A woman asks her husband, who's a NASCAR car owner, if he'd like some breakfast. "Would you like bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of toast? Grapefruit and coffee to follow?" she asks. He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite." At lunchtime, she asks if he would like something. "A bowl of homemade soup, homemade muffins or a cheese sandwich?" she inquires. He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite." Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. She'll go to the store and buy him some food. Would he like maybe a steak and apple pie? Or, maybe he'd like a pizza microwaved, or a tasty stir-fry that would only take a couple of minutes? He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite." "Well," she says, "Would you mind getting off me? I'm starving."
I saw in the news that Bill Elloitt was arrested today for breaking and entering. Seems he broke into the Local Cheverolet dealership. When asked why he would do such a thing he replied, "I was just trying to see what the front end of a Monte Carlo looks like!"
A reporter was walking through town when he saw a small child being attacked by a pit bull. Just then, a boy ran over to the fracas and with his bare hands, grabbed the dog, pulled him off the child and snapped his neck, all in one quick motion. The reporter ran over and said, "That was the most courageous thing I've ever seen. I can see the headlines tomorrow morning 'Earnhardt fan saves child from vicious dog attack'." "Well," said the boy, "That's great, but I'm not really much of a fan of the Intimidator." "No problem," said the reporter. "I'll just make it read 'Wallace supporter kills ferocious pit bull, saves small boy'." "But I'm really not a Rusty Wallace fan, either," said the boy. "Well," asked the reporter, "Who DO you root for?" "I'm a fan of Jeff Gordon, the Rainbow Warrior in the number 24 Dupont Chevrolet Monte Carlo," he said proudly. Sure enough, the very next morning, the Charlotte Observer ran the following headline: "Redneck Punk Slays Beloved Family Pet."
Heres a link to Gordons TV Guide cover. Take your sense of humor with you if you're a Jeff Gordon fan!
Hillary Clinton wanted to go Indy car racing, but her licence was declined. When she asked why, Tony George replied,"Cause we already got a Luyendyk!"
So it seems it was Time for Dave Marcis to have his yearly check-up to get his medical clearence to run another year in Nascar. He had been through the gambit of test and everything seemed fine. The doctor was finishing up and just making conversation and said, "Well Dave you seem to be in fine shape for a man your age. So, hows your love life? Are you and Mrs. Marcis still able to make love?" Dave replies,"Almost every night". The doctor is astounded. "Every night?" he asks. Dave says, "Yep, almost on Monday, almost on Tuesday, almost on......
A man came into a bar with his dog. A race was on the TV and the man asked where Earnhardt was. 12th was the reply and with that the dog ran around the bar stool 12 times. A bit later the man again asked about Dale, this time he was running 8th, and the dog took 8 laps around the stool. Again the man asked, " Where's Earnhardt running now?" the barkeep said third and the dog took 3 laps around the stool. The bartender said, "Wow that's amazing. What happens when Dale wins the race?" The man said, " I dunno, I've only had the dog a year and 1/2!"
I know this is out of date...since The Man won the 1998 Daytona 500....I just leave it so yall know I can joke about Dale!!
Did you hear that Walmart is being sued? Seems a lady tried on an Ernie Irvan tee shirt. She hit the wall three times before she could get out of the dressing room!!
There were four men who went on an African safari. An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Rusty Wallace fan and a Jeff Gordon fan. At the end of an all day hunt, they were sitting around the campfire drinking there favorite adult beverage. The Englishman opens a bottle of ale, turns it up, drinks it, then throws it up in the air, takes out his pistol and shoots the bottle out of the air while shouting "God save the queen". Then the Frenchman takes out a bottle of wine, turns it up, drinks it, then throws it up in the air, takes out his pistol and shoots the bottle out of the air while shouting "viva la France". Then the Rusty Wallace fan opens a can of Old Milwalkee, turns it up, drinks it, then throws the can in the air, takes out his pistol shoots the Jeff Gordon fan while shouting "It doesn't get any better than this".
You might remember, during speedweeks, it was reported that Bill Elliott had found 12 extra horsepower and was running quite well. Ernie Elliott had done extensive work to the intake manifold to gain the power. When the reporters asked him "What did you find in the manifold?", he replied,"A black grease rag with a number three on it!"
Three NASCAR fans were on their way to a Race when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road. They stopped and discovered a female dead body. Out of respect the Jarrett fan took off his hat and placed it over right breast. The Martin fan took off his hat and placed it over her left breast. Following their lead, the Jeff Gordon fan took his hat off and placed it over her crotch. The police were called and when he arrived, the officer conducted his inspection. First, he lifted up the #88 hat, replaced it, and wrote down some notes. Next, he lifted up the #6 hat, replaced it, and wrote down some notes. The officer then lifted the #24 hat, replaced it, then lifted it again, replaced, lifted it a third time, replaced it. The Gordon fan was getting upset and asked, "What are you, a pervert or something? You keep lifting and looking and lifting and looking." The officer said, "No, I am just surprised; normally when I look under a #24 hat, I find an asshole."
Thats all I've got for right now. I know I've heard a hundred racing jokes but when you need them, they just won't come to mind! If you've heard any good ones lately, (or any we can turn into racing jokes), please e-mail them to me...I'll give you credit, I promise!! Please use "Racing joke" as the subject of your e-mail. They don't have to be clean, but they can't be dirty dog nasty either. Thanks again for your input.
Even though I have a great sense of humor, and even laugh at anti Earnhardt jokes, This is an Earnhardt fans page and I ain't gonna post the Anti-Earnhardt jokes. I would consider it if I ever heard an original one...but I keep getting the same ole "No-doze" and "the wall ain't got no number on it", stuff. Feel free to send them to me, like I said, I have no problem making fun of Dale in the interest of humor...but if its gonna get posted here....It better damn well be funny! Thanks again.