Dear Dr. Holmes:I have a strange sexual urge. I think you haven’t yet encountered such a situation before. I hope you can give me the best solutions to my problem.
Just call me Albert. I’m 22 years old and living with my auntie for the last 10 years. She’s an old, unmarried woman and still a virgin. Ever since way back, I learned from my classmates (boys) how to discover one’s self through masturbation. They taught me how to do it, so I tried. From that time on, that exercise became my habit and I haven’t been able to put an end to it until now. Whenever I watch movies with bold scenes or read newspapers that have pictures of sexy stars, my sexual fantasies come into play. Dinadaan ko na lang po sa masturbation ang mga nakikita kong mga eksena na nagpapainit sa aking katawan. (I just deal with my excitement by masturbating).
Along with this habit, I have committed a very heavy mortal sin. I found myself peeping at my auntie while she’s taking a bath. I’ve done it so many times that I know every single thing about her private parts. There are times that I entered the bathroom to have sex with her but thank God I controlled myself.
There was also one time that she fell sleep while watching TV. I took the opportunity to caress her breasts and to kiss her on the lips twice. She didn’t catch me doing any of this to her.
I still peep while my aunt is in the bathroom. I still masturbate and, at the same time, dream that I’m having sex with her or with any of those sexy stars.
Once, when I peeped while she was taking a bath, I saw from her facial expression that she needed a sexual partner. She needs him to arouse herself. I saw her inserting a finger in her private parts and caressing her breasts. Then came the idea that I should be the one to give her all this sexual satisfaction, but I controlled myself. I don’t want to do it. It is a sin and I know what punishment I will receive if I do it. It is also against God’s will.
Dr. Holmes, please advise me. Is this a rare case? I want to put an end to this. Is it a sin that while I’m satisfying myself I dream of having sex with her or with those sexy stars? I love my aunt as a relative and not for anything else. Please enlighten me on this matter. Thank you very much.
ALBERT
Dear ALBERT:Thank you very much for your letter. You are right in thinking this is not a common problem, but what is most uncommon about it is not the fact that you get turned on seeing nude women. What is uncommon and highly commendable--is your ability to control yourself as well as you have despite convincing yourself that your aunt may possibly want a sex partner. What is highly commendable is your ability to wait and to respect her wishes despite your fantasies. That is why I am hopeful that there is a very strong chance that you will not succumb to this great temptation even if you face it every day and every night of your life.
While others may accuse you of being a voyeur, that is not what you are. Voyeurism involves strong repetitive urges to observe unsuspecting strangers who are naked, disrobing or engaged in sexual intercourse (American psychiatric association, 1987). The voyeur becomes sexually aroused by the act of watching and typically does not seek sexual relations with the observed person.
You, on the other hand, watch not a stranger, but someone known to you. You also seek to have sexual relations with this person and don’t get satisfied simply by watching her disrobe. Thank God you have been able to control yourself from doing so.
I have a feeling that the best “cure” for you is to have a girlfriend with whom you can have regular sex. Alas, the best cures are not always available for us, are they? In a future column (coming soon, I promise), I will explore other cures that are available, even for highly sexed 22-year old males without girlfriends, okay? In the meantime, try and hold of from making silip (peeping) at your aunt while she bathes; but by all means feel free to masturbate in private whenever you feel the need to. What would be a good idea is to replace all your aunt-related fantasies while masturbating with sexy-stars-related fantasies.
Fantasies do not cause behavior. Thus, there is, in theory, nothing wrong with whoever you fantasize about since fantasies do not reality make. However, fantasies in an impressionable, highly testosterone-driven (i.e., malibog) 22-year old male may encourage one to impute desires on the fantasy which are best not put to the test. What I mean is that it is possible (but not necessarily definite) that your aunt actually desires an actual sexual partner as you concluded during one of those times you watched your aunt taking a bath, but it is not, I repeat, NOT, up to you to find out if that is really so. Fantasizing less about her will tempt you less about wanting to put her supposed need for a sexual partner to the test. Soon, we'll explore more what things you should or shouldn’t put to the test, okay?
All the best!
MG Holmes
(A Special Note: Watch Dr. Holmes every Tuesday and Thursday on GMA!)
(BodyMind Vol. 3 No. 19 - First posted: 8-26-99)
