Dear Dr. Holmes:It took me long time before I have collected my guts to write to you as I find it somewhat embarassing for me to relate to you my ‘problem’. I am in my late thirties, married, above average looking, an engineer and I have a very stable job.
My predicament started way back about 7 or 8 years ago. I had a short stint job somewhere in Central Luzon way back then. I was working there away from my wife who was working in our place. I have a lady neighbor who was in her mid twenties at that time. One time when I was pissing and I had a hard on, I didn’t know that she was watching me and there was no way to stop what I was doing at that time. I sensed that she also liked watching me. From then on I discovered that I really enjoy showing off to the point that I could even masturbate while a lady is peeping.
A second similar incident that happened was with my sister in law. She is the younger sister of my wife. She is a pretty and well endowed lady in her mid twenties. She stayed with us in our home for about 5 years and I could not really help myself but fantasize about her most of the time. I enjoyed masturbating while peeping on her while she was taking a shower. While we were casually talking, I could not help but always look on her well endowed chests. I knew she noticed it and I sensed that the feeling was mutual. Although, I controlled myself because I fully knew the immoral aspects of it. I did not pursue an illicit and immoral affair. One time when I was taking my shower, I caught sight of her peeping. I showed off again and masturabated.
It has been three years now since I did it and my sister in law is already married (she was married 3 years ago) and of course, she is no longer living with us. My wife and I were enjoying sex even at that time and until now. What I want to know is; what was wrong with me then? Waiting for your advice...
Yours sincerely,
H.R.
Dear HR:One could not really say you were an exhibitionist because exhibitionists expose themselves to unsuspecting passersby. If your interpretations were correct, the two women you “showed off to” and in whose presence you masturbated wanted to see you in all your glory. If you didn’t misunderstand their presence, what you did could be considered your part in an act between consenting adults.
It also sounds as if you control yourself and do this only in the presence of women who want you to. More to the point, you no longer do it, still have great sex with your wife and have no difficulty interacting with her on a deeply personal level.
What was wrong was your peeping at your sister in law without her knowledge.
What you (and/or your wife, even without her being able to articulate it) might now find difficult is the level of honesty you share with your wife. There are now things you’ve done that you wish her never to find out. It would also be infinitely better if none of the people involved were part of her family. But you remained faithful to your wife and even managed never to talk to your sister in law (or the other woman) about this. The repercussions of your behavior were thus contained, and much less than it could’ve been if you had interacted with each other more. Even if this were something done between consenting adults, the interaction between you was not as much as if you had both agreed on a time, a place, and an action.
I am sorry I am not more clear in “diagnosing” your problem. In life, one finds this is often the case. On the one hand, it is commendable that you managed to limit your behavior to what it was. On the other, it is also good that you are bothered by this, because that means you will probably think very hard before doing it again (and possibly even refrain from doing so). If you value your marriage and wish your self esteem to remain intact (both of which you seem to), I would suggest trying to curtail similar type behavior in the future. If you have problems doing that, please write me again.
All the best!
MG Holmes
(BodyMind Vol. 4 No. 2 - First posted: 2-18-00)
