Cast: Anil Kapoor, Jackie Shroff, Pooja Bhatt
| Direction: Priyadarshan
| Rating: * | |
| Please don't be fuddy-duddy. Just understand the fact that diamonds can be a girl's best buddy. So what if her lust for those sparklers make her life ever so muddy? A fluttery-muttery girl just has to window-shop at a jewellery boutique in Priyadarshan's Kabhi Na Kabhi, and practically every male in sight is hell-bent on buying her a pricey necklace. And whaddyaknow, the guys even propose marriage as if they were asking her for an open-air ride in a horse carriage. Absurd? You bet. Every moment in this KNK is as tormentful as sitting on a bed of rusty nails. Without any doubt, this is the worst film in the careers of Priyadarshan (yup, it's even more deadly than Saat Rang Ke Sapne) and Javed Akhtar, who is credited with the story, which appears to have been doodled by a dullard kindergarten student. Incomprehensible, incongruous and inappreciable, the plot has neither head nor tale. At best, it's super-stale, chewing on rancid leftovers from Saagar and Parinda. Merde! After suffering and squirming through the travesty, you scratch your head to wonder what on earth it's all about anyway. Perhaps it's about that diamond doll (Pooja Bhatt), who owns a dye factory that's so surreal that it would have given shivers even to Salvador Dali. Moreover, when Ms Doll isn't screaming her lungs out, she's bathing in a lotus pond as if she were in an ad film for a herbal shampoo. Occasionally, she also takes off to the bazaar for fresh tomatoes. Saucy, huh? Or, perhaps, the stuff-and-nonsense is about the two honchos, Raja (Anil Kapoor) and Jaggu (Jackie Shroff), who are both head-over-high-heels in love with the dye-hard gal. Or, pal, it could well be about a camel-toothed Kachra Seth (Paresh Rawal), who runs a cocaine empire while sitting atop a lorry tyre? So tyre-some, really. No, no, maybe it's about a scholarly librarian (played by Khadi Kurta), who's shot dead by Jaggu because of reasons that are more heavy-duty than a Jean-Paul Sartre novel. Chances are that the goings-on-and off could be about an elderly mom, too, who's rushed to hospital where a doctor demands a billion bucks for surgery. Or is the malarky about this ailing-wailing mom's daughter (Sob Sob Kumari) who's nearly inducted into the flesh trade? With Zen-like patience, you attempt to figure out the febrile fandango. In vain. And to think all this took nearly five years to limp towards the finishing line. Continuity, craft and commons sense are conspicuous by their absence. As for AR Rehman's music, it's as outdated as bell-bottoms. Cinematography by the ace cameraman, Ravi K Chandran isn't worth writing home or anywhere about. Above all, your heart bleeds for Anil Kapoor and Jackie Shroff. Capable actors both, they are thoroughly wasted in roles that are about as believable as Christmas in April. And Pooja Bhatt's look keeps fluctuating, as if she were either starving herself or gobbling choco-nut slabs by the dozen. At long last you leave the auditorium, utterly exhausted and drained, mumbling, 'Kabhi Nahin Kabhi Nahin'. |
