Auntie Em. Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
We're staying togheter for the sake of the cats.
It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.
My karma ran over your dogma.
Woman who seek to be equal seek ambition.
This is not an abandoned vehicle.
I do not lie, cheat or steal unnessarily.

It's as bad as you think and they ARE out to get you.
Beautify Texas. Put a Yankee on a bus.
Welcome to Texas, now go home.
When you do a good deed get a receipt (in case Heaven is like the IRS).
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Don't steal. The government hates competition.
Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

**Flying saucers are real, the Air Force doesn't exist**
There's one in every crowd and they always find me.
No radio. Already stolen.
Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.
Want a taste of religion? Bite a minister.
Honk if you love cheese.
There's one in every crowd and they always find me.
I don't care who you are, what you are driving, or where you would rather be.

I iz a collage stuend!
Exxon Suxx.
Carlsbad Caverns: 22% more cavities.
If you don't like the news, go out and make some of your own.
I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.
So many pedestrians, so little time.
Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face on a milk carton.

Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
Life's too short to dance with ugly men.
My wife says if I go fishing one more time, she's going to leave me. Gosh, I'm going to miss her.
Sex on televison can't hurt you unless you fall off.
Eschew obfuscation.
Geez if you believe in hunkus.

If it's too loud, you're too old.
Wink. I'll do the rest.
Friends don't let friends drive naked.
Is there life before coffee?
I cayman went.
Don't laugh. You daughter could be in this vehicle.

Save California; when you leave take someone with you.
Never play leap frog with a unicorn.
Will Rogers never met a lawyer.
If money could talk, it would say goodbye.
Nobody's ugly after 2 am.
The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful.
I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?

Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
When you're in love, you're at the mercy of a stranger.
My other wife is beautiful.
I may be fat but you're ugly and I can lose weight.
Just when you think you've won the rat race along comes a faster rat.
Th worst day of fishing is better than the best day of working.
An Irishman is not drunk so long as he can hold onto one blade of grass and not fall off the earth.

***I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.***
Die Yuppie Scum.
Who cares who's on board?
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.

Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
A cat almost always blinks when hit in the head with a ball peen hammer.
There's too much blood in my alcohol system.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

***You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.***
BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made.
So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute!
I need someone really bad... are you really bad?
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
All men are idiots ... I married their king.
The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
Help wanted telepathy: you know where to apply
Jesus loves you... Everyone else thinks your an asshole.
I'm just driving this way to piss you off.
Horn broken, watch for finger.

There's too much youth, how about a fountain of smart.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
Hang up and drive.
WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep
Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit.
Born again pagan.

God must love stupid people, he made so many.
I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Keep honking, I'm reloading.
When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

When there's a will, I want to be in it!
Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!
Don't drink and drive, you might hit a bump and spill your drink.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

jbwerness@pclink.com