger.
New emotions bubble up inside me-
I feel anger, frustration.
No longer only sad and hurt.
Not charity any longer,
not a want to resolve, to make it all better.
Feel my anger.

In fear I wait,
my nerves expose my heart-
hands shake, lips quiver.
The tiny little bubble I live in
falls in shards around me.
Each minute lie
reshapes my trust in you.
The hurt I feel inside me
you make no effort to quell.
The life I had is no longer,
as every word injures me.
Is this really life?

Where has it all gone,
so quickly, without warning.
I exist only as a method of diversion to you.
Feelings expressed in sincerity
fall upon deaf ears.
Feelings shown in anger
are taken to heart
The love I had,
the trust I had,
are continually disintegrating.
These things I cannot handle.

Sit in quiet solitude,
ponder the life once had.
Swept away as
leaves skitter across the ground.
Once bright and vibrant,
it quickly fades, turns ugly and is stolen away.
Look through the window
on the serenity of ignorance.
Be strong.
Weep no longer,
hurt no longer.
No, this pain cannot be kept at bay,
for it is of love lost.
But is it of friendship lost?

Perhaps the sky will give you answers.
Perhaps the snowflakes will whisper in your ear.
Perhaps, if you search long enough,
you will find one who tells you what you wish to hear.

Think not of pain or apathy,
see not injury or tears.
Live your life of ignorance.
Take me with to the murky recesses of the heart,
where all the truth is kept.
Show to me your honesty,
give me back your love.
Unconditional, after all these years-
perhaps.
The question put before you
demands that.

Live through the life not yours.
March along those paths as someone
other than yourself.
Speak to those you love
with anger in your words.
Hide the love deep inside you,
ignore the truth.
See only the side you wish to.
Hear only the words that fit your purpose,
whether in anger or in love.
Stand up before the world
as an imposter
in the place of honesty.
Cry as you fall asleep.
Think thoughts of me.

Eyes that stare at you from all sides-
do you see them?
Mouths that laugh behind your back-
do you hear them?
Words spoken in your ear-
will you understand them?
A heart that calls out to you-
will you listen?
A truth you see hidden within yourself-
do you care?
A person who loves you-
will you love her?

Trinkets strewn about the room,
stored in the recesses of my heart.
Will we lose all our memories
yet to be made?
I speak not only in fear,
but in love.
Your smile brings joy to my heart,
your tears, pain.
The words of before act as your smile,
the words of today as your tears.
I feel lost and lonely,
unable to discern myself from my hurt.
My tears run down my face,
fall across my lips.
How strange it is to be unable to kiss you,
to have you speak such hateful words.
Leave us not with this as
our last memory.

Dance a dance with me,
sing a song.
Love a life with me,
make it long.
Melt my pain with
your love.
Soothe my tears with
your words.
Bring out my smile with
your own.
Show me my happiness
as you receive yours.
Give yourself joy
with me.

© 1996 jbwerness@pclink.com