Dear Dr. Holmes:I'm 35 years old and not very attractive. In other words, I am pretty fat. I never had any serious relationship with a guy. I know that men will only come to me if I can offer then something else that pretty, slim women do not. Recently I met a guy through the internet. I really like him and I've spoken to him over the phone. Is it okay to have a one night stand or even just foreplay with this guy? Nobody wants me, anyway, so at least I can say I experienced something. Ayaw ko na mamatay na virgin. (I don’t want to die a virgin) I heard that oral sex is dangerous. Is this true? They say you can contact AIDS through oral sex. What precautions do I have to take? Thank you and more power to your column.
Miss Piggy
Dear Miss Piggy:Thank you very much for your letter. There are (at least) two issues involved in your question. The first is what you asked about, concerning the dangers of oral sex. That I will answer in this column. The second, just-as-important-if-not-even-more-so issue is whether your perception that nobody wants you (and/or all fat girls) is accurate or not. Corollary to this is the issue about whether this state of affairs (presuming it is accurate which it may well not be) is permanent (God forbid!) or merely temporary. Because of space constraints, I will stick to the first issue and answer the second if and only if you write to me again wanting an answer, which I hope you do.
According to Jojo Sescon, M.D., Executive Director of the Remedios Aids Foundation, oral sex is considered low risk in terms of HIV/AIDS infection. In fact, three years ago, a meta analysis of 79 previous studies on oral sex and HIV transmission done in various health centers came up with the same conclusion: that oral sex is low risk behavior when it comes to HIV/AIDS.
However, oral sex is NOT low risk (and is, in fact, high risk) when it comes to other sexually transmitted diseases; particularly gonorrhea, chlamydia and herpes.
To be safer when engaging in oral sex, condoms are a distinct possibility. Your internet guy-friend can use a condom to protect both you and himself when you go down on him (fellatio). You can use a (male) condom cut along the side and spread over your vulva when he goes down on you (cunnilingus). Should you only have one condom available which he used while you were fellating him, take heart. You can always put glad wrap over your vulva as protection. This is not a joke nor a play on the word glad wrap, which should really be called ecstatic wrap, considering what it allows you to do with people whose STD-status is unknown to you.
Finally, you can also use dental dams, but condoms and glad wrap area lot easier to obtain here in the Philippines, not to mention less reminiscent of Hannibal Lecter (Anthony Hopkins) in Silence of the Lambs.
Good luck and enjoy yourself, whether this be a one-night stand, a foreplay-only encounter, or the start of a beautiful friendship.
All the best!
MG Holmes
(BodyMind Vol. 4 No. 3 - First posted: 4-2-00)
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