This page will link you to sites relating to the triumph over abuse of many forms:
physical, emotional, sexual, to children, to adults.
If you have a site you'd like to share thru this page, please email the URL to
me . Thank you
Here is an excellent site for information on abuse-related issues:
Free To Be
My views on abuse are fairly simple:
1. Don't let abuse happen to you.
2. Don't let abuse happen to others.
If only reaching these goals were as simple as writing them!
For those who aren't familiar with various forms of abuse and surviving them,
I shall try to cover various topics in this page along with some excellent links.
I believe that education is the starting point for recovery. First we must
accept that abuse can and does happen. Then we should learn where we fit into
the picture: Were you abused? Were you/are you abusive? How many people do you
care about who were/are abused? (Note: not *if* - *how many*. It is highly
unlikely that you don't know anyone whose life was affected by some form of
abuse. If you don't believe that, go back to the first step, "accepting").
There are many forms of abuse. Some that come immediately to my mind are: physical
abuse, emotional/verbal abuse, sexual abuse, substance abuse, ritual abuse. These can happen to
infants, to toddlers, to children, to teens, and to adults including seniors.
These can happen to able-bodied people as well as those with physical, mental and/or
emotional disabilities. The people who are abused do not *ask* to be degraded. The one
factor all types of abuse have in common, IMHO, is: the need for power. The abuser is
a person of very little self-worth, who seeks to gain a sense of power by exerting
unnatural control over others. Sometimes perpetrators seek out "helpless victims", the
very young, the very old, those who are unable to speak up for themselves. Other perps
prefer to seek out those who represent power, as they believe they can somehow steal
the power from those whom they try to control. Generally, perpetrators are people who
have survived abuse themselves. Rather than coming to terms with their survival, they
choose to "act out" this abuse on others.
One Woman's View on Dissociation.
written by Winter (who choses to remain anonymous)
Warning: This article contains words and phrases that may be triggering for abuse
survivors. Please be sure you are in a safe place before reading. Thank you."
Dissociation is a gift that my mind gave me when the conscious "me" believed she could not
handle a given situation. Instead of dying, or "losing my mind", I somehow learned how
to leave one part of my consciousness in my body, while my active consciousness ("me") went
elsewhere. This gift has allowed me to live, to grow, to continue, often without conscious
recognition of the traumas that led to this miracle.
Sadly, many people, including many doctors and therapists, cannot understand this gift. They
cannot accept the fact that some people are subjected to tremendous stress and that some
minds are capable of surviving by "splitting". This means many dissociative people are
misdiagnosed, mistreated and end up being re-traumatized by the very people to whom we
turned for help.
I'm sure it's difficult for lots of people to believe that humans are capable of doing
terrible things to others, including infants. Most of us don't want to believe that some
people rape infants, mutilate children, force them into various and degrading sexual acts,
or attempt total mind control thru terrorism including pseudo-religious practices in the
name of God or Satan or the deity of your choice. To believe these things are possible
would be to believe that we are all capable of terrible acts, in the minds of those who
refuse to believe.
But these things *do* happen. Every day. North American papers are filled with such reports,
and I do not believe these acts of terrorism are limited to North America. I am sure that
children and adults living in war-torn countries around the world may be living with the
same kinds of defense mechanisms that abuse survivors in North America put to use. To me,
terrorism is terrorism, whether through war, through religious cults, from significant others,
or by the hands of caretakers who are supposed to love and nurture us. The good news is, there are people, including doctors, therapists, friends, spouses, and
even family members, whose minds are open enough to accept that people react to circumstances
in various ways. These people may not have experienced the traumas that lead to dissociation, but
they can accept the concept of survival through dissociation and they can accept that some
humans are less humane than others.
If you know you have survived abuse, or if you believe you might be an abuse survivor, I encourage
you to find a reputable doctor and therapist who can help you in your healing process. Don't settle
for a doctor who tells you to "grow up.". Don't settle for a therapist who doesn't believe in
dissociation, or who sets unrealistic timetables for your recovery. Believe me, it is possible to
find caring professionals who are concerned about your healing, not their bank balance. And it is
possible to find friends who treat you like a human being - not someone to be ridiculed or pitied.
If you live with the gift of dissociation, I encourage you to respect it, to respect the power of
your mind to create this valuable means of survival. Respect yourself enough to walk away from
so-called friends and professionals who don't respect you. Reach out, trust your instincts, and you
will find the love and support you deserve.
Oh, and I recommend getting access to the newsgroup alt.support.dissociation. The people there
convey a sense of unity that can be of tremendous help in defining your new, extended family and
defining the you that is you.
