Dear Dr. Holmes:

I’m dating the lead singer of a popular band. I know it’s not serious because I’m just one of his many girls. But even if I know it’s nothing, I’m so kilig; in my head I’m doing cartwheels whenever I get his pages. When I see him at the country club, I like it when he walks over and talks to me. My mom has been praying novenas for me. Everyone is on my case. They say he’s not serious, etcetera, etcetera. And although the guy is such a big flirt, I can’t help myself. I’m hoping this friendship will turn into something serious or that it becomes a real friendship at least. Do you think I should stop hoping?

--Girl Against the Odds

Dear Girl Against the Odds,

Absolutely not. As long as you don’t lose sight of the fact that your chances are pretty slim, it is not only all right to hope, it makes sense perfect sense to continue doing so. In fact, you should do anything and everything that isn’t illegal, immoral or fattening to maximize the probability that what you hope for actually does happen.

The poet Wordsworth once said: “Only the brave deserve the fair.” To which the psychologist Holmes adds: “Only those with their feet on the ground but their hearts willing to soar (their heads willing to take a chance and not only hope but actually do) land lead singers of a popular band.”

Good luck!

MG Holmes

Bonus Column:

Dear Dr. Holmes,

My parents are very religious. My mom even goes through my email! One day, she read the green jokes my friends sent me. Worse; she read my replies and damned me to hell for exchanging green jokes of my own. I can’t even say “shit” at home, I have to say shucks. I can’t even say “Oh my God!” without hearing the commandment "Thou shalt not take the Lord’s name in vain." Life with my parents has been the hell they’ve been telling me I should be wary of. How do I tell them to loosen up?

--Girl Living in Hell

Dear Girl Living in Hell,

You have to decide what it is you really want from your parents. If it is to score minor victories in inconsequential battles like being able to say "shit" without their commenting on it, then carry on as you have, telling them in so many words that they should loosen up. Simply telling people what to do never really works, as you who are not religious (in the way your parents want) have told you to be and they, who are not laid back (in the way you have encouraged them to be), know for a fact.

Until you are independent of them financially (and thus living away from home) they will feel they have the right to tell you what to do. This doesn’t mean you have to obey them, as you also know for a fact, but it probably means you have to listen to (though not necessarily agree with) what they say.

In the meantime, instead of telling them to loosen up, remind yourself that, while it would be nice if your parents approved of everything you did, that doesn’t guarantee heaven on earth. By the same token, their disapproving of your behavior doesn’t make it a living hell with them either...not unless you decide to continue considering it as such.

All the best!

MG Holmes

Another Bonus Column:

Dear Dr. Holmes,

I have big breasts and being a Filipina, I consider myself quite lucky. However, whenever I walk into a mall, past a construction site or any other public place, men either stare, hoot or whistle at me. Sometimes I just want to scream at them for being bastos, but I don’t want to look pikon. Although, when I don’t say anything, I feel so violated. My friends say I’m asking for it because I wear baby tees. But why should I sacrifice my fashion sense for their lack of upbringing? What should I do?

--Boobed Out

Dear Boobed Out,

It depends on what you really want. It’s a free country and big breasted women can wear baby tees whenever they want to. However, it is that very same freedom that also guarantees that men can stare, hoot and whistle whenever they want to. In the far off land of the politically correct, you could perhaps haul such a hooting swine to court for sexual harrassment, but such countries also try to impeach their presidents for expressing themselves with a cigar, so who really wants to live in such a place? What’s sauce for the gander (freedom to express oneself, you via your fashion sense) is sauce for the goose (they via their “lack of upbringing”).

Sacrifice your fashion sense and wear something bland if you prefer unobtrusiveness to attention; but if not, let them hoot away all they want...and enjoy!

All the best!

MG Holmes

(BodyMind Vol. 3 No. 5 - First posted: 4-25-99)

---