Dear Dr. Holmes:

Is it possible for a woman to have a loose vagina even if she is still a virgin? My friend had sex for the first time with her boyfriend, and he claims he went in but never felt the pressure. The girl said she never felt him, and she's pretty sure she's a virgin. Could this be some kind of disorder? Or could it be that her boyfriend just does not know where to put it?

JENNIFER

Dear Jennifer:

While anything is possible, it seems highly unlikely that her boyfriend mistakenly inserted his penis somewhere other than her vagina. The only two other possible alternatives--her anus and her urethra--would have hurt her so much she would know for sure what was happening.

Women come in all shapes and sizes and it is possible that a woman could have a vagina to start with that was looser than what her boyfriend was used to. This is not a disorder (which implies maladaptive behavior learned in one’s life) but rather a fact of life (and anatomy). Happily, it is one fact one can soon be made into fiction by doing something about it. Muscle control (Kegel) exercises of the pubococcygeal muscle (which keeps vaginal walls tight and taut) can make a difference as quickly as six weeks, if done religiously during that time. Should these exercises not be enough, they can explore the possiblity of having a gynecologist perform a routine operation (euphemistically called “flower arrangement”) to tighten these muscles.

In the meantime, it is important that they keep on communicating with each other about sex in particular and about their relationship in general. It is heartwarming that neither found the need to blame the other for what happened and since a solution to this problem is inevitable, I suggest they find other ways to pleasure themselves until one (or both!) of the above solutions is tried.

Best of luck to them and to you!

MG Holmes

(A Special Note: Watch Dr. Holmes every Tuesday and Thursday on GMA!)

(BodyMind Vol. 3 No. 22 - First posted: 12-1-99)

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