THE AWESOME ODDISH PSYCHODRAMA
By Oddish

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I recommend reading CullenP's "Poke Mental Cases" before you 
read this story. It explains exactly what was done to Brock, and why.

OVERLY SENTIMENTAL DEDICATION: Dedicated to CP: A fine fanfic writer 
with a sense of humor nearly as twisted as my own. Thanks for writing "Poke-
mental Cases." 
Also dedicated to MH: My close ally, valued source of encouragement, and 
occasional inspiration. And yes, I know I evolved you into the wrong Pokemon 
in TIOFT and haven't corrected it. Well, reversing that would make me feel 
like a total goober. So deal with it. 
And dedicated to the memory of the real Max: "All cats love Cat Heaven, they 
know the way there. . . ." I miss you, Fur-face.

(Oddish is sitting in a room at TMB Productions, with his friends Cameron and 
Max the Jolteon. The three of them are drinking hot chocolate and eating 
Krispy Kreme doughnuts)

CAMERON: "Wait a minute! My name's not Cameron. It's. . . ."

(a dish shatters in the background, drowing out his words)

CAMERON: "My real name is. . . ."

(a Chinese guy sounds a gong, drowning him out again)

CAMERON: "My name is. . . ."

(a Forretress uses Explosion nearby, drowning him out again)

CAMERON: "How come no one can hear me say my real name?"

ODDISH: "Max? You wanna field this one?"

MAX THE JOLTEON: "Oddish's site policy forbids the use of real names. I know; 
I've been trying to get him to use mine for ages. But for a weed, he can be 
as pigheaded as they come."

CAMERON: "Oh. Excuse me a second." (leaves the table)

MAX THE JOLTEON: "Well, that explains MY name change. But why am I a 
Jolteon?"

ODDISH: "When you changed your TMB identity, that's the form you chose. 
Besides, you train a Bulbasaur, OT6 has Bulbasaurs, Ash has one too. We were 
on the verge of Bulbasaur Overload, which could fracture the space time 
continuum."

MAX THE JOLTEON: "Oddish, don't patronize me."

ODDISH: "Sorry, Max."

MAX THE JOLTEON: "And why did you have to call me Max? How'd you come up 
with such an incredibly stupid name?"

ODDISH: "Well, I had a cat named Max once. But he was old, and kind of sick. 
He passed away last Christmas."

MAX THE JOLTEON: "YOU NAMED ME AFTER A DEAD CAT?!" (he assumes 
Jolteon form and Thunderbolts the crap out of Oddish, then departs posthaste)

ODDISH (smoking, hair standing up): "Geez. What's his $#@$#@ problem?"

CAMERON (returns): "Where'd Max go?"

ODDISH: "Had to catch a blimp. Anyway, today's story takes place after Brock 
was finally released from Dr. X's medical clinic. Cameron, why don't you 
fill us in?"

CAMERON: "Yes. Brock's fetish for attractive females caused a major disaster 
in Pallet Town. Rather than face jail time, he opted for psychotherapy, which 
was designed to make him stop chasing every pretty girl he saw. His initial 
treatment. . . ."

(Flashback time. We see Brock marching into the clinic with Bulbasaur vines 
around him. We see him being chased by Jynx. We see him being turned female 
and chased by ten of himself. Finally, we see him tied to railroad tracks and 
having a train bear down on him)

CAMERON: ". . . seemed successful at first. But it quickly fell apart when he 
left the clinic. So the good doctor tried something a little more decisive. 
At first, what he got was discouraging. . . ."

(Another Flashback. Brock is in a chair. The doc is doing Word Association on 
him. Customary spaces deleted)

DOC: "Love."
BROCK: "Girls."
DOC: "Dreams."
BROCK: "Girls."
DOC: "Desire."
BROCK: "Girls."
DOC: "Need."
BROCK: "Girls."
DOC: "Pokemon."
BROCK: "Girls."
DOC: "Poke balls."
BROCK: "Girls."
DOCL "Water."
BROCK: "Girls."
DOC: "Kitchen sink."
BROCK: "Girls."

CAMERON (Voice only): "But then, came the Big Breakthrough."

DOC: "Mouse."
BROCK: "Girls."
DOC: "House."
BROCK: "Girls."
DOC: "Good."
BROCK: "Girls."
DOC: "Evil."
BROCK: "Ivy."
DOC: "Death."
BROCK: "Ivy."
DOC: "Destruction."
BROCK: "Ivy."
DOC: "Nightmare."
BROCK: "Ivy."
DOC: "Horror."
BROCK: "Ivy."

CAMERON (voice only): "Now that we had something that truly, deeply, primally 
terrified Brock, we could proceed."

(Scene: Doctor X is looking in the Orange Islands Pokemon Database and 
calling up a file: IVY, PROFESSOR. A familiar face, framed with purple hair, 
appears)

CAMERON (VO): "We tailored the new holotherapy program to use this knowledge 
to our advantage."

(Brock's dream: he is running toward a pretty girl. In a flash, she morphs 
into Professor Ivy, 9 ft. tall, with razor fangs and evil red eyes. Brock 
shrieks in terror)

CAMERON (final VO): "By the time we were done, Brock was no longer a threat 
to himself, or others."

(Brock is leaving the psychiatric hospital. He sees an Officer Jenny 
directing traffic. He screams and runs away into the woods. Dissolve back to 
Cameron and Oddish at the cafe)

CAMERON: "And that's how we did it."

ODDISH: "Thank you, Cameron. That was well-explained. And now, it's time for 
me to join our young heroes on the next part of their adventure."

CAMERON: "Hey! I'm not paying for all those Krispy-kremes you ate."

(Oddish sighs and hands his Kantonian Express Platinum Card to the waitress, 
signs for a generous tip, then spins three times and vanishes)

CAMERON: "How'd he do that?"

(Oddish rematerializes in a grove outside of Pallet Town, where Misty and 
Brock are just waking up)

ODDISH: "Hey, you guys. You're close to Pallet Town. Why didn't you just 
bunk at Ash's?"

MISTY: "This lunkhead. He didn't want to be in the same house as Delia, 
because she's a beautiful woman."

BROCK: "Pretty girls. . . pretty girls. . . all out of eat me alive. . . must 
stay far away from all pretty girls. . . ."

ODDISH: "Sounds like the therapy worked this time. I guess he's not afraid 
of you because you're so darn butt-ugly."

(Misty picks up her collapsible shovel and dents Oddish's skull with it)

BROCK: "Right as usual, Oddish."

(WHANG! Brock's body joins Oddish's on the ground)

ODDISH: "What's she so upset about?"

BROCK: "I don't know. Maybe it's That Time of Month again."

(WHANG! WHANG! Misty hits them both again. Oddish has had enough at this 
point and retaliates, leaving Misty moderately crisped. Ash walks 
nonchalently up, trailed by Pikachu)

ASH: "Good morning, guys. How're you feeling?"

(Brock and Oddish are lying on the ground with swirly eyes and lumps on their 
heads, and Misty is still smoking)

ASH: "AAAAAAAAAGH! My friends were attacked in the night by wild Pokemon. 
Don't worry! I'll call Officer Jenny. And Nurse Joy, too."

BROCK: "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

ODDISH: "Nix on that, Ash. I think we'll be OK."

ASH: "Oh. OK, then. Let's go to Celadon City. I wanna go shopping."

ODDISH: "OK. Brock, you may want to stay behind."

BROCK: "Why? I like shopping too. Just like I'm into cooking, sewing, and 
caring for younger children."

ODDISH: "That place will be full of pretty girls, Brock."

BROCK: "AAAAAACK! I'll stay. I'll stay!"

ODDISH: "Fine. Ash, Misty, over here please."

(he spins three times, and teleports them to the outskirts of Celadon 
City. . . all four of them. Brock is there as well)

ODDISH: "WHAT? I delibrately left you!"

MISTY: "I can explain, Oddish. It's a special clause in our contracts. 
Remember 'Tracey Gets Bugged'? I wanted to stay on the beach instead of 
going into the woods where all the Bug Pokemon were. But next thing any of 
us knew, there I was, walking along with Ash and Tracey. It's a mysterious 
force that not even you can defy."

ODDISH: "Oh yeah? I'll just teleport Brock back to where we were."

(he snaps his fingers. Brock vanishes)

ODDISH: "There. Easy as pie. Now let's go about our business."

(he heads for the mall, followed by Ash, Misty, Pikachu, and Brock)

MISTY: "Oddish? Look behind you."

ODDISH (sees Brock): "What the. . . must've miscalculated."

(he waves his hand a second time. Brock flickers out of existance. Then he 
flickers back into existance)

ODDISH: "$#@$#@. You weren't kidding. Well, then we'll have to find a way to 
shield Brock from all those pretty girls. Otherwise, he's going to be a 
basket case."

MISTY: "I know!"

(A few minutes later, they're in Celadon City. Oddish is pushing one of those 
little two-wheeled hand-trucks, with a thick cardboard box on it. The box has 
a couple of airholes punched in the top)

ODDISH: "This was a good idea, Misty. Since Brock's in this box, he won't be 
able to see pretty girls. They won't affect him, and we. . ."

(A shapely girl with pink hair in tight shorts walks past. We hear horrible 
screams from inside the box, and then Brock explodes out and runs away 
in terror)

ODDISH: "Aw, $#@$#%#." (runs after him)

ASH: "Wow. Never saw him run that fast."

(Brock vanished into an Oriental-style public bathhouse. First, he runs into 
the female side. Oddish stops outside, not daring to follow. Three seconds 
later, Brock runs out [twice as fast as when he went in], plows over Oddish, 
and runs into the male side and throws himself into the water. A bunch of 
naked dudes [Gary Oak among them] stares at the shivering and fully-clothed 
form underneath the soapsuds. Oddish picks himself up, dusts himself off, 
and enters the room)

ODDISH: "Uhhh. . . hi. Uh. . . excuse us. Just a misunderstanding." (goes 
over to Brock, grabs him by the hair, and yanks his head above the water) 
"Are you out of your frigging mind?"

BROCK: "P-p-pretty. . . p-p-pretty g-g-g-g-g. . . ."

(Oddish bonks Brock on the head with someone's shampoo bottle)

BROCK: "Sorry, Oddish. I saw that pretty girl, and I panicked."

ODDISH: "How could you see her? You were in a box."

BROCK: "Doesn't matter. I mean, I don't have eyes. I don't even have any 
eyesockets. My skull just has little slits in it. But I can still see."

ODDISH: "Hmph. That's a problem."

(A uniformed attendant enters the room)

ATTENDANT (to Brock): "Excuse me, sir. As much as I admire your inventive 
method of washing your clothes and yourself at the same time, I'm afraid this 
facility has a dress code."

BROCK: "You mean, everyone here must be. . . uh. . . ." 

ATTENDANT: "Nude. Au natural. In a negatively clothed state."

ODDISH: "Methinks you're wearin' a bit more than your birthday suit, mister."

ATTENDANT: "In any case, I'm going to have to ask that you leave." (sees 
Oddish, who had morphed) "And take that stupid Oddish of yours with you."

ODDISH: "For your sake, I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that."

A RANDOM BATHER: "Wow! A talking Oddish. Too bad I left my Poke balls with 
my skivvies." ***

BROCK (gets out of the tub): "Do we have to go?"

ODDISH: "I'm afraid so."

BROCK: "Forget it. There's. . . beautiful girls out there. They've got fangs 
and claws. They'll eat me like a Fudgsicle."

TO BE CONTINUED...