Dear DR. Holmes:

i’m really too **dyahe** (embarrassed) because we still we don't know each other personally, but i got your address when you invited people to write to you so i hope you won’t mind that i did.

i have a question: is a man's sperm acidic?

i ask this is because whenever my boyfriend and i make out, we eventually reach the part that i undress him and i take him in my mouth. When he comes, he wants me to swallow (and believe me, i don't mind doing it).

i noticed that for the past 2 times we've done it, i afterwards get tummy aches. **Kasi naman po** before we do it, i'm hungry and he tells me to eat him na lang. So by the time we'll have normal food, feeling ko sinisikmura na ako (my feeling is i have a problem with my digestion). That's why i came to the theory that it's acidic.

Can you please explain to me? i really would love to know.

Thanks so much.

i feel such a user for writing to you and asking you this when i know you have more important things to do. anyways, if you don't feel like answering me, no problem.

Take care!!!

Wulpbrader

Dear Wulpbrader:

I hope you really would like to know, Wulprader, because what I am about to share will not involve not only the cold hard facts about semen composition (though slightly warm, soft facts might be a more accurate description), but more so a more encompassing theory of diet (so to speak), nutrition, acquiescence, and body talk. It involves, in fact, an entire theory of personality (yours) which may be the real reason you get all these tummy aches.

But first, the (so-called) cold hard facts: The average ejaculate is about one teaspoon and contains 120 to 600 **million** sperm. But even this enormous number of microscopic sperm is extremely small in volume, equivalent to less than a tiny drop of semen. All the rest of semen is fluid from the prostate gland (about one-third), the seminal vesicles (about two-thirds), and other internal glands.

The average ejaculate chemically consists mostly of protein, citric acid, fructose (which is a complex sugar), sodium, and chloride. There are also smaller amounts of ammonia, ascorbic acid, acid phosphates, calcium, carbon dioxide, cholesterol, prostaglandins, creatine, other minerals and other chemicals. The actual proportion of these chemicals and minerals--how much ascorbic, citric and/or phosphatase acid vis-a-vis calcium, fructose, etc.--varies somewhat , depending on the man’s diet, health and frequency of ejaculation.

It is possible, therefore, that your boyfriend’s semen is ever so slightly more acidic than most other men’s semen but I am not sure this would make a big impact in terms of giving you a tummy ache.

I have heard many women describe swallowing semen in many ways, occasionally prosaic, a few mundane, many enthusiastic (ecstatic even) and a rare few resentful (such as if he holds your head down when he’s about to come so there’s no way you can avoid that goo from getting into you (your mouth at least). Whether you allow it to slide down your throat is another story). I dare say, however, that this is the first time I have heard a theory of semen as a tummy-ache-producer proposed. This does not necessarily mean that it therefore has no basis in fact; but the fact that nobody else has mentioned it might encourage us to look elsewhere first for an explanation.

And have I got one for you, WULPRADER!

It has to do more with your relationship, rather than the sex acts, you share with your boyfriend. You say sinisikmura ka na and I totally agree with you. But you are not fed up because of some problem with digestion, you are sinisikmura because of some problem with your boyfriend, the selfish bastard. If he really cared for you, he would feed you first and then feed you second (with his semen). I mean, give me a break! Semen may have been described as the nectar of the gods but not by anyone really and truly hungry. And semen **may** be called food beyond compare (mainly by guys with predilections like your boyfriend) but surely nobody in his/her right mind could **possibly** imagine it’s on par with chateaubriand or even with Macdonald’s hamburgers...

Don’t get me wrong: I think semen swallowing is nice (to put it mildly) But if and only if both parities want to (the swallower and the swallow-ee) and if and only if circumstances are such that it’s no big deal. Or, rather, a big deal in terms of what it means to both of you, rather than in terms of your practically starving to death.

A guy who even **remotely** imagines semen can compare with real food and actually has the gall to suggest that (you) “eat him nalang” instead of it has got to be either a little stupid, a lot arrogant or a lot kuripot (tightwad). Frankly, I can’t decide which is worse.

You’ve got tummy aches because his semen is acidic?!!? Semen, schmemen. It’s this entire relationship that’s acidic (or very well should be). Enough is enough, Wulprader. tell him to feed you first or you **will** do as he suggests. “eat him nalang” except, this time, literally. I know, I know, you say you “don't mind doing it,” but Wulprader, you would, wouldn’t you?...even if you **did** mind, that is.

You, my dear Wulprader, are what is sometimes called a wuss (pussy). Horribly sexist term that, but nothing else fits. You are conciliatory to the point of absurdity, you acquiesce when there is no need to. Look at the letter you wrote me. None of the I’s are in capital letters. Forgive my amateur attempts at handwriting analysis (of which I know nothing about) but surely it’s gotta mean something if each and every I is in small case letters?!!? Also, look at everything else you say, your feeling like a “user” for asking me to do something which is, in essence, my job.

Saying you “don’t mind” doesn’t really say much to me. And if you don’t mind, well, perhaps you should. Then you’d enjoy your food better (or, at least eat it sooner) and enjoy your relationship more deeply too. If not this relationship, then one with a man who is truly worth his salt (no pun intended), one with whom you can be just as feminine, just as loving, but perhaps not quite as doormat-ish.

All the best

MG Holmes

(BodyMind Vol. 1 No. 5 - First posted: 11-23-97)

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