Updated June 2, 2000

Monsters

Lying alone in the darkness,
thoughts of your reside-
in a sleepy mind.
Eventually, eyes drop,
mouth yawns.
I fall into sleep.
In tangled dreams,
bits and pieces of reality,
my subconscious returns to you.
Sweet dreams of joy and laughter
flash through my mind.
In real life,
such things are not so sweet.
The things which could bring
ultimate happiness,
are destroyed by
a selfish reality.
A careful plea
of saneness and peace,
is crushed.
With anger and resentment,
completely consuming.
The hopeful eyes,
from a priceless soul,
are devestated.
Suddenly, the dream ends.
But it's not over.
Nightmares come in other forms..
than monsters.

The good, the bad.
The bright, the shadowed.
They say light overcomes the shadows-
but the darkness is still there,
simply hidden behind the facade of light.

Trivial Beings
That's all we really are.
A big ego-
A quiet intelligence.
A similar beauty.
Where hate brews- rotting away goodness,
all that lies behind hateful faces-
is fear.
Fear of themselves-
Fear of others who are so like them,
yet different.
It is the difference that phases them-
perhaps they think the other is better,
perhaps they're afraid they're inadequate.
But still, hateful faces appear.
In all places.
Every one saddens.
A quick blow to the sense of equality-
that we all have.
But some choose to ignore,
and put on a hateful face.

To be chastised,
and forced to listen.
Discuss, compromise, surrender.
Where my words mean nothing.
Protests futile.
Where thoughts unheard of,
are said to be evil.
Where ideas different from their own
Said to be wrong.
How can thoughts, desires,
be wrong?
How can ideas, brought forth from individual minds,
be opposed?
There is no opposition to opinions.
Opinions are my ideas of things.
My opinion is my view.

It's my body, my life.
I own it, solely my possession.
How can one bequeath
their permission
on something they don't own?
How can they expect one to listen,
where it's not their place to say?
How can they forbid?
How can they allow?
It's not their place.
It's no place but mine to say.

Tonight, no different form any other night,
I sit, and wait.
Wait, wait for him to come.
I have not seen him in such a long time.
Last, it was in a dream.
He came to me,
appearing like a ghost from the mist.
He called out to me;
asking for help.
I tried, so hard I tried,
to reach him.
Alas, I could not.
I felt rooted in my place,
not able to move an inch.
Not an inch to save him.
I stood, watching him die, in this dream.
Sensing, I would never again see him.
Still, I wish every day
to see him again..... Somewhere.

I think of you day and night,
you are always on my mind.
I imagine you by day and
dream of you by night.
Your smile,
shining in your lovely eyes,
Your soothing words,
Your forgiving heart.
I will remember you,
forever and always.

Removed form the word, sitting alone in suffocating darkness.
Darkness, which encloses me.
The loneliness envelops me, cutting me off from reality,
How I wished you were here, to talk to me, to share your thoughts.
How I wished you were by my side, here to support me.
This wishful thinking has driven me to a point of no return.
Now I know that I long to be close,
I long to be loved,
and I love you.

Flicks of colored light dance across an endless black sky.
An abyss wnding downward, never ending, catching everything thrown its way.
Midnight, alone. No light within sight. Blackness everywhere, total darkness.
A loneliness so dark it envelops the entire soul.
Wraps around you, covering you with a deep dark blanket of pure ebony.
All around, total immersion in the blackness, suffocating you.
Searching for a shelter, something to rid you of this dark,
something to protect you.
Black, the awful color of loneliness, death and sorrow.

You laugh,
but it still hurts.
Covering the pain with a smile.
It's so hard to see you like this.
Laughing, smiling, not a care in the world.
So I play along.
I laugh,
I smile,
I joke with you.
But still,
I don't understand.
I should have known.
I should have known it wouldn't last.
I should have known you didn't care.
Why didn't I?
Was I that blinded?
I wish I could have seen.
Seen the real you.
Maybe then, it wouldn't have happened this way.
Once I wished that always,
we'd be together.
Now I wish that we never had.
You say we'll be together again.
I don't think it will happen.
Why would I want that again?
Sometimes it was wonderful.
Other times it was chaos.
Still, I think we had more good times
than bad.
But you never know for sure.
I know I'll wonder "what if?"
But that doesn't matter anymore.
Once you did.
You were all I had.
Now there are others.
You aren't a part of me.
I put you in a box in the trunk.
The love and caring you had for me is gone.
In the box in the trunk.
Never again will I open it,
But what should I do with it?
I must admit,
It means too much to throw away.
Although I always wish I could.
But yet, it will sit.
Forever in the box in the trunk.

A bright speck,
hiding off in the sky.
Why is it so lonely?
Thousands of miles away
from its nearest friend.
No wonder it is lonely,
it has no heart or soul.
Swirling turning clouds of gas,
Burning bright as the sun.
To kill a man,
To kill a star,
The difference is not what they say.
Why is a star so different from a man?
Why doesn't it deserve to live?
Nothing has the star done,
It brings life like the sun.
The man, on the other hand,
has destroyed our precious planet.
So in conclusion I say.
Let the star live another day.
Kill the man,
Destroy him and never let him forget,
the misery that comes his way.

Dreams become reality,
Fantasies once an illusion
The unimaginable comes true,
Your love for me,
So pure and free,
will shine in light diluted-
only by the coming of dawn,
the strlight gone till dusk again.
Our dreaming spent,
our fantasies gone,
forever forgotten,
On The Other Side of Midnight.

You slept peacefully, soundlessly, lifelessly.
Never again will you sleep at my side,
for you have gone away.
Deep, Deep, Deeper into sleep I fall,
waiting, waiting for you to come.
No, never again will you come.
You are far, far away,
in a world of which I know nothing.
As I sleep I picture in this world,
wishing I could see you once again.

Emptiness, formed by nothing,
lying in the absence of anything.
Sensed, but never seen.
Felt, but never heard.
Known, yet undefined.

Powerful, yet silent
in a world full of dread
and darkness that
lay beyond the
LIGHT

Far away,
the distance between us is great,
yet we are so close.
I cannot hear you
I cannot see you
I cannot touch you,
but I know you are there.
I have never heard your soft voice whisper to me.
I have never seen your sweet face as we walk under the moonlight.
I have never held your hand in the wake of a setting sun.
Yet I love you with all my heart.
Perhaps we may never meet,
perhaps none my dreams will ever become reality.
But, with all my heart and all my soul, I wish they could.
Only in my dreams have I listened to your voice,
looked into your eyes, or held your hand.
Only in my dreams have I kissed your sweet lips.
Only in my dreams . . . . . .

Quite known, yet unknown.
You feel its presence all around you,
enclosing you beneath a layer of
suffocating softness.
You cannot breathe, for it enfolds you.
You cannot hear, for it allows no sound through.
You cannot speak, for you are speechless because of its power.
Unlimiting power of utmost importance to its survival.
What is this horrible thing?
It is silence, pure silence.

In the depths of night,
the air is still and the world is silent.
You do not move,
for fear of destroying the silence by making a noise.
At this dark time,
you begin to think.
Perhaps you think about your life,
or perhaps something else.
But, regardless, you think.
Reaching out into the darkness,
you find nothing there but empty space.

In the darkness,
you feel trapped.
Suffocated by nothing at all.
Grasping, calling out to someone.
To rescue you from this darkness.
It surrounds you, keeping you
in its hold; never unleashing you,
never letting go,
Held in the depths of nothing.

Words are meaningless.
They catch us up in an unending illusion.
To your ears, they seem real,
but to your mind, they are not.
They are spoken, and taken as reality,
believed with all your heart.
Words can imply many feelings.
For some,
words are felt deep within the pits of their hearts.
But for others,
words bounce off and have no effect.
They can touch you deep within.
They can spark emotions of many different kinds.
Through all this,
words still mean nothing.
It is all a complicated illusion in our screwed-up world.

Yesterday I saw you,
but it seems so far away.
Today I think it's odd,
we're never met before.
Tomorrow I hope we meet again,
maybe not here, but somewhere.

Deserted,
left alone to fend for myself.
No one anywhere,
no one in sight.
No one to talk to,
no one to listen.
I see no light.
Falling, falling . . . . deeper, deeper into a darkness,
a darkness with no light.
I search and find nothing.
I look and see nothing.
There is nothing,
no where.
Given up, all faith lost.
Things have no meaning,
nothing to believe in.
People lost,
friends gone,
life seen spiraling downward in endless circles.
At times when I was once full of life, joy and happiness,
I am now lifeless, I do not care.
Tired, so tired.
Of life, and everything in it.
I just don't care any longer.
Life has no hold on me, no meaning, no excitement
for me any longer.

Those which are, are not.
I care too much,
I love too much,
I understand too much.
That which I care about, diminishes.
Those whom I love slowly fade away.
All that which I understand, hurts.

Seemingly, everything is connected by a twisting web of fragile strings.
Now, these strings are being torn, cut and untwined,
causing everything to fall apart,
shattering to bits and pieces,
chaos strewn about in all directions.

Somehow, we keep faith there will be a light at the end.
Those who don't, are hopeless.
Hope in a world of chaos is crucial.

Deep inside,
I feel a gaping hole.
Something is missing.
As I sit in the stilling cold,
I watch others bask in the warmth surrounding me.
My sorrow is too great to enjoy the happiness of others.
I try to be joyful,
but the sadness overwhelms me.
Something is terribly wrong.
Happiness eludes me.
Through the pouring rain,
the sun appears.
Looking upward,
a sparkling rainbow show its face.
Bu even the golden rays of the sun
cannot melt away my sorrows.
Something is missing.
The growing hole inside me
becomes unbearable.
Escape is the only answer.
Only then will I be at peace.
Only then will I be happy.
Only then will my pain be healed and overcome.

We think yesterday never ended,
We don't believe today ever started,
And we dream of tomorrow

I say fireflies, they say burning clouds of gas.
Stars caught in that bluish black sheet,
scattered across the universe.
They say thousands of miles away,
but who are they to say?
Have the traveled to the stars,
walked upon their surface?
No.
I prefer to believe in fireflies
or hearths of ones departed long ago.
Burning balls of gas,
what fantasy is that.
If seeing is believing,
I see fireflies dancing up there.
I look up,
and the fireflies stare back down at me.
Never will I believe,
balls of burning gas,
are dancing in the sky.

© 1996 jbwerness@pclink.com