Q Declares War on the Trees!!!!!!!


Dream House ... the House in the Woods

Four years ago, Mrs Q and I began looking for a new home. We had a minor problem though, she wanted a house in town, and I wanted a House in the Woods. We were blessed to work with a VERY patient realtor (Nancy). She must have shown us at least 50 houses. There was always some little thing wrong with every one;
Too far from work
Too far from Wal-Mart (LOL)
Too old
Too close to a highway (I wanted the kids to be able to ride their bikes safely)
No garage (to store my junk!!!)
Too Small

At last Nancy took us to a house that had everything. It was built on some undeveloped mill property by the president of the mill. It was 4 blocks from main street, but it was in the middle of 40 acres of pine forest. It was the best of both worlds!!!!!! Mrs Q would be close to all the stuff she did in town, and I would have a House in the Woods.

It was beautiful!!!!! Along with the pines were several Dogwood trees, a couple of Magnolias, Azalea bushes, Crab Apple trees, Ivy covered hillsides, Mountain Hydrangea, Jasmine, and more different kinds of flowering bushes and shrubs than I ever knew existed. Something would be blooming all year round.

Picture of the house

Anyone that has ever bought a house can understand what we went through next;
Offer
Counter-offer
Counter-counter-offer
Counter ........ you get the idea
Agreement ....... yippeeee!!! it's all over (yeah right)
Arrange financing ........ This includes telling your life story to total strangers, baring all of your deepest, darkest, secrets, stripping to the buff to show you have nothing to hide .... etc.

It was at least 6 weeks before we finally signed the contract. But then, it was ours....... our dream house ...... my House in the Woods.

We moved in and started trimming the bushes, trees, shrubs (did I mention the 150+ feet of shrubs??). It was wonderful, this little House in the Woods.

I noticed that there were a few stumps in the ground the first time I mowed the lawn. "No big deal" I thought. There are bound to be a few trees fall when you have a House in the Woods.


First Shot Fired

Shortly after we moved in, a storm came through town. It was facinating to watch the pines swaying to and fro in the wind. They would bark and clack as they collided with each other in a random kind of dance.

A couple of storms later, one of the trees fell. It was really sad to see something as majestic as a 30 year old pine tree knocked down. I called a friend that had a chain saw, and we took it down and cut it up. I put the remains in the woods behind the house.

About this point, some warning bells should have been going off, but I chose to ignore how poorly the root system of the pine tree took hold in the South Carolina clay. These pines around my house are all 30-40 years old. They are very tall, and most of the greenery of the tree is very high up, trying to compete with the trees around them. Unfortunately, as I would soon learn, the root system of these trees cannot support a 40-50 foot tall tree, especially if the ground gets wet, or there is any kind of undo stress placed upon the tree.


Broadside!!!!!!

Then came the ice storm. The weather is pretty mild here, but now and then we get some ice or snow. We got a horrific ice storm one Friday. I went ahead to work. Mrs Q called me around 10:30. She was frantic. A tree had fallen on the house. She wanted me to come home right away. I tried to reason with her that there was nothing I could do, but she needed the reassurance of my being there.

There are 3 roads that lead to our house. Two of them were blocked by fallen trees. When I got to the house, I could see that there were actually two trees on the roof. I couldn't see any major damage from the outside, so I went up to the attic. While I was inspecting the minimal damage cause by the first two trees, the third tree fell on the roof. Mind you, I was still in the attic!!!!!! But everything was fine. Minor damage, a small hole in the roof. "No biggie" I thought. There are bound to be times like this when you have a House in the Woods.

Picture of the carnage

This time I had to call TWO friends with chain saws and winches to get the trees down. Along with the three on the house, I had 5 others that were down. I decided to get my own saw ......

A couple years went by without incident. I used my new saw to keep things trimmed up, and take down the occasional dead tree. Life was good :).


Adventures with Shelly :)

February of '97. I drove to Atlanta to meet Shelly, my cyber-sister. We had become close friends online and were meeting in real life for the first time. We had a great day, even if she got me lost twice :). At the end of the day, I called home to let the family know I was on the way. My son informed me that there was a tree on the house. (sigh) I spent the next day cutting up the tree. No biggie, things like this happen every couple years when you have a House in the Woods.

Picture of the tree

You know, anyone with any sense should have been getting alarmed by now. But I just could not bring myself to topple all of these wonderful, majestic, shade bearing trees. It was wonderful to have a House in the Woods. There were many birds around, including a family of hawks. Lots of critters like possums, rabbits, squirrels. I even saw a silver fox one day. I just could not imagine that these lovely trees would keep falling.

In July, Shelly was flying and changing planes in Atlanta. I drove down to see her and some other friends at the airport. We had a wonderful, but too short, visit. Then I went home. Only to find that there was another tree on my House in the Woods. I won't repeat what I said, mainly because I would have to aknowledge George Carlin for coming up with the list of words. Mrs Q said I was no longer allowed to travel to Atlanta to meet Shelly. Twice in a row with the same result is too much of a coincidence!!! LOL


Rumblings of a Future Conflict

OK. By now I am beginning to realize that something has to be done with the trees. The tall pines dancing in the wind no longer brought a sense of facination, but one of dread. Weather forcasts that called for any kind of wind or freezing rain would bring pause. But there were no further incidents, and slowly, the tree phobia began to wane. It was so nice to have a House in the Woods. I just could not bring myself to cut down these trees, although their majesty was beginning to seem a bit tarnished.

Later that fall, I arose to get the morning paper. It was still dark outside. As I stepped into the garage, I was greated by a tree blocking the door. It missed the house and the cars, but I had to fire up the chain saw at 7:00 AM to clear a path so that we could get to work. Such is life, when you have a House in the Woods.

"Hmmmmmm, I am gonna have to do something about these trees next year" I thought at the time. I think back to the irony of that moment with a mirthless laugh now ....


Blame it on El-Nino

Fast Forward to January '98. All winter has been very mild. No ice storms thank goodness!!!!!! But the El-Nino thingie that is taking the blame for everything from floods to fluctuations in the Dow Jones Average has been messing with the weather in the Southeastern US. One night it is pouring down rain. A friend of Amie's is at the house, and needs a ride home. Amie and I take her home, a 10 minute ride. When we get back home, the rain has stopped, and the lights in the neighborhood are out. We don't see anything unusual (it is dark remember??) and go in the house.

Mrs Q and the boys are frantic. A freak tornado went through our town. We would later find out that the tornado touched down at the South end of town, then lifted. Since we are on the highest ground in town, we felt the effects, even on the North end of town. They had heard what sounded like a freight train, and headed for the basement. After everyone calmed down, we went outside for a look. The tallest, most magnificent, sturdiest, and closest tree to the house, was now a part of the house. This tree was over 2 feet in diameter, and had entered the overhang of the roof by an equal distance.

The monster

There was no way I was gonna try and do anything with this monster. I called for help from professionals. The pros did the job, got the tree out of the house and on the ground. Then they handed me the bill. I contacted the insurance company. They read me the fine print. Now I am gonna be paying for the next year for that @#$%^&* tree.

That was not all. Another big (16") tree was knocked halfway over, and leaning over Amie's bedroom. Six other trees were down or leaning. The worst part is the damage the falling trees did to the worthy plants, the Azaleas and Dogwoods etc.

And to think I was insistent on having a House in the Woods!!!!


WAR

Enough is enough!!!!!!!!! These overgrown excuses for trees are taking food off the table. From now on PINE is a 4 letter word in my book. As of March 1st, I have finally gotten all of the storm damaged pines down, and have started clearing everything that is within falling distance of the house. I figure I can take down one tree a week. At that rate, all of the cursed 4 letter trees will be history by Labor Day.

I have no illusions that it will be an easy battle. Being as the trees are bigger than me, I always end up sore, cut, and bruised whenever I do battle with them. However, I have an equilizer ...... Stihl. I am on my second bar and chain. I may end up wearing out the saw and getting a new one before it is all over. But I shall perservere. I will not be satisfied untill all of the 4 letter trees are reduced to stumps and rubble.


Epilogue

After the battle is won, I will still have my House in the Woods. I plan on planting REAL trees like Maples, Oaks, Bradford Pears, etc. Then I can write something about the

Great Leaf Deluge

Stay tuned!!!!!! LOL


Postscripts (The Struggle Continues)

July '98 - Bought the third chain for the saw.
October '98 - The transmission on my garden tractor gave out from hauling all the tree debris up the hill. Now I cannot even cut the grass!!!!
January '99 - Another ice storm. 5 trees down, none on the house (thank goodness). Click to read about the Hanger


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