Dear Dr. Holmes:

Just call me Anna, 22 years old, single and working as a waitress in a restaurant in Malate. I have been working here for the last 4 years and my boss, let us call him Kuya Jun, has been very kind to me.

Because business is bad now, he decided to improve business by changing our uniforms. Our uniforms are now “not only attractive but very sexy” too. They are sleeveless, with high slits on them. I am very uncomfortable wearing them. I am afraid men will think they can run their hands over my thighs. They might even look at my bosom too intensely. Kuya Jun said not to be silly. He said I fear these things just because I am, from the province (‘ciana) and I will get used to it. He asked us to please just try it for a while because he feels business, which has been really bad for the last 6 months, will get better once his customers realize the change in us. What do you think?

Anna

Dear Anna:

Thank you very much for your letter. As far as I see it, there are two issues here. One is whether Kuya Jun is right: Will business really get better with the change of uniforms the waitresses are wearing? If he is wrong, then maybe he will not mind if you go back to the old uniforms which you prefer. However, if he is right and business does get better, then it is time to look into issue number two.

Issue number two also starts out with whether Kuya Jun is right or not, but then involves other things as well. First, is Kuya Jun right that it is just a matter of time and you will then get used to wearing the new uniform? If so, then this probably means that you were uncomfortable more with the novelty (wearing something new) than with the immodesty (too revealing) of the uniform. In this case, well and good, because it is always nice to teach ourselves to adapt to new things na hindi naman labag sa ating kalooban (that do not compromise our values). However, if Kuya Jun is wrong, and you remain uncomfortable with the new uniforms, the other questions to ask are: Is it just you? Nothing “immodest” about the uniforms per se but just your innate modesty clashing with others’ standards. If it is just you, is this something you can live with? A small inconvenience to gloss over to put food on the table and clothes on your back? Again, if so, then well and fine and welcome to the real world where we all have to do something we wish we didn’t. For most people it is waking up in the morning earlier than they really want to. For others, it is pretending their boss isn’t the dork idiot he really is. For you, it is donning a new uniform when you prefer the old one much better.

However, what if it is more than just you? What if you feel that the uniform is “immodest” in and of itself and not because you are “ciana” or a prude? What if Kuya Jun’s “analysis”, such as it is, is inaccurate? What do you do then? Perhaps you can think this over and we can discuss it at greater length at a future date.

All the best!

MG Holmes

(BodyMind Vol. 4 No. 9 - First posted: 12-18-00)

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