Dear Dr. Holmes,

This is not about sex, or even love, but about weight loss. I hope you don’t mind? I try and lose weight (and oftentimes actually do) but I can’t seem to keep it off. Why is that?

GRACE

Dear GRACE:

You haven’t given me enough specific information for me to make more than a few generalizations, which is just as well for me since I am not a nutritionist. It sounds like you go on diets but are unable to sustain them. Don’t feel bad; *lots* of people are like that. So much so, in fact, that the latest word on weight loss is *not* to go on any (specified) diet but to change one’s entire lifestyle. Going on a (specific) diet might help you lose weight temporarily, but if you want to keep that weight off permanently, it is best to change your entire approach to food and the place it has in your life. I know, I know; easier said than done but-sigh-most things that matter in life usually are. A facile remark, this last one just written, sorry sorry sorry. But I find it soothes me lots (I too am currently in the throes of *not* going on a diet but trying to lose weight by changing my "lifestyle"; so I know hereof I speak.) I’ve been told it gets easier as the days go by and healthy eating becomes a habit and not just a fad. For everyone’s sake, I hope they’re right. Good luck and tell me how your non-diet goes.

All the best!

MG Holmes

Letter #2:

Dear Dr. Holmes:

I am married with one child. Three years ago I went back to university to pursue my studies. A year later I developed a close relationship with a male friend. It may be foolish to fall in love again but that was what really happened, I guess. I went to bed with this male friend and found out that his penis is so small. If I am not mistaken it was like a size of a normal thumb. I do not know how to explain this, but the sensation that it brought me was far from the sensation brought by my husband even if he (my husband) has a great penis size.

Was it because I am just so in love? It's really crazy to say, but until now I still want to make love with him (my friend) again and again and again.

Style

Dear Style:

Ever heard the expression "If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it?" Nowhere should such an adage be more wisely followed than in your case. SO...instead of leaving your question alone and just reveling in all it implies, why am I trying to fix something that "ain’t broke"?

In God’s honest truth, it is more for the sake of the fellas out there than for you.

For you, I would stay stop reading after the following and just enjoy!

I think you’ve got it right: one of the reasons you want to make love to your friend is that (1) you are so in love; (2) he *is* your friend and that always makes sex better; (3) he probably has a trick or two up his sleeve or, more to the point, down his penis. Love is terrific, but when it comes to making love, technique makes a lot of difference. Staying power helps too. Not to mention--and for a lot of women, this is most crucial--the knowledge that this guy is just as madly in love with you and nuts about your body. It sounds like your relationship is more than "ain’t broke" which is terrific so enough with the theorizing, which is all this column can give you and more with the reality.

In fact, now that you’ve stopped reading, why the bloody ^%$&*^ hell am I still writing? Because it isn’t everyday that I get a letter that clearly and unequivocally shows that, while women *can* tell the difference between a big penis, a not-so-big, and, okay, okay, a little one, we don’t care. What we care about most is the *man* to whom the penis is attached and, if we’re very lucky (and he’s reasonably intelligent), the kind of lover he is, (hopefully terrific, long-lasting, gentle when we need gentling and rough and rowdy when we need bastos-ing).

All the best!

MG Holmes

(BodyMind Vol. 2 No. 4 - First posted: 1-25-98)

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