JEANS CAST: Prashant, Aishwarya Rai MISDIRECTION: Shankar RATING: **



They wear identical canary yellow jackets, hair-sprays and teakwood expressions, sending you instantaneously into a fit of depression. Settled in Los Angeles, the NRI twin brothers are yet another addition to the overpopulated humbug genre of double role tic-tac-flicks. And this time around, the plot is particularly full of gaping holes and as exasperating as being hauled over burning coals. Moreover, this far-out fandango is as much about a pair of Jeans as it is about sauce extracted from soya beans.

Truly, much more sense and style was expected from Shankar, the director of such splashy Tamil blockbusters as Gentleman, Kaadhalan and Indian.

Surely you couldn't ever dream of him 'adapting' the Hollywood comedy, Two Much. And in the process squandering a mega-budget (reportedly the highest sum ever of Rs 19 crore) on self-indulgent song-'n'-dance set-pieces shot on locations varying from the Great Wall of China to the Leaning Tower of Pisa to the Eiffel Tower. Glower.

Quite frankly, Mr Shankar commits one of the most major movie blunders of the world. Almost devoid of a screenplay, photographed inconsistently, dubbed into Hindi indifferently and edited clumsily, the result reveals an utter contempt for the audience. Really, you're expected to swallow absolute drivel in the name of entertainment. Help!

In fact, practically everyone needs aid of some sort or the other around here.

The duplicate dudes (Prashant) require girlfriends in their lives and fast. The visiting beauty, Madhumita (Aishwarya Rai) from Chennai must be helped through LA's immigration counter where she behaves as if a fat cat had bitten her tongue.

Madhu's granny (Laxmi) must be operated on right away for a brain ailment. And if the US doctors bungle up the surgery, the allusion to the real-life trauma faced by Sridevi's mother is not entirely coincidental. On the contrary, it's downright insensitive and exploitative.

Anyway, granny survives miraculously, never mind if her brain isn't exactly in working order. Next: For some ridiculous reason, the twins' no-nonsense dad declares that he will permit the boys to marry only lookalike girls. Absurd.

Now, the nutty granny lies through her dentures, announcing that Madhumita, indeed, has a twin sister.

Poor Madhumita, poor you. She must masquerade as her non-existent didi.

And, if this weren't enough, the spoilsport dad suddenly remembers his
estranged Siamese brother languishing in some back alley of
only-the-lord-knows-where. Glare. By this point, you're about to snooze or drown your sorrows in booze.

It's futile to even convey a vague outline of the story because there's none.

Aware of the lacuna, an effort is made to grab your attention with a
computerised special effects dance which is admittedly funny and flashy. Also that bit about Madhumita storing little mementoes from her beloved has a soupcon of charm.

But that's about it. Otherwise, AR Rahman's music score is disappointingly half-hearted. Of the cast, Radhika as the screaming shrew is impressive because of her sheer lung power. Laxmi (she was the lovely Julie, remember?) is virtually unrecognisable beneath her silver wig.

Prashant, as both the brothers, sleeptalks.

As for Aishwarya Rai, she is gorgeous to look at and dances with the grace of a ballerina-cum-Kathak exponent. In the acting department, she just isn't given an opportunity to display her skills, somewhat like a bright student confronted with an error-ridden examination paper.

All said and suffered, this Jeans looks in dire need of a tailor.